Anthony Grafton Puns

1. 1984 by George Orwell
2. Adventures of Huckleberry Finn by Mark Twain
3. Adventures of Tom Sawyer by Mark Twain
4. Alice’s Adventures in Wonderland by Lewis Carroll
5. All the President’s Men by Carl Bernstein and Bob Woodward
6. The Amazing Adventures of Kavalier & Clay by Michael Chabon
7. An American Tragedy by Theodore Dreiser
8. And Then There Were None by Agatha Christie
9. Angela’s Ashes by Frank McCourt
10. Anna Karenina by Leo Tolstoy
11. The Archidamian War by Donald Kagan
12. The Armies of the Night: History as a Novel, the Novel as a History by Norman Mailer
13. The Art of Fiction by Henry James
14. The Art of Living by Epictetus
15. The Art of War by Sun Tzu
16. As I Lay Dying by William Faulkner
17. Atonement by Ian McEwan
18. Autobiography of a Face by Lucy Grealy
19. The Awakening by Kate Chopin
20. Babe by Dick King-Smith
21. Backlash: The Undeclared War Against American Women by Susan Faludi
22. Balzac and the Little Chinese Seamstress by Dai Sijie
23. Bambi: A Life in the Woods by Felix Salten
24. Bel Canto by Ann Patchett
25. The Bell Jar by Sylvia Plath
26. Beloved by Toni Morrison
27. Beowulf by Anonymous
28. The Bhagavad Gita by Anonymous
29. The Bielski Brothers: The True Story of Three Men Who Defied the Nazis, Built a Village in the Forest, and Saved 1200 Jews by Peter Duffy
30. Bitch: In Praise of Difficult Women by Elizabeth Wurtzel
31. A Bolt from the Blue and Other Essays by Mary McCarthy
32. Brave New World by Aldous Huxley
33. Brick Lane by Monica Ali
34. Brigadoon by Alan Jay Lerner
35. [Candide](https://amzn.to/34jc

I don't want to step on anybody's toes here, but the amount of non-dad jokes here in this subreddit really annoys me. First of all, dad jokes CAN be NSFW, it clearly says so in the sub rules. Secondly, it doesn't automatically make it a dad joke if it's from a conversation between you and your child. Most importantly, the jokes that your CHILDREN tell YOU are not dad jokes. The point of a dad joke is that it's so cheesy only a dad who's trying to be funny would make such a joke. That's it. They are stupid plays on words, lame puns and so on. There has to be a clever pun or wordplay for it to be considered a dad joke.

Again, to all the fellow dads, I apologise if I'm sounding too harsh. But I just needed to get it off my chest.

The nurse asked the rabbit, “what is your blood type?”

“I am probably a type O” said the rabbit.

The doctor says it terminal.

The Devil strode down the middle of US Route 15, a spring in his step and a tune on his lips. Around him, the night-drenched forest stood silent in the light of the cold autumn moon, the bugs and bullfrogs and night-things going quiet in his presence. Somewhere far away, a wolf howled, followed by another, and then another, until the crisp air was filled with their eerie song. The children of the night, he thought with a sly grin, what music they make.

Route 15 runs through the wilderness for twenty miles between Grafton Falls and Berkeley. A few ramshackle houses press close to the road here and there. As the Devil passed, sleepers stirred in their beds, slick night terrors passing close to their minds. In one house, a crucifix fell from a wall, in another a mirror shattered. A dog whined and scurried into the darkness underneath a porch, and a cat fell dead of a heart attack. The Devil smiled at these things. The night was his to do with as he pleased, and it positively brimmed with possibility. Perhaps he would derail a train and listen to the heavenly sounds of twisting metal, breaking bodies, and rushing steam, or maybe he would wave his hand and cause the Kanawha River Dam to fail. The roar of water splashing downstream in a deadly tide, sweeping away everything in its path - buildings, bridges, babies in their cribs -rang in his head, and giddy excitement flowed through him. The night offered so much, but even he - as great and grand as he was - could only do one thing at a time.

