True story: I was a kid, watching TV in our living room. My dad was outside using the grill. All of a sudden he bursts in the door hopping on one foot yelling β€œI stepped on a Bee!”

I was so concerned I jumped up and ran over to him...

Earlier that day my friend and I who were really into mountain biking had been using really sticky letters to put our names on our bikes. We were working near the general area of the BBQ.

Apparently I had dropped one...

Stuck to the bottom of my dads foot was the letter B....

A legendary dad joke from a legendary dad.

πŸ‘︎ 11k
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πŸ“…︎ Mar 07 2021
🚨︎ report
A truck carrying toupees crashed on the highway, scattering its cargo

Police are combing the area

πŸ‘︎ 31
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πŸ‘€︎ u/frudedude
πŸ“…︎ Mar 11 2021
🚨︎ report
A truckload of toupees has been stolen...

...Police are combing the area for clues.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/kublakhan1977
πŸ“…︎ Mar 17 2021
🚨︎ report
Someone just robbed the local wig store

The police are combing the area

πŸ‘︎ 80
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VVIIVVI
πŸ“…︎ Jan 24 2021
🚨︎ report
Do black and white count as colors?

It's a gray area.

πŸ‘︎ 279
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Who_GNU
πŸ“…︎ Jan 23 2021
🚨︎ report
Why do mountains make good comedians?

Because they're hill areas...

πŸ‘︎ 27
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Kasegauner
πŸ“…︎ Feb 27 2021
🚨︎ report
What did the mountain say to the funny highlands?

You're hill areas

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/leader_of_hundred
πŸ“…︎ Feb 24 2021
🚨︎ report
A mountain makes the best jokes.

It's hill-areas

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Epikgamer332
πŸ“…︎ Feb 01 2021
🚨︎ report
I lost the clicker to my television, but I found it...

It was in some remote area

πŸ‘︎ 22
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πŸ‘€︎ u/shdchko
πŸ“…︎ Jan 21 2021
🚨︎ report
At a rest stop, the other day, a cop asked me why I was stroking the ground....

β€œOfficer, the sign clearly says to β€˜pet area.’”

πŸ‘︎ 82
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πŸ‘€︎ u/pj566
πŸ“…︎ Nov 24 2020
🚨︎ report
An ice-cream van overturned in our road....

Avoid the area, as it has all been coned off.

πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Dec 16 2020
🚨︎ report
My dad isn’t usually one full of dad jokes, but he hit me with a great one today.

For context, my dad had a leg amputation a few months back but he’s been in mostly good spirits about it. We were talking about places to eat in our area, and he asked where one of the fast food restaurants was around here, so I said β€œIt’s at the intersection, where the IHOP is.”

Dad replied, β€œOh, that’s my favorite place to get breakfast.”

I never got food with my dad at IHOP before so I was confused, but then it dawned on me what he meant. 😐

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Kalleh
πŸ“…︎ Dec 23 2020
🚨︎ report
I met a woman once at a party celebrating my father's 50th birthday.

We got to talking and I found out she worked as a stunt double on some pretty big name movie sets. She looked to be at least 10 years my senior but very fit and attractive and we both seemed to really be hitting it off.

Because all the immediate family in the local area had thrown a smaller, more private celebration for my father a few days prior, I didn't really feel a need to stick around any longer, so I asked the woman if she was interested in sharing some drinks with me at the nearby Hilton where I was staying. She happily accepted.

Suddenly, I turned towards the sound of my father's voice cheerfully calling out the name "Andra" (pronounced ON-druh) and my own as he approached. Andra, the woman I had been speaking with, turned towards him, glanced quickly back at me, then looked back again at my father and with a disconcerted look on her face exclaimed, "Oh brother!"

And that's when I realized the double, Aunt Andra.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/A__Wild__Goose
πŸ“…︎ Jan 08 2021
🚨︎ report
Help!! Creative Minds Needed!!

My Dad has recently shown a fascination with space and NASA. Long story short, Christmas is coming up and my plan is to surprise him with an all expense paid trip to Florida for 4 days with passes to the Kennedy Space Center. I’d schedule it around a launch so he would be able to see it in person. As well as checking out the area a bit since we’re there.

Which is where I need your help! I want to coordinate hints with presents that slightly hint at the trip. For example, I picked out a NASA tshirt, a space shuttle plush toy, assorted astronaut ice cream, socks that have planets and a rocket on them, mug that says β€œcoolest dad in the galaxy,” a map/atlas of florida, and luggage tags. And the final gift I’m thinking will be a letter that puts all the clues together and would include the plane tickets, car rental agreement, hotel confirmation, and the admission tickets in an envelope.

Can anyone give me ideas on what hints to use??

  • I’m still adding/taking away present ideas so if anyone has any better ideas please let me know!!

Thank you so much!! Any type of help is appreciated!! I don’t really have that β€œcreative” part of the mind... whether it be a rhyme or dad joke-y type hint, it doesn’t matter!

