About Us Puns

It's usