I explained, "You see son, mountains aren't just funny…"

…they're hill areas."

πŸ‘︎ 74
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πŸ‘€︎ u/honolulu_oahu_mod
πŸ“…︎ Dec 08 2020
🚨︎ report
At a rest stop, the other day, a cop asked me why I was stroking the ground....

β€œOfficer, the sign clearly says to β€˜pet area.’”

πŸ‘︎ 85
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πŸ‘€︎ u/pj566
πŸ“…︎ Nov 24 2020
🚨︎ report
Help!! Creative Minds Needed!!

My Dad has recently shown a fascination with space and NASA. Long story short, Christmas is coming up and my plan is to surprise him with an all expense paid trip to Florida for 4 days with passes to the Kennedy Space Center. I’d schedule it around a launch so he would be able to see it in person. As well as checking out the area a bit since we’re there.

Which is where I need your help! I want to coordinate hints with presents that slightly hint at the trip. For example, I picked out a NASA tshirt, a space shuttle plush toy, assorted astronaut ice cream, socks that have planets and a rocket on them, mug that says β€œcoolest dad in the galaxy,” a map/atlas of florida, and luggage tags. And the final gift I’m thinking will be a letter that puts all the clues together and would include the plane tickets, car rental agreement, hotel confirmation, and the admission tickets in an envelope.

Can anyone give me ideas on what hints to use??

  • I’m still adding/taking away present ideas so if anyone has any better ideas please let me know!!

Thank you so much!! Any type of help is appreciated!! I don’t really have that β€œcreative” part of the mind... whether it be a rhyme or dad joke-y type hint, it doesn’t matter!

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ“…︎ Nov 27 2020
🚨︎ report
Mountain ranges aren't just funny...

They are hill areas.

πŸ‘︎ 40
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Nov 26 2020
🚨︎ report
Two prawns were swimming around in the sea

One called Justin and the other called Kristian. The prawns were constantly being harassed and threatened by sharks that inhabited the area:

Finally one day Justin said to Kristian. "I'm fed up with being a prawn. I wish I was a shark and then I wouldn't have any worries about being eaten."

A large mysterious cod appeared and said. "Your wish is granted" Low and behold, Justin turned into a shark. Horrified, Kristian immediately swam away, afraid of being eaten by his old mate.

Time passed (as it does) and Justin found life as a shark boring and lonely All his old mates simply swam away whenever he came close to them. Justin didn't realise that his new menacing appearance was the cause of his sad plight.

While swimming alone one day he saw the mysterious cod again and he thought perhaps the mysterious fish could change him back into a prawn..

He approached the cod and begged to be changed back, and, lo and behold, he found himself turned back into a prawn.

With tears of joy in his tiny little eyes Justin swam to Kristian's home. As he opened the coral gate, memories came flooding back. He banged on the door and shouted. "It's me, Justin, your old friend, come out and see me again."

Kristian replied. "No way man, you'll eat me. You're now a shark, the enemy and I'll not be tricked into being your dinner." Justin cried back. "No, I'm not. That was the old me. I've changed....... I've found Cod. I'm a Prawn again Kristian!!.. πŸ€ͺ🀣

πŸ‘︎ 34
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πŸ‘€︎ u/OwenJthomas89
πŸ“…︎ Oct 17 2020
🚨︎ report
A lorry load of wigs has been stolen

Police are combing the area

πŸ‘︎ 16
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πŸ‘€︎ u/tiger7971
πŸ“…︎ Oct 06 2020
🚨︎ report
Fun Realization Today

Both gray and grey are acceptable spellings for the color. This makes the color's spelling a gray/grey area.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/BARS1255
πŸ“…︎ Jul 23 2020
🚨︎ report
I work with a small town search and rescue. We recently had a guy visiting from the big city to do some kayaking on the river.

He doesn't know the area and gets himself lost. All he does know is that there are a lot of grizzly bears roaming around during the salmon spawn this time of year, so he's quite afraid to get out of his kayak.

The temperature starts to drop. He needs to stay warm, and decides to build a fire inside his little boat on the river.

