A man sued an airline company after it lost his luggage.
A farmer is out in the pasture with his Australian Shepherd. After getting all the sheep into their pen, the dog says to the man, "That's it! That's all 50 sheep!" The farmer looks confused and replies, "Fifty?! We only have 46 sheep!"
The dog replies, "Yeah, I rounded them up" 🐶 😉
A man has been arrested for punching his friend after he found out the drugs he was selling him was soap
Upon questioning, his friend reported, “I was just trying to help him get clean!”
After three years of studying hard at university, a young man gets his degree, and phones his father to share the good news.
"Dad, I've got my B.A.!"
"That's great," says his father, "only 24 letters to go. Now get the rest of them, and in the right order!"
Heard a news report about a man who died after being kicked through a window
Apparently it was a paneful death
A man was arrested after putting an explosive in a male cow.
The judge sentenced his to prison and said his actions were a bomb in a bull.
I told my father I don’t have a job anymore. I told him I couldn’t work for that man after what he told me
“What did he tell you ?” he asked
“He said I was fired”.
After I whispered the secret password to the man blocking the bathroom, he replied
Why did the man get sick after eating a loaf of bread?
One day a man found a genie lamp. It granted him three wishes. After making two wishes, he got greedy and wanted more so, he asked for two more.
And now he’s taking chemo
A drunk was walking on the sidewalk minding his own business when he sees a thief run by him and then turns the corner. Shortly after a cop walk by and asks the man “did you happen to see the thief that turned the corner” to which the drunk replies…
“Idk man when I got here the corner was already turned”
The local weather man retired after breaking both arms and both legs.
He was having trouble working with the four casts.
A man was arrested after intentionally getting America's national bird sick.
"Son, do you know the difference between Iron Man and Aluminum Man?" After thinking a minute, he asked, "No dad, what?" Smiling, I responded, "Iron Man stops the bad guys but..."
"Aluminum Man just foils their plans!"
A man is in critical condition after he swallowed $250,000 cash
Man dies after falling into a giant coffee vat...
His wife told reporters, "He didn't suffer, it was instant."
A man was rushed to the hospital after a freak explosion at the Miniature Western World Exhibit, where several plastic horses were lodged into his rectum.
Doctors describe his condition as stable.
What did the Mediterranean man say to his friend after he told him a funny joke?
What did the man say after another threw cyanide at him?
>!That's a salt, brother. !<
A man has been admitted to hospital after being shot with a starter pistol.
Police think it’s race related.
Why does the Bible never say God or Man rested after the first seven days?
The man that gets shot from a cannon at the circus just retired after 20 years.
They'll have a hard time finding another man of that caliber.
A man was brought to the ER after having consumed $10,000 dollars in large bills. He was then sent to the ICU but,
What did the man do after walking into a bar?
An old man goes to visit his doctor about painful peeing. His wife goes with him because the old man is hard of hearing. After an examination the Doctor says to the old man, "I need you to leave a urine, semen and feces samples for analysis."
The old man didn't quite hear the Doctor and asks his wife, "What did the Doctor say?"
The wife replies, "He wants you to leave your underpants here, dear."
A man got locked inside the Big Ben after his shift working as a cleaner.
I guess you could say he was in time for work the next day.
did you hear about the man who almost died after his left arm and leg got cut off?
A young man traveled the world in search of buried treasure. After five years with no luck, he received a prophecy from an enchantress which told of a vast hoard of golden loot squirreled away in Bermuda by a famous privateer crew.
Sure enough, after sailing for another year, he came to the place the enchantress had spoken of and found a trove of coins and medallions, enough to make him wealthy beyond his wildest dreams.
He brought all of it on board his ship and through storms and turmoil returned home with his prize. The assayor at the dock, however, took one look at all of it and told him it was worthless. Dejected, the young man walked away from his ship, and vowed never again to travel in search of his fortune.
"Sad, is it not?" said a friend of the assayor as he watched the young man shuffle away. "Aye," replied the assayor, "yet another victim of the pyrites of the Caribbean."
An older man was lounging on the sofa one evening with his glasses off. His wife joined him, and began slowly running her fingers through his hair. After a few moments she said, “You know, honey, without your glasses on, you still look just like the young, handsome man I married 50 years ago”…
The husband replied, “Thanks honey… Without my glasses on, so do you.”
A man is in legal trouble after harassing a sea cow at the Playboy Mansion.
He's been charged with crimes against Hugh's manatee.
A man was admitted to hospital after swallowing 6 plastic horses.
His condition has been described as stable.
Did you hear about the man that cries in his basement after receiving payment?
Apparently he’s a whine seller.
Florida man charged with murder after killing another man with sandpaper...
The defense decided to go for manslaughter citing that the perpetrator was only trying to rough the man up a bit
Man charged after stealing a board game from a police officer
It was a Risk he was willing to take.
What did the Asian man say to his friend after they offered to take him to lunch?
A man approached me after my last show ...
He said he wanted to buy the rights to one of the jokes I used in my routine, and handed me his American Express card.
I thanked him for the compliment, but informed him I couldn't take credit.
Man, I always act so naive the day after my birthday.
It's like I was born yesterday.
A man woke up in the hospital after a serious accident, the man yelled "DOCTOR! DOCTOR, I CAN'T FEEL MY LEGS!"
The doctor then replied "i know, i amputated your arms."
A man sued an airline company after it lost his luggage.
A man sued an airline company after it lost his luggage.
A man has legal problems after he harassed a sea cow at the Playboy Mansion.
He's wanted for crimes against Hugh's manatee.
A man sued an airline company after it lost his luggage. Sadly, he lost his case.
A man is in critical condition after swallowing $250,000 in large bills.
THIS JUST IN: A man is still in critical condition after swallowing $100,000 in large bills.
A man who took an airline to court after losing his luggage...
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