The road bent around a wooded hillside, and somewhere in its growth, a homeless camp huddled around a feeble fire. One man muttered in his sleep, a weak noise of distress, and a woman’s period started, spilling down her legs in a sticky red torrent.

Yes, the night belonged to him.

And he intended to make the most of it.

Somehow

***

Fifteen miles away, a young girl sat on a window ledge with her knees drawn to her chest and watched the face of the cloud-wrapped moon. Below her, the town of Grafton Falls slept, frozen save for the single blinking caution light on Main Street several blocks over. Three miles east, beyond a dense stand of trees, Interstate 82 ran east-to-west. Occasionally she could glimpse the flash of passing headlights through the trees. In just a couple weeks, the leaves would be all down and she would be able to see the road more clearly.

She liked the interstate. She would watch the passing cars and wonder where they were going. She imagined

Alot of great jokes get posted here! However just because you have a joke, doesn't mean it's a dad joke.

THIS IS NOT ABOUT NSFW, THIS IS ABOUT LONG JOKES, BLONDE JOKES, SEXUAL JOKES, KNOCK KNOCK JOKES, POLITICAL JOKES, ETC BEING POSTED IN A DAD JOKE SUB

Try telling these sexual jokes that get posted here, to your kid and see how your spouse likes it.. if that goes well, Try telling one of your friends kid about your sex life being like Coca cola, first it was normal, than light and now zero , and see if the parents are OK with you telling their kid the "dad joke"

I'm not even referencing the NSFW, I'm saying Dad jokes are corny, and sometimes painful, not sexual

So check out r/jokes for all types of jokes

r/unclejokes for dirty jokes

r/3amjokes for real weird and alot of OC

r/cleandadjokes If your really sick of seeing not dad jokes in r/dadjokes

Punchline !

Edit: this is not a post about NSFW , This is about jokes, knock knock jokes, blonde jokes, political jokes etc being posted in a dad joke sub

Edit 2: don't touch the thermostat

Do your worst!

How the hell am I suppose to know when it’s raining in Sweden?

Mathematical puns makes me number

We told her she can lean on us for support. Although, we are going to have to change her driver's license, her height is going down by a foot. I don't want to go too far out on a limb here but it better not be a hack job.

Ants don’t even have the concept fathers, let alone a good dad joke. Keep r/ants out of my r/dadjokes.

But no, seriously. I understand rule 7 is great to have intelligent discussion, but sometimes it feels like 1 in 10 posts here is someone getting upset about the jokes on this sub. Let the mods deal with it, they regulate the sub.

They were cooked in Greece.

I'm surprised it hasn't decade.

He lost May

Two muffins are in an oven, one muffin looks at the other and says "is it just me, or is it hot in here?"

Then the other muffin says "AHH, TALKING MUFFIN!!!"

Don't you know a good pun is its own reword?

Said if she ever hosts a gender reveal party, when it comes time to pop the balloon she'll spray everyone with water.

Gender is fluid.

For context I'm a Refuse Driver (Garbage man) & today I was on food waste. After I'd tipped I was checking the wagon for any defects when I spotted a lone pea balanced on the lifts.

I said "hey look, an escaPEA"

No one near me but it didn't half make me laugh for a good hour or so!

Edit: I can't believe how much this has blown up. Thank you everyone I've had a blast reading through the replies 😂

It really does, I swear!

And now I’m cannelloni

Because she wanted to see the task manager.

But that’s comparing apples to oranges

And boy are my arms legs.

Amy

Put it on my bill

Heard they've been doing some shady business.

but then I remembered it was ground this morning.

Edit: Thank you guys for the awards, they're much nicer than the cardboard sleeve I've been using and reassures me that my jokes aren't stale

Edit 2: I have already been made aware that Men In Black 3 has told a version of this joke before. If the joke is not new to you, please enjoy any of the single origin puns in the comments

The Devil strode down the middle of US Route 15, a spring in his step and a tune on his lips. Around him, the night-drenched forest stood silent in the light of the cold autumn moon, the bugs and bullfrogs and night-things going quiet in his presence. Somewhere far away, a wolf howled, followed by another, and then another, until the crisp air was filled with their eerie song. The children of the night, he thought with a sly grin, what music they make.

