Whoever figured out the 'days of the month correspond with your knuckles' thing had too much time on their hands
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πŸ‘€︎ u/BradC
πŸ“…︎ Jan 26 2017
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I'm nowhere close to being a Dad and I just pulled this on a friend. I'm excited for my future. imgur.com/gP1NdsK
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Lukamikudesu
πŸ“…︎ Sep 05 2013
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Ideas for months of the year puns?

Hi, could someone help me out with puns for the months of the year? January was Jan-new-ary, February was Feb-boo-ary, etc.

Just April would be great and if possible, the rest of the year

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πŸ“…︎ Apr 01 2019
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I have a whole book of 365 jokes, one for each day of the year. Here are some of the ones I dont cringe at:
  1.    Why do prisoners hate computers?
    

The escape key never works.

  1.   How do trees get on the internet? 
    

They log in.

  1.  Knock knock.
    

Who's there? Toucan. Toucan who? Toucan play at that game

  1. How do bees brush their hair? With honeycombs.

  2. Why was the empty Olympic stadium so hot? All the fans had left.

  3. Why did the cow cross the road? To get to the udder side.

  4. Why did the chicken cross the road? It was playing crossy road.

  5. Can February March? No but April may.

  6. Did you hear about the guy who stole a calendar? He got 12 months.

10.why are recycling bins so optimistic? Cuz they're full of cans.

[Insert minion meme]

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πŸ‘€︎ u/YepBackAtIt
πŸ“…︎ Jun 09 2019
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Why are Americans so slow to celebrate 07.04.

I mean, it was the 7th of April months ago...

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πŸ‘€︎ u/frasna7
πŸ“…︎ Jul 04 2018
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April’s showers bring sad horses.

A horse was in a hurry to make a sandwich before the last day of the month of April but was missing one ingredient, as 12:01 rolled around, all the horse had to say was β€œMay? Oh!” β€œNeighs”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Slothking666
πŸ“…︎ Jul 03 2019
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The award for the best dadjokes 2018 goes to...

… u/ebkbk for this post: Today, my son asked "Can I have a book mark?" and I burst into tears. 11 years old and he still doesn't know my name is Brian. made on 24.11. with 38.9k upvotes

[also already made by u/Tface on 25.03. for 16.9k upvotes]

Let's move on to the top 3 of each month:

January:

  1. Is this sub still active? by u/I_Fart_Liquids on 01.01. with 36.4k upvotes

  2. Gonorrhea would have been a great name for diarrhea medicine by u/daugarten on 20.01. with 30.8k upvotes

  3. An open letter to the mods of r/dadjokes: by u/Alfie_13 on 27.01. with 18.9k upvotes

February:

  1. Was watching Star Wars with my daughter. She asked why Luke was climbing inside a Tauntaun, I said to keep warm. by u/jakeisbill on 05.02. for 20.3k upvotes

  2. My daughter asked me what I'm posting on Reddit... by u/madazzahatter on 25.02. for 18.3k upvotes

  3. When a woman is giving birth, she is literally kidding. by u/ownworldman on 23.02. for 17.7k upvotes

March:

  1. I got an e-mail saying, "At Google Earth, we can read maps backwards!" and I thought... by u/madazzahatter on 21.03. for 22.2k upvotes

  2. Today, my son asked "Can I have a book mark?" and I burst into tears. by u/Tface on 25.03. for 16.9k upvotes.

  3. [When I reach home, my 1.5 y.o. son rushes out to the gate to sit in my lap while I park the car. Then he just grabs the steering and starts shaking it with brrrmmm brrrmmm sound. His cute antics always make me forget that he's suffering from a rare disease.](https://www.reddit.com/r/da

... keep reading on reddit ➑

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Skormes
πŸ“…︎ Jan 18 2019
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We just met our waitress

She comes over and introduces herself as April. Without skipping a beat dad says "Well that's next month". Facepalming insues.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Seanybonbon
πŸ“…︎ Mar 22 2014
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Dad is in hospital, texted me this

"My Dr only gave me 6 months to live - so I chose October to April 2056."

I laughed and yelled at him for scaring me

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πŸ‘€︎ u/torakwho
πŸ“…︎ Mar 20 2016
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