She gave zero F’s.
So I thought it was caused by faulty instrumentation but it was really due to Pilate error.
I was holding my daughter in the living room and she saw the jewelry making kit she got for Christmas. She asked me to make her a necklace.
So I immediately dropped her.
She held on to me and dangled with her arms around my neck.
"There, you're a necklace."
My 14 year old asked me this as we were eating.
My response?
Because if it had less it would be called a threek.
Not going to lie, the groan I got made me very happy
Or are we Finnish?
For terrible underwater breathing apparatus
I had a dream the other night where I got myself and some buddies good tickets, in row B to a baseball game. So we’re making our way to the seats, but we can see that the bottom two rows of seats are completely submerged in water. The game is still going on as normal, but we have to take it in from the stairs. I looked at my buddies and said “Boys I’m sorry, this isn’t what I had in mind when I bought seats below C level”.
You’d B-52 now
Sorry! My fault.
you shadow the hedgehog
I said: “because he’s cross eyed!?” to which he replied: “no, because he’s really heavy.”
Prism... it's a light sentence
Layhehu
so a sub read it
You can drop her off anywhere
You retire multiple times a day.
"Well, that means..." "It’s pasture bedtime!”
A boomerang
Sometimes he even laughs.
For hispanic attacks!
His mom was furious
Dr Filet
That's not actually the real punchline. My 4 year olds try to make up jokes and they never make sense so I always try to guess good punchlines but I am always wrong. The punchline is actualy >!poopoo!! <
Yeah, two of them become adult knees.
Either way, you end up smelling like ancient grease.
How do you get a country girl’s attention? A tractor.
So they throw one cigarette overboard and the boat becomes a cigarette lighter.
I know a bunch of good jokes about umbrellas, but they usually go over people’s head
Men with no pants, fighting for a belt.
Yeah, he can clock you a good one.
Save them to your Phone and always have witty jokes at the palm of your hand.
3.14 percent of sailors are pi-rates.
5/4 of people admit they’re bad at fractions.
A bartender broke up with her boyfriend, but he kept asking her for another shot.
A brain walks into a bar and takes a seat. “I’d like some wings and a pint of beer, please,” it says. “Sorry, but I can’t serve you,” the bartender replies. “You’re out of your head.”
A cheeseburger walks into a bar. The bartender says, 'Sorry, we don't serve food here.'
A college education now costs $100,000, but it produces three very proud people: the student, his mama, and his pauper.
A couple of cups of yogurt walk into a country club. “We don’t serve your kind here,” the bartender says. “Why not?” one yogurt asks. “We’re cultured.”
A friend of mine didn’t pay his exorcist. He got repossessed.
A friend of mine is known for sweeping girls off their feet. He’s an extremely aggressive janitor.
A guy walks into a bar, and there’s a horse serving drinks. The horse asks, “What are you staring at? Haven’t you ever seen a horse tending bar before?” The guy says, “It’s not that. I just never thought the parrot would sell the place.”
A guy walks into a bar...and he was disqualified from the limbo contest.
A pirate walks into a bar with a paper towel on his head. The bartender says, “What’s with the paper towel?” The pirate says, “Arrr! I’ve got a Bounty on me head!”
A turtle is crossing the road when he’s mugged by two snails. When the police ask him what happened, the shaken turtle replies, “I don’t know. It all happened so fast.”
Armed robbers—some say they’re a drain on society, but you’ve got to give it to them.
Barbers…you have to take your hat off to them.
Can February March? No, but April May!
Cooking out this weekend? Don’t forget the pickle. It’s kind of a big dill.
Dad, can you put my shoes on? No, I don't think they'll fit me.
Dad, can you put the cat out? I didn't know it was on fire.
Dad, did you get a haircut? No, I got them all cut!
Dad: Did you hear about the kidnapping at school? Son: No. What happened? Dad: The teacher woke him up.
Daughter: I have a lot of friends named Nathan. There’s Nathan Miller, Nathan Radcliff, Nathan Lewis… Me: When they are together, do you call them the United Nathans?
Dear Math, grow up and solve your own problems.
Did I tell you the time I fell in love during a backflip? I was heels over head!
Did you hear about the aquatic sea mammals that escape
... keep reading on reddit ➡Because Oct 31 = Dec 25
Because mount everest can't jump
“Oh no! Mi-chelle!”
He wanted to see thyme fly.
because he was stuffed!
It’s been awhile since I had it, but I remember it being a little jumpy and has a kick.
Unless you're prepared for the reaper cushions
The first one instructed his team to drive all their equipment in fast and work as quickly as possible. The work quality was poor and their crane actually fell over.
The second one instructed his team to work carefully. They created a sturdy platform for their crane, the quality was good, and they completed the project successfully.
>!Supporting Ur crane will always beat a Rush in!<
Prime mates.
When the punchline becomes apparent!
tooth hurty