He learnt a valuable lesson that night: you can't have your kayak and heat it too.

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Islander399
πŸ“…︎ Aug 17 2020
🚨︎ report
Two giraffes got into an argument

I saw them along the neck of the wooded area.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Slymood
πŸ“…︎ Aug 25 2020
🚨︎ report
What is the area of a circular piece of dough, where the slice length is "z" and the rise is "A"

Pi(z)(z)(A)

Edit: Volume not area

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/hctibasiaixelsyd
πŸ“…︎ Jul 16 2020
🚨︎ report
3 engineers were arguing about who designed the human body

1: it has to be a CompSci engineer, judging by the brain’s complexity

2: you’re wrong, it was a Mechanics engineer, look at the muscle and skeleton systems working as one

3: you’re both wrong, it was an Urban Planner, otherwise waste and entertainment areas wouldn’t be adjacent.

πŸ‘︎ 30
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πŸ‘€︎ u/AstharothaZe
πŸ“…︎ Jul 21 2020
🚨︎ report
We went camping and heard some motorcycles off in the distance

There must be some wild hogs in the area

πŸ‘︎ 17
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Capta1nR3dbeard
πŸ“…︎ Jun 13 2020
🚨︎ report
I think I had my first dad joke moment

I was driving my daughter (10F) to her dance class. Although we have taken this route countless times before and she never said a word about it before, she did this time and said as she was looking out the window while driving by a particular area, "Why would anyone build a daycare next to a cemetery?"

Without thought, I said "I don't know, but I bet their neighbors are quiet"

There was a second or two pause and then she said "Daaaaaaad."

My chest puffed up with pride for several miles as I thought I had just crossed the line into Dad Jokedom!

πŸ‘︎ 225
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πŸ“…︎ Dec 08 2019
🚨︎ report
Just brew it!

I’m building a website for a new cafe and Coworking space opening in the area. The owner loves humour and wants to reflect that in the site. Does anyone have any great puns or other humorous ideas to do with cafes or working spaces? Thanks a million!

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Instinct13now
πŸ“…︎ Jan 28 2020
🚨︎ report
Today I found out that roofing in the summer heat can be really dangerous.

WARNING: HOT SHINGLES ARE IN YOUR AREA.

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ May 14 2020
🚨︎ report
A man who lived by the sea grew a cucumber so large he was able to turn it into his house.

One day a storm flooded the area with seawater and damaged his home... now he's in a pickle.

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/MANTRA2018
πŸ“…︎ Apr 02 2020
🚨︎ report
"Grandpa, what are you and Grandma going to do tonight for your anniversary?"

Well, there we're getting into kind of a grey area....

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/PotBuzz
πŸ“…︎ May 14 2020
🚨︎ report
Some important advice for Corona virus:

When you wash your hands, make sure every area is COVID.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ICTman1076
πŸ“…︎ Mar 19 2020
🚨︎ report
True story. An emu escaped a farm in my area and was running around the suburbs..

Police tried to get it out of that area, but it was rather emuvable...

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/xJohnnyQuidx
πŸ“…︎ May 09 2020
🚨︎ report
Me and some other guys like to get together at the local supermarket to show off our rare breed black-feathered chickens. New guy today mustn't have understood because...

There was an unexpected white hen in the bragging area

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/mittenshape
πŸ“…︎ May 11 2020
🚨︎ report
I asked if it was ethical to talk about brains

They told me it was a gray area.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/jpereira73
πŸ“…︎ Apr 17 2020
🚨︎ report
When I was a kid, I fell down and hurt my knee. As I sat there crying, my father came over to check on me.

Dad pointed to a red area near the top of my knee that was obviously the injury and said β€œwhere does it hurt? Is it your high knee, (then he points much lower) or your low knee?”

I respond, β€œit’s my high knee.”

Dad says, β€œit’s your heinie??! I thought you hurt your knee!”

I remember being furious. I have now pulled this one on my five year old, and I can’t wait until my one year old is old enough to be on the receiving end of it as well.

