Age And Ageing Puns

His rival, Daniel Gabriel Fahrenheit claimed he was actually 107.

We're called Bone Spurs and Harmony.

(Edit, a typo)

So sometimes you’d have to call into work like, “Sorry, can’t make it in today, I’m 6.”

"I’ve never been this old before!"

“Daddy, where do I come from?”

His poor father started sweating, knowing that one day his son would want to know all about ‘it’. He looked around for his wife to take on the explanation, but she was out at the shops. It was no good, his father thought. ‘It’s time he knew’ and took the young lad to one side and explained how mummy and daddy met and then married and wanted to produce a baby and, well, you know the rest. After much awkwardness and embarrassment, after nearly an hour, the dad finally reached the point in the story where his son was born in hospital. The young boy’s face just stared back, mouth open and speechless. “So, tell me son, why do you ask?”

The boy, still in shock, said. “Billy Clark in our class, said he was from Chicago”

It’s called Pino More!

It's called the sausage sauce age

I was Bjorn in the wrong generation.

They are calling it the Millennium Falcon.

But it was still boring.

The children all lived in a nearby apartment complex. The younger siblings lived in apartment 8D and the older ones lived in apartment 9D. Detective Johnson advised Detective Smith that she probably shouldn’t bother question 8D’s children about what they saw, since they’re too young to have a reliable memory. He believed that Smith would have a better chance of getting good information from the older children, since only 9D’s kids will remember.

This is how I became world champion.

The Sausages.

.....the mammothematician.

At 8. You take her to bed and tell her a story. At 18. You tell her a story and take her to bed. At 28. You don't need to tell her a story to take her to bed. At 38. She tells you a story and takes you to bed. At 48. She tells you a story to avoid going to bed. At 58. You stay in bed to avoid her story. At 68. If you take her to bed, that will be a story. At 78. What story??? What bed??? Who the hell are you ???

It was a Shih Tzu

Arthrites.

A boomerang

Damn dial up connections!

The weasel asks, “What can I have?” The bartender replies, “I have bottled water, juice, energy drinks, and pop.”
“Pop!” goes the weasel..

I guess that explains why all these old folks are so salty.

This phenomenon is known as many paws.

"......gneiss guys finish last."

I suspect she wants me to be her sugar free daddy.

...and then it dawned on me she's just checking her peemail.

I suppose this morning's half-hearted squat to pee while moving was a reply-all.

A dad joke original from my dad!!!

Irony on two many levels.

Would you please just let everything blow over first..

Edit/update:

First let me say that we fortunately weathered the storm well, some damage, not major.

I grew up with a humorous dad, and I appreciate how humor can alleviate stress. Most of you "got it", some of you didn't, some (few) were offended.

I grew up with a dad who taught me the appreciation of MAS*H where Hawkeye Pierce made jokes and quips in a horrible environment (war).

My dad even joked when he got Covid-19, a serious issue at his age, he first told me saying "I tested positive.. I'm pregnant"

That said I want to say Thank You to those that got it.

Riding out a hurricane is a scary and anxiety ridden experience. Each time you commented you made me smile, chuckle and sometimes laugh. It brought a bright spot to an otherwise scary night, if only for a moment it would take my mind off of the raging wind and rain at my door each of the hundreds of times my phone notification went off as this post "blew" up! I can only hope it did the same for others who appreciate humor the way that my dad taught me to.

Thanks r/dadjokes

Godspeed to those still battling this storm and those that will battle the results in the days and weeks to come.

As Jimmy Buffet once said "If we couldn't laugh we'd all go insane"

Misdirection

I'm glue-ten intolerant.

Net-teller'.

Dad: Do you know how old your grandmother was when she had me?

Me: 16 right?

Dad: She had your aunt at 16, had a miscarriage and then gave birth to me at 17. You could say that she was a..(small pause).. busy beaver.

Ensue lengthy, full hearted laugh from him. Eye roll from me.