Route 15 runs through the wilderness for twenty miles between Grafton Falls and Berkeley. A few ramshackle houses press close to the road here and there. As the Devil passed, sleepers stirred in their beds, slick night terrors passing close to their minds. In one house, a crucifix fell from a wall, in another a mirror shattered. A dog whined and scurried into the darkness underneath a porch, and a cat fell dead of a heart attack. The Devil smiled at these things. The night was his to do with as he pleased, and it positively brimmed with possibility. Perhaps he would derail a train and listen to the heavenly sounds of twisting metal, breaking bodies, and rushing steam, or maybe he would wave his hand and cause the Kanawha River Dam to fail. The roar of water splashing downstream in a deadly tide, sweeping away everything in its path - buildings, bridges, babies in their cribs -rang in his head, and giddy excitement flowed through him. The night offered so much, but even he - as great and grand as he was - could only do one thing at a time.

The road bent around a wooded hillside, and somewhere in its growth, a homeless camp huddled around a feeble fire. One man muttered in his sleep, a weak noise of distress, and a woman’s period started, spilling down her legs in a sticky red torrent.

Yes, the night belonged to him.

And he intended to make the most of it.

Somehow

***

Fifteen miles away, a young girl sat on a window ledge with her knees drawn to her chest and watched the face of the cloud-wrapped moon. Below her, the town of Grafton Falls slept, frozen save for the single blinking caution light on Main Street several blocks over. Three miles east, beyond a dense stand of trees, Interstate 82 ran east-to-west. Occasionally she could glimpse the flash of passing headlights through the trees. In just a couple weeks, the leaves would be all down and she would be able to see the road more clearly.

She liked the interstate. She would watch the passing cars and wonder where they were going. She imagined

The Devil strode down the middle of US Route 15, a spring in his step and a tune on his lips. Around him, the night-drenched forest stood silent in the light of the cold autumn moon, the bugs and bullfrogs and night-things going quiet in his presence. Somewhere far away, a wolf howled, followed by another, and then another, until the crisp air was filled with their eerie song. The children of the night, he thought with a sly grin, what music they make.

Route 15 runs through the wilderness for twenty miles between Grafton Falls and Berkeley. A few ramshackle houses press close to the road here and there. As the Devil passed, sleepers stirred in their beds, slick night terrors passing close to their minds. In one house, a crucifix fell from a wall, in another a mirror shattered. A dog whined and scurried into the darkness underneath a porch, and a cat fell dead of a heart attack. The Devil smiled at these things. The night was his to do with as he pleased, and it positively brimmed with possibility. Perhaps he would derail a train and listen to the heavenly sounds of twisting metal, breaking bodies, and rushing steam, or maybe he would wave his hand and cause the Kanawha River Dam to fail. The roar of water splashing downstream in a deadly tide, sweeping away everything in its path - buildings, bridges, babies in their cribs -rang in his head, and giddy excitement flowed through him. The night offered so much, but even he - as great and grand as he was - could only do one thing at a time.

The road bent around a wooded hillside, and somewhere in its growth, a homeless camp huddled around a feeble fire. One man muttered in his sleep, a weak noise of distress, and a woman’s period started, spilling down her legs in a sticky red torrent.

Yes, the night belonged to him.

And he intended to make the most of it.

Somehow

***

Fifteen miles away, a young girl sat on a window ledge with her knees drawn to her chest and watched the face of the cloud-wrapped moon. Below her, the town of Grafton Falls slept, frozen save for the single blinking caution light on Main Street several blocks over. Three miles east, beyond a dense stand of trees, Interstate 82 ran east-to-west. Occasionally she could glimpse the flash of passing headlights through the trees. In just a couple weeks, the leaves would be all down and she would be able to see the road more clearly.

She liked the interstate. She would watch the passing cars and wonder where they were going. She imagined

Now that I listen to albums, I hardly ever leave the house.