πŸ‘︎ 4k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/mikehocksbig
πŸ“…︎ Jun 25 2018
🚨︎ report
There was a zombie infestation in South Korea's Capital

The president, hiding in a secret bunker, ordered the city to be nuked to contain the outbreak, killing both zombies and civilians in the area.

After the strike, he went to celebrate with his wife, but she was sad.

"Honey, we just ended the zombie epidemic. Why are you sad?" he asked.

She responded: "You killed millions of civilians. How can I be happy if you no longer have a Seoul?"

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/timeforepic_inc
πŸ“…︎ Dec 13 2019
🚨︎ report
What's the biggest perk of being a roofer?

There are hot shingles in your area

πŸ‘︎ 23
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Anthonybrose
πŸ“…︎ Nov 14 2019
🚨︎ report
TIL that deposits of hard dried skin are called corns

This means the layers of skin I pull off of those areas are corn flakes

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/basmith0
πŸ“…︎ Jan 27 2020
🚨︎ report
Why do mountains make the best jokes?

Because they are hill areas!

πŸ‘︎ 523
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πŸ‘€︎ u/space0watch
πŸ“…︎ Feb 07 2019
🚨︎ report
Ever since I installed Adblocker, I have been severely depressed.

Hot singles in my area are no longer interested in me.

πŸ‘︎ 5k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ May 06 2018
🚨︎ report
A truck carrying toupees crashed on the highway, spilling everything.

Police are combing the area.

πŸ‘︎ 158
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πŸ‘€︎ u/cdheer
πŸ“…︎ May 10 2019
🚨︎ report
My ex- rapper friend decided to stop his gardening business because he was really careless with his tools.

He has hoes in different area codes.

πŸ‘︎ 277
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Apr 05 2019
🚨︎ report
Wife thinks I am nuts!

So my daughter is in Girl Scouts. Everybody knows that the Girl Scouts sell cookies, but they also sell chocolates, nuts, and other snack food. Since we have only one car and a large garage we usually volunteer as a cupboard. Basically we get a few pallets of stuff and the area troops pick up from our place.

Me: [stopping mid pulling into the garage] What is that?!

Wife: [concerned] What is it?

Me: [shaking my head] That is nuts!

Wife: [eyes roll] Really?

Me: [laughing uncontrollably]

My son didn’t laugh either.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Dec 03 2019
🚨︎ report
A large truck transporting wigs and toupees has crashed on a major highway sending its cargo everywhere.

Police are still combing the area.

πŸ‘︎ 21
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πŸ‘€︎ u/The_Nightman_82
πŸ“…︎ Nov 11 2019
🚨︎ report
Dad's been busy

RETIRED HUSBAND

After I retired, my wife insisted that I accompany her on her trips to WalMart. Unfortunately, like most men; I found shopping boring and preferred to get in and get out. Equally unfortunate, my wife is like most women - she loves to browse. Yesterday my dear wife received the following letter, from the local WalMart:

Dear Mrs. Harris:

Over the past six months, your husband has caused quite a commotion, in our store.

We cannot tolerate this behavior and have been forced to, ban both of you from the store.

Our complaints against your husband, Mr. Harris, are listed below and are documented by our video surveillance cameras:

  1. June 15: He took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in other people's carts when they weren't looking.

  2. July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-minute intervals.

  3. July 7: He made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the women's restroom.

  4. July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official voice, 'Code 3 in Housewares. Get on it right away'. This caused the employee to leave her assigned station and receive a reprimand from her Supervisor that in turn resulted with a union grievance, causing management to lose time and costing the company money. We don't have a Code 3.

  5. August 4: Went to the Service Desk and tried to put a bag of M&Ms on layaway.

  6. August 14: Moved a, 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.

  7. August 15: Set up a tent in the camping department and told the children shoppers he'd invite them in if they would bring pillows and blankets from the bedding department to which twenty children obliged.

  8. August 23: When a clerk asked if they could help him he began crying and screamed, 'Why can't you people just leave me alone?' EMTs were called.