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ“…︎ Nov 27 2020
🚨︎ report
Asked my kids this morning to bring their laundry and separate it into whites and colors. My son holds up some grey sweats and asks which pile.

My response: Not sure son, that’s kind of a grey area.

πŸ‘︎ 18
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πŸ“…︎ Dec 19 2020
🚨︎ report
Two prawns were swimming around in the sea

One called Justin and the other called Kristian. The prawns were constantly being harassed and threatened by sharks that inhabited the area:

Finally one day Justin said to Kristian. "I'm fed up with being a prawn. I wish I was a shark and then I wouldn't have any worries about being eaten."

A large mysterious cod appeared and said. "Your wish is granted" Low and behold, Justin turned into a shark. Horrified, Kristian immediately swam away, afraid of being eaten by his old mate.

Time passed (as it does) and Justin found life as a shark boring and lonely All his old mates simply swam away whenever he came close to them. Justin didn't realise that his new menacing appearance was the cause of his sad plight.

While swimming alone one day he saw the mysterious cod again and he thought perhaps the mysterious fish could change him back into a prawn..

He approached the cod and begged to be changed back, and, lo and behold, he found himself turned back into a prawn.

With tears of joy in his tiny little eyes Justin swam to Kristian's home. As he opened the coral gate, memories came flooding back. He banged on the door and shouted. "It's me, Justin, your old friend, come out and see me again."

Kristian replied. "No way man, you'll eat me. You're now a shark, the enemy and I'll not be tricked into being your dinner." Justin cried back. "No, I'm not. That was the old me. I've changed....... I've found Cod. I'm a Prawn again Kristian!!.. πŸ€ͺ🀣

πŸ‘︎ 33
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πŸ‘€︎ u/OwenJthomas89
πŸ“…︎ Oct 17 2020
🚨︎ report
A lorry load of wigs has been stolen

Police are combing the area

πŸ‘︎ 16
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πŸ‘€︎ u/tiger7971
πŸ“…︎ Oct 06 2020
🚨︎ report
What is the area of a circular piece of dough, where the slice length is "z" and the rise is "A"

Pi(z)(z)(A)

Edit: Volume not area

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/hctibasiaixelsyd
πŸ“…︎ Jul 16 2020
🚨︎ report
I work with a small town search and rescue. We recently had a guy visiting from the big city to do some kayaking on the river.

He doesn't know the area and gets himself lost. All he does know is that there are a lot of grizzly bears roaming around during the salmon spawn this time of year, so he's quite afraid to get out of his kayak.

The temperature starts to drop. He needs to stay warm, and decides to build a fire inside his little boat on the river.

He learnt a valuable lesson that night: you can't have your kayak and heat it too.

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Islander399
πŸ“…︎ Aug 17 2020
🚨︎ report
3 engineers were arguing about who designed the human body

1: it has to be a CompSci engineer, judging by the brain’s complexity

2: you’re wrong, it was a Mechanics engineer, look at the muscle and skeleton systems working as one

3: you’re both wrong, it was an Urban Planner, otherwise waste and entertainment areas wouldn’t be adjacent.

πŸ‘︎ 32
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πŸ‘€︎ u/AstharothaZe
πŸ“…︎ Jul 21 2020
🚨︎ report
I think I had my first dad joke moment

I was driving my daughter (10F) to her dance class. Although we have taken this route countless times before and she never said a word about it before, she did this time and said as she was looking out the window while driving by a particular area, "Why would anyone build a daycare next to a cemetery?"

Without thought, I said "I don't know, but I bet their neighbors are quiet"

There was a second or two pause and then she said "Daaaaaaad."

My chest puffed up with pride for several miles as I thought I had just crossed the line into Dad Jokedom!

πŸ‘︎ 224
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πŸ“…︎ Dec 08 2019
🚨︎ report
Just brew it!

I’m building a website for a new cafe and Coworking space opening in the area. The owner loves humour and wants to reflect that in the site. Does anyone have any great puns or other humorous ideas to do with cafes or working spaces? Thanks a million!

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Instinct13now
πŸ“…︎ Jan 28 2020
🚨︎ report
We went camping and heard some motorcycles off in the distance

There must be some wild hogs in the area

πŸ‘︎ 16
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Capta1nR3dbeard
πŸ“…︎ Jun 13 2020
🚨︎ report
When I was a kid, I fell down and hurt my knee. As I sat there crying, my father came over to check on me.

Dad pointed to a red area near the top of my knee that was obviously the injury and said β€œwhere does it hurt? Is it your high knee, (then he points much lower) or your low knee?”

I respond, β€œit’s my high knee.”

Dad says, β€œit’s your heinie??! I thought you hurt your knee!”

I remember being furious. I have now pulled this one on my five year old, and I can’t wait until my one year old is old enough to be on the receiving end of it as well.

