Anniversary Jokes Puns

My folks have been married 29 years.

Dad looks at me last night and says

If I killed her when I married her, Id be out by now.

Doctor: You've got a name?

Girl: Yes

Doctor: Good, I've always wanted to meet someone called "Yes"

He told us last night that he'll be asked his secret for success this morning.

He says at age 82 and after 37 alcohol-free years, the secret is fairly simple:

"Don't drink, and don't die."

This morning I woke up and my pillow was gone.

Today is the 13th anniversary of my father passing and this was my favorite joke that he used to tell. Enjoy.

For our anniversary my wife requested a printer/scanner. After doing some research I tell her that Brother would be a good brand to get.

"The one I'm looking at is black. That's a little bit racists, right?" Her face doesn't change, an indication that the joke failed and just to move on.

So she asks me if the printer has cables.

"Nope! It works through the wifi so you won't have to worry about wires! You can even print stuff from your phone!"

"Oh. So doesn't that mean I can't hook a Brother up?"

I was so proud of her.

My one year anniversary since i had back surgery is coming up and i cant think of any really good back jokes, if you guys could get the back surgery jokes straightened out that would be great!

March forth!

(And to my dad, happy anniversary of telling this joke every year of my childhood.)

Not a direct joke, but I was glad to hear on the radio the other day that the inspiration behind the invention of the sports bra was a dad joke

http://www.npr.org/sections/health-shots/2017/09/29/554476966/40-years-of-athletic-support-happy-anniversary-to-the-sports-bra