  9. September 4: Looked right into the security camera and used it as a mirror while he picked his nose.

  10. September 10: While handling guns in the hunting department, he asked the clerk where the antidepressants were.

  11. October 3: Darted around the store suspiciously while, loudly humming the, 'Mission Impossible' theme.

  12. October 6: In the auto department, he practiced his, 'Madonna Look' using different sizes of funnels.

  13. October 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed through, yelled 'PICK ME! PICK ME!'

  14. October 22: When an announcement came over the loud speaker, he assumed a fetal position and screamed;

'OH NO! IT'S THOSE VOICES AGAIN!'

  1. Took a bo
... keep reading on reddit ➑

πŸ‘︎ 17
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πŸ‘€︎ u/specklesinc
πŸ“…︎ Aug 19 2019
🚨︎ report
The actor who played Bilbo is really upset that a supermarket opened up right next to his house.

Unexpected item in the Baggins area.

πŸ‘︎ 127
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Mar 17 2019
🚨︎ report
Really!? That was a golden opportunity!

Watching the new season of The Chef Show on the Netflix, and in the Hog Island episode, John asks why cheese industry is so big there, and someone replies β€œit’s a beautiful place for dairy, it also it’s just a big dairy area”.

You mean.................................. a dairy-ah?

I’ll see myself out.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/SmashusK
πŸ“…︎ Sep 16 2019
🚨︎ report
A baton walks into the annual walking stick confrence.

As he's entering, a security guard stops him and says "You have to leave now. This area is staff only."

πŸ‘︎ 17
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πŸ‘€︎ u/The_Aristeian
πŸ“…︎ Aug 25 2019
🚨︎ report
Mountains aren’t just funny

They’re hill areas

πŸ‘︎ 19
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πŸ‘€︎ u/gamergangg
πŸ“…︎ Dec 04 2020
🚨︎ report
The mountains aren't just funny, they're

Hill areas

πŸ‘︎ 11k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/krishi2202
πŸ“…︎ Jul 14 2020
🚨︎ report
I explained, "You see son, mountains aren't just funny…"

…they're hill areas."

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/the_houser
πŸ“…︎ Dec 10 2020
🚨︎ report
Mountains aren’t funny

They’re hill-areas

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/TheSinkingShit
πŸ“…︎ Sep 21 2020
🚨︎ report
Mountains aren’t just funny...

They’re hill areas...

πŸ‘︎ 22
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Londoner1982
πŸ“…︎ Jul 14 2020
🚨︎ report
Mountains are not funny.

They are hill areas

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Gnome00
πŸ“…︎ Jun 13 2020
🚨︎ report
Mountains are not funny

They are hill areas.

πŸ‘︎ 19
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Gnome00
πŸ“…︎ Jun 13 2020
🚨︎ report
Mountain ranges aren't just funny..

..they are hill areas!

πŸ‘︎ 13
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Jun 25 2020
🚨︎ report
Why are mountains funny?

Because they're hill areas

πŸ‘︎ 434
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/RatchetLeague
πŸ“…︎ Aug 16 2019
🚨︎ report
Mountains aren’t just funny.

They’re hill-areas

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/aleccV
πŸ“…︎ Dec 20 2019
🚨︎ report
There was a zombie infestation in South Korea's Capitol

The president, hiding in a secret bunker, ordered the city to be nuked to contain the outbreak, killing both zombies and civilians in the area.

After the strike, he went to celebrate with his wife, but she was sad.

"Honey, we just ended the zombie epidemic. Why are you sad?" he asked.

She responded: "You killed millions of civilians. How can I be happy if you no longer have a Seoul?"

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/timeforepic_inc
πŸ“…︎ Dec 13 2019
🚨︎ report
Mountains aren’t just funny

They’re also hill areas....

πŸ‘︎ 24
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/cotswoldboy
πŸ“…︎ Nov 02 2019
🚨︎ report
Mountains aren’t funny...

They’re hill areas

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/SteevIrwin
πŸ“…︎ Dec 13 2019
🚨︎ report
Mountains aren’t just funny

They’re hill areas

πŸ‘︎ 97
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/master-of-some
πŸ“…︎ Apr 18 2019
🚨︎ report

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