πŸ‘︎ 4k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/mikehocksbig
πŸ“…︎ Jun 25 2018
🚨︎ report
Today I found out that roofing in the summer heat can be really dangerous.

WARNING: HOT SHINGLES ARE IN YOUR AREA.

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ May 14 2020
🚨︎ report
A man who lived by the sea grew a cucumber so large he was able to turn it into his house.

One day a storm flooded the area with seawater and damaged his home... now he's in a pickle.

πŸ‘︎ 15
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πŸ‘€︎ u/MANTRA2018
πŸ“…︎ Apr 02 2020
🚨︎ report
Some important advice for Corona virus:

When you wash your hands, make sure every area is COVID.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ICTman1076
πŸ“…︎ Mar 19 2020
🚨︎ report
"Grandpa, what are you and Grandma going to do tonight for your anniversary?"

Well, there we're getting into kind of a grey area....

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/PotBuzz
πŸ“…︎ May 14 2020
🚨︎ report
Ever since I installed Adblocker, I have been severely depressed.

Hot singles in my area are no longer interested in me.

πŸ‘︎ 5k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ May 06 2018
🚨︎ report
True story. An emu escaped a farm in my area and was running around the suburbs..

Police tried to get it out of that area, but it was rather emuvable...

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/xJohnnyQuidx
πŸ“…︎ May 09 2020
🚨︎ report
Me and some other guys like to get together at the local supermarket to show off our rare breed black-feathered chickens. New guy today mustn't have understood because...

There was an unexpected white hen in the bragging area

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/mittenshape
πŸ“…︎ May 11 2020
🚨︎ report
What's the biggest perk of being a roofer?

There are hot shingles in your area

πŸ‘︎ 20
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Anthonybrose
πŸ“…︎ Nov 14 2019
🚨︎ report
I asked if it was ethical to talk about brains

They told me it was a gray area.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/jpereira73
πŸ“…︎ Apr 17 2020
🚨︎ report
There was a zombie infestation in South Korea's Capital

The president, hiding in a secret bunker, ordered the city to be nuked to contain the outbreak, killing both zombies and civilians in the area.

After the strike, he went to celebrate with his wife, but she was sad.

"Honey, we just ended the zombie epidemic. Why are you sad?" he asked.

She responded: "You killed millions of civilians. How can I be happy if you no longer have a Seoul?"

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/timeforepic_inc
πŸ“…︎ Dec 13 2019
🚨︎ report
My ex- rapper friend decided to stop his gardening business because he was really careless with his tools.

He has hoes in different area codes.

πŸ‘︎ 277
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Apr 05 2019
🚨︎ report
Why are mountains so funny ?

Because they are hill areas.

πŸ‘︎ 38
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Jan 15 2021
🚨︎ report
The mountains aren't just funny, they're

Hill areas

πŸ‘︎ 11k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/krishi2202
πŸ“…︎ Jul 14 2020
🚨︎ report
I explained, "You see son, mountains aren't just funny…"

…they're hill areas."

πŸ‘︎ 78
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πŸ‘€︎ u/honolulu_oahu_mod
πŸ“…︎ Dec 08 2020
🚨︎ report
Mountains aren’t just funny

They’re hill areas

πŸ‘︎ 18
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/gamergangg
πŸ“…︎ Dec 04 2020
🚨︎ report
Mountain ranges aren't just funny...

They are hill areas.

πŸ‘︎ 39
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Nov 26 2020
🚨︎ report
I explained, "You see son, mountains aren't just funny…"

…they're hill areas."

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/the_houser
πŸ“…︎ Dec 10 2020
🚨︎ report
Mountains aren’t funny

They’re hill-areas

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheSinkingShit
πŸ“…︎ Sep 21 2020
🚨︎ report
Mountains aren’t just funny...

They’re hill areas...

πŸ‘︎ 26
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Londoner1982
πŸ“…︎ Jul 14 2020
🚨︎ report
Mountains are not funny.

They are hill areas

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Gnome00
πŸ“…︎ Jun 13 2020
🚨︎ report
Mountains are not funny

They are hill areas.

πŸ‘︎ 21
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Gnome00
πŸ“…︎ Jun 13 2020
🚨︎ report
Mountain ranges aren't just funny..

..they are hill areas!

πŸ‘︎ 13
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Jun 25 2020
🚨︎ report
Why are mountains funny?

Because they're hill areas

πŸ‘︎ 431
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πŸ‘€︎ u/RatchetLeague
πŸ“…︎ Aug 16 2019
🚨︎ report
Why do mountains make the best jokes?

Because they are hill areas!

πŸ‘︎ 525
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/space0watch
πŸ“…︎ Feb 07 2019
🚨︎ report
A truck carrying toupees crashed on the highway, spilling everything.

Police are combing the area.

πŸ‘︎ 153
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/cdheer
πŸ“…︎ May 10 2019
🚨︎ report

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