Why was Cinderella bad at football?

She had a pumpkin for a coach

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πŸ‘€︎ u/torontoskinnyman
πŸ“…︎ Oct 31 2022
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What do you call a Wizard who’s really bad at football?

Fumbledore

*my seven year old son claimed he made this up. If it’s true, I’m a proud pop!

πŸ‘︎ 6k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ChazMcGreedly
πŸ“…︎ Oct 15 2021
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Why is Cinderella bad at football?

Because she’s always running away from the ball.

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πŸ“…︎ Nov 04 2019
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What insect is bad at football ?

A FumbleBee

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Johnny_Two_Timez
πŸ“…︎ May 23 2020
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What kind of insect is bad at football?

A fumble-bee.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/cyphr0st
πŸ“…︎ Aug 07 2019
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What do you call a bee that's bad at football?

A fumble bee.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/truarte
πŸ“…︎ Jul 17 2016
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I hit my fantasy football group with a bad one yesterday.

After wishing my upcoming opponent good luck, he told me "I'd need luck to beat him this week." I replied "No, I think I'm gonna bench Luck and play Wentz instead."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/KillMat99
πŸ“…︎ Sep 23 2016
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A list of over 350 Dad Jokes!

Save them to your Phone and always have witty jokes at the palm of your hand.

3.14 percent of sailors are pi-rates.

5/4 of people admit they’re bad at fractions.

A bartender broke up with her boyfriend, but he kept asking her for another shot.

A brain walks into a bar and takes a seat. β€œI’d like some wings and a pint of beer, please,” it says. β€œSorry, but I can’t serve you,” the bartender replies. β€œYou’re out of your head.”

A cheeseburger walks into a bar. The bartender says, 'Sorry, we don't serve food here.'

A college education now costs $100,000, but it produces three very proud people: the student, his mama, and his pauper.

A couple of cups of yogurt walk into a country club. β€œWe don’t serve your kind here,” the bartender says. β€œWhy not?” one yogurt asks. β€œWe’re cultured.”

A friend of mine didn’t pay his exorcist. He got repossessed.

A friend of mine is known for sweeping girls off their feet. He’s an extremely aggressive janitor.

A guy walks into a bar, and there’s a horse serving drinks. The horse asks, β€œWhat are you staring at? Haven’t you ever seen a horse tending bar before?” The guy says, β€œIt’s not that. I just never thought the parrot would sell the place.”

A guy walks into a bar...and he was disqualified from the limbo contest.

A pirate walks into a bar with a paper towel on his head. The bartender says, β€œWhat’s with the paper towel?” The pirate says, β€œArrr! I’ve got a Bounty on me head!”

A turtle is crossing the road when he’s mugged by two snails. When the police ask him what happened, the shaken turtle replies, β€œI don’t know. It all happened so fast.”

Armed robbersβ€”some say they’re a drain on society, but you’ve got to give it to them.

Barbers…you have to take your hat off to them.

Can February March? No, but April May!

Cooking out this weekend? Don’t forget the pickle. It’s kind of a big dill.

Dad, can you put my shoes on? No, I don't think they'll fit me.

Dad, can you put the cat out? I didn't know it was on fire.

Dad, did you get a haircut? No, I got them all cut!

Dad: Did you hear about the kidnapping at school? Son: No. What happened? Dad: The teacher woke him up.

Daughter: I have a lot of friends named Nathan. There’s Nathan Miller, Nathan Radcliff, Nathan Lewis… Me: When they are together, do you call them the United Nathans?

Dear Math, grow up and solve your own problems.

Did I tell you the time I fell in love during a backflip? I was heels over head!

Did you hear about the aquatic sea mammals that escape

... keep reading on reddit ➑

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Bugasum
πŸ“…︎ Jun 10 2022
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A 9 a.m. text from the wife: "Me, or college football?"

An 11 p.m. response from me: "You, of course!"

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πŸ“…︎ Sep 17 2022
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My Dad ladies and gentlemen

So, we're going to a Fulham football match, my Dad is meeting me outside the ground but he's running late. I spoke to my Mum asking where he is and she says he's not far away but in a bad mood because he's got a cold, he left later than intended and the traffic was awful!

He arrives and we walk in about 10 mins late and as we walk through the turnstiles, Fulham score and we hear a massive cheer from the stands, we're below the stands at this moment and can't see.

We take our seats and a couple of minutes later I look over at my Dad's phone. My Mum has texted my Dad asking if he's arrived at the ground ok and his text that he'd written out was "Yes, everyone cheered when we walked in!".

Bloody love that man.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/NakedNun0
πŸ“…︎ Oct 16 2021
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My friends and I went to watch our favorite team throw around the ol' pigskin.

We agreed to paint our chests to read "FOOTBALL" as we sat in the stands. But two of my pals, the first and second "O", didn't show up. And our team lost! I really should've expected that outcome. My absent friends were the bad o-men.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/garbagearmy
πŸ“…︎ Jun 26 2017
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My Dad trying to be clever in the Kitchen

My Dad and I were getting dinner ready when I quizzed him on how he seasoned the chicken and gravy mixture he was fawning over.

"Uh I haven't put anything in but the chicken, and the gravy."

"Were you going to season it?"

"Wasn't planning on it." he finished, apparently done with the conversation as his full attention was now on whatever football game was on. I decided if he wasn't going to take the initiative and make our food taste like something other than bland than I would.

"Here Dad put in some garlic," I said as i started grabbing spices from the cabinet.

"Some basil, salt, pepper, thyme... " I didn't see any thyme in here which was too bad because it would be just the thing for this.

"Hey DAD do we have any thyme left?" I asked him a little louder than I had been talking before.

"Time for what?" he asked, finally breaking his attention from the flat screen, a severely confused and almost worrried look cemented on his brow. And then, as quick as a camera lens closing to capture a shot, he winked.

.

.

.

TL;DR I'm pretty sure you have enough thyme to read it.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/erydayimredditing
πŸ“…︎ Dec 13 2013
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Dad got everyone with this at dinner

We're all eating dinner and my grandmother is over.

Gma: Cbreezy's brother, you look like you got really sunburned recently!

Bro: Yeah, I got it playing football, dad got it pretty bad too.

Dad: No, you got son-burn. I got dad-burn.

Que my overzealous laugh.

Edit: Format. Phones aren't great for posting...

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Cbreezy517
πŸ“…︎ Feb 29 2016
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