My bald headed surgeon friend is the most charismatic person I know.

He’s a real smooth operator.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Dec 09 2019
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"I SAID BALD-HEADED, NOT FALLED-DEADED, Ned." -- Homer Simpson
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πŸ“…︎ Oct 05 2019
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What's six inches long, has a bald head and every woman loves?

A hundred dollar bill.

This is my dad's favorite joke.

πŸ‘︎ 9k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/DoctorModalus
πŸ“…︎ Aug 21 2020
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I'm bald and im going to get a head tattoo of multiple rabbits

So from a distance it looks like hares

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πŸ‘€︎ u/BiscuitaBoyo
πŸ“…︎ Jan 03 2020
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A balding magician had an act where he'd put a rabbit on his head and make it disappear...

The hare vanished into thin hair.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Dec 09 2019
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My son's getting older and worried about going bald, so I advised him to get a tattoo of a rabbit on his head. He just stared at me confused, so I said...

"Yeah, because from a distance, it'll look like hare!"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/honolulu_oahu_mod
πŸ“…︎ Jul 16 2019
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A bald head is just like Heaven

there's no dyeing or parting there

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Scruluce
πŸ“…︎ Jun 04 2019
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My son looked at my bald head today and said 'Dad your head looks like a lightbulb'

I was incandescent with rage

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πŸ‘€︎ u/The_prophet212
πŸ“…︎ Dec 07 2017
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Son: "Dad, There's a man at the door with a bald head".

Dad: "Tell him I've already got one!".

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Piython
πŸ“…︎ Sep 10 2013
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Baldness...

I am not losing my hair, I'm getting more head.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Oct 20 2017
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My dad texts me jokes about once a week. Here are about 30 of my favorites.
  • What's the difference between mononucleosis and herpes? You get mono from snatching kisses.

  • If you were to lose your left arm, you'd be all right.

  • Why can't you hear a pteradactyl going to the bathroom? Because the P is silent.

  • Communists only write in lower-case letters because they hate capitalism.

  • I got a new job at the police sketching pictures of suspects. I'm a con artist.

  • Cat Woman's real name is Catherine Woman.

  • I have a new cat joke. ...Just kitt'en.

  • How do you find Will Smith in the snow? Look for Fresh Prints. *

  • Did you hear about the two men who stole a calendar? They got six months each.

  • I just saw an Apple store get robbed. Does that make me an iWitness?

  • Dwarfs and midgets have very little in common.

  • I'm moving to Seoul. I was told it would be a good Korea move.

  • Did you hear about the professor who was killed in a car accident? He was grading papers on a curve.

  • Why isn't an iPhone charger called Apple Juice?

  • Ever try to eat a clock? It's very time consuming.

  • When Peter Pan throws punches, they Never Land.

  • I was struggling to understand how lightning works, but then it struck me.

  • Einstein developed a theory about space. And it was about time, too.

  • Apparently Neil Armstrong used to tell unfunny jokes about the moon, and then follow up with, "Ah, I guess you had to be there."

  • I'm going to make a TV series about a plane hijacking. We just shot the pilot.

  • Would you call a drunk working at an upholstery a recovering alcoholic?

  • Yesterday I got covered in ketchup from my head tomatoes.

  • Even though I've gone bald, I still keep the same comb I've had for 20 years. I just can't part with it.

  • Picture of my sister after getting her nose pierced "She nose something!"

  • I went to the dentist and showed him my cavity. He told me to pull up my pants and get the hell out.

  • Did you hear about the kidnapping at school? It was okay - he woke up.

  • So what if I can't spell armageddon. It's not the end of the world.

  • When you get an infection, urine trouble.

  • "Hey waiter! This coffee tastes like mud!" "Yes, sir; it's fresh ground."

  • How did the butcher introduce his wife? "Meat Patty."

  • Elton John is a great piano player, but he sucks on the organ.

  • Elton John wrote a tribute to Amy Winehouse: Candle Under the Spoon *

  • What's the difference between Amy Winehouse and Captain Morgan? Captain Morgan comes alive when you add coke. *

*My absolut

... keep reading on reddit ➑

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πŸ‘€︎ u/WhenIm6TFour
πŸ“…︎ Sep 09 2014
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My granddaughter is learning DadJokes

My son just went to a new barber. He asked for one inch to be left...the barber cut it to 1/4 inch. So he comes home, looking almost bald. His wife just started laughing when she saw it. His 8 year old did a perfect dad joke. She walked over, rubbed her hands on dad's head and sang, like Elsa... "Let it grow, let it grow!...."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/duelingdogs
πŸ“…︎ Jul 10 2018
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You have to pay for a ToupΓ©e.

A ToupΓ©e is a hairpiece used to cover up the bald spot on top of the head. It requires money to purchase one.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Angraa
πŸ“…︎ Aug 22 2015
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a sad time for dad-joking at the office.

I have this ongoing thing at the office where whenever this one middle-aged guy (call him Andy) gets a haircut, I say, "Hey Andy, you got a haircut" and Andy, without fail dadjokes me with "I got them ALL cut" and then we yuk it up in the hallway ... this has gone on for years and years, until recently, when Andy decided that due to male-pattern baldness, he would completely shave his head. Now it is not as funny to tell Andy he got his hair cut, because literally he got them ALL cut and it just looks like I am making fun of him. (:(

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πŸ‘€︎ u/xRVAx
πŸ“…︎ Jun 03 2015
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Bald Dad Jokes are great

My father has male pattern baldness and my older brothers hair is beginning to thin out and one day when my entire family including my grandparents were sitting outside my mom pointed it out by saying.

"Rob, you're starting to lose your hair."

Within seconds with a straight face my dad just peaks up with.

"Oh honey don't worry about him, he's not losing his hair he's just getting more head!"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Skybel
πŸ“…︎ Aug 26 2013
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Are you my girlfriend or my dad?

looking at pictures of people, we see a bald girl

Girlfriend: Oh yeah, I've seen her before. All her hair fell out.

Me: From what?

Girlfriend: Her head.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ewwgrossitskyle
πŸ“…︎ Jan 19 2015
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Girlfriend dadjoked for the first time in two years

I had previously told her that I'm afraid of going bald as I get older. Cut to later in the day...

Me: Gore in movies and games doesn't bother me when heads and arms and stuff are getting sliced off. But I get a little cringy when it's a scalpel cutting into skin; precision cuts are weird for me.

GF: Is it because it's a scalp el?

Me: ...

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πŸ‘€︎ u/magladek
πŸ“…︎ Dec 20 2014
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A Stranger Major Time Dad-Joked Me

I saw a guy with a tattoo of some rabbits on his bald head, when I asked him why, he said, "From a distance they look like hares."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Haerdune
πŸ“…︎ Jan 24 2014
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Every time my dad gets carded somewhere

You know how some places are required to card absolutely everyone? Well, every time they do it to my dad he looks at the person, rubs his bald head and says "this isn't enough i.d. for ya????" Every. Time. If he has a cap on, he will take it off in order to make this happen.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/melanie086
πŸ“…︎ Sep 14 2013
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I’m a bald man and I’m thinking of getting rabbits tattooed on my head.

From a distance they will look like hares.

πŸ‘︎ 1k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/CineArma
πŸ“…︎ Feb 06 2019
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If I go bald, I'm going to get rabbits tattooed all over my head.

Because, from a distance, they'll look like hares.

πŸ‘︎ 3k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/mrOsteel
πŸ“…︎ Nov 18 2017
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If I go bald, I will paint rabbits on my head...

...they might look like hares from a distance.

πŸ‘︎ 39
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheBanterChief
πŸ“…︎ Jan 18 2015
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