I caught a man trying to break into my house last night. He was wearing football pads, swimming trunks, ice skates and holding a baseball bat.

I said, β€œOi, what’s your game?”

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/adfunk101
πŸ“…︎ Feb 27 2021
🚨︎ report
I once tried to kill a giant mouse with a baseball bat

Now I have a lifetime ban from Disney world

πŸ‘︎ 59
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Mystic_Frost69
πŸ“…︎ Jun 13 2020
🚨︎ report
Baseball bat
πŸ‘︎ 15
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/CurtisViridian
πŸ“…︎ Dec 26 2019
🚨︎ report
Baseball Bat (Visual Pun)
πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/BlastLeatherwing
πŸ“…︎ Jun 30 2019
🚨︎ report
Why did the chicken go to KFC during lunch hour with a baseball bat?

It wanted to beat the crowd.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Dec 17 2019
🚨︎ report
Baseball bat
πŸ‘︎ 12
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Jan 24 2019
🚨︎ report
How do you explain getting hit with a baseball bat made of sound?

It Hertz.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Pepisboi420
πŸ“…︎ Jul 14 2019
🚨︎ report
I hit my friend with a baseball bat

He couldn't look me in the eye after what I did

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Mar 14 2019
🚨︎ report
Why do baseball bats tend to break near the grip on Saturdays and Sundays?

Because it's the weekend.

πŸ‘︎ 16
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/TheSygil
πŸ“…︎ Jun 22 2018
🚨︎ report
I heard a great baseball bat joke

which is great because usually baseball bat jokes are hit or miss

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/americk0
πŸ“…︎ Jan 10 2018
🚨︎ report
I showed my dad (a union rep) today's newspaper article about a union rep getting beaten with metal baseball bats

I told him "Man, this is like something out of the 1930's gangster era!"

He said "No no no, it's nothing like that. Back then, they used wooden baseball bats."

At least he has a sense of humour about it.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/moeburn
πŸ“…︎ Feb 03 2015
🚨︎ report
What did the US say when England was up at bat in a baseball game?

Europe!!

πŸ‘︎ 16
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Robosho
πŸ“…︎ Jul 16 2013
🚨︎ report
[Meta] The real purpose of dad jokes

Back in the before times, when sit-down restaurants existed, I used to order boneless cheese sticks and would just throw the word "boneless" in front of any appetizer with 100% corniness. The purpose of this isn't to make a good joke. It's not a good joke. The purpose is to make my dining companions catch some cringe splash damage and want to crawl into a hole and die out of embarrassment for my being horribly corny.

But there is a real, deeper purpose that I've discovered entirely by accident. People, especially young people, are so self-conscious and worried about saying or doing something embarrassing that it taints a lot of social gatherings. They go to a restaurant and are afraid to speak up even when their order is blatantly wrong. They'll tip well even when the food took an hour to arrive and the server has disappeared into the corn stalks behind a baseball field. It takes 2 hours of hanging out together before some friends finally stop nitpicking themselves, uncomfortable in their own bodies and brains, feeling perpetually judged, and begin to relax. These are the kinds of people who go to sleep every night replaying cringey moments from high school. Their last thought of the day is when the Burger King girl said, "Enjoy your meal!" and they said, "Thanks, you too."

It takes 2 hours and/or a lot of booze before they're comfortable enough to take conversational risks and truly reveal themselves. But if I come right out of the gate with a really dumb joke, then we can cut to the chase. There's less danger because someone in the group already shot themselves in the foot, right off the bat. They pulled a pin on the cringe grenade and then jumped on it.

You cringe at my dumb joke and then we're over the hump. Someone has already done something pretty stupid, so go ahead and order the hubcap of nachos and a massive chocolate shake because nobody is going to judge you poorly while they're all judging me.

In terms of price negotiations (haggling), there is a psychological concept called "anchoring". You throw out the first number and all subsequent numbers are compared to that number. This is the same idea. We've already set the humor standard pretty low at "boneless cheese sticks", so you can say the dumbest shit you want and, as long as it's not worse than my cheesy joke, it won't matter.

This is why, when you were a teenager and your dad took you and some friends out, your dad made corny jokes. He knew they were corny jokes. You and your friends un

... keep reading on reddit ➑

πŸ‘︎ 141
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Permatato
πŸ“…︎ May 18 2020
🚨︎ report
I'm convinced I had Covid as a child...

My mom tells me I was hospitalized with pneumonia after handling a bat.

Frankly, I'm amazed all baseball players don't have it.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/shmavalanche
πŸ“…︎ Jun 02 2020
🚨︎ report
Dad got me about GTA V

Me: I bought the new GTA 5!

Dad: I heard you can have sex with hookers in that

Me: In 1st person!

Dad: I can guarantee you're not the 1st person they had sex with.

πŸ‘︎ 2k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/EnMT
πŸ“…︎ Nov 22 2014
🚨︎ report
I know a good way to kill time

Grab a clock and beat it with a baseball bat

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/romanator25
πŸ“…︎ Jun 13 2019
🚨︎ report
/r/baseball did not appreciate my post - I think it’s better suited here anyway

I have a bunch of stupid baseball questions. I know most of the rules, I just want to make sure I have all my bases covered.

  • Imagine there’s a fan of the team that is currently fielding in the stands, and that said fan has a prosthetic arm. The batter hits a pitch and sends it on a home-run trajectory into the stands. If the fan in the stands throws his arm at the ball and diverts it back in the field of play, can they rightfully say that they were just β€œlending the team a hand” by stopping the home run?

  • Consider the exact opposite situation - the fan’s team is at bat and the batter hits a fly ball to the outfield. If Elastagirl from the Incredibles just happened to be the fan in question, can she spring into action and catch the ball before the outfielder has the chance to?

  • Now, imagine I smuggled a water gun into the stadium on a particularly hot day, and I managed to squirt sticky black liquid onto the batter. Does that mean he can take a walk since he was β€œhit by pitch”?

  • Consider the freak circumstance where a ball in motion collides with a bird, causing it to spiral in its descent and eventually collide in turn with an umpire. Can the player responsible for the ball’s motion be ejected from the game due to repeatedly flipping the bird at an umpire?

  • Can a losing team sub out their man on the mound with a large quantity of beer to prolong the game? There’d still be a pitcher on the mound!

  • If a pitcher throws a slider into the strike zone and the batter doesn’t swing, should the umpire consider it a strike, a ball, or the catcher’s dinner?

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/grumpy_princess
πŸ“…︎ Jul 22 2019
🚨︎ report
My two 7 year olds got me tonight.

My 7 year old daughter started with "What do you call an underwater social network? Fishbook!" My 7 year old son then said "What is the best animal to hit a baseball? A bat!" Mother of god...what have I done?

πŸ‘︎ 28
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/tinman10104
πŸ“…︎ Oct 25 2017
🚨︎ report
Bats are not blind

People who say bats can't see are just stupid. How else can they hit baseballs so well...

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/sachu17
πŸ“…︎ Dec 05 2016
🚨︎ report
Why does a baseball bat have no parents?

Because it's just a Bat, man!

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Nov 20 2020
🚨︎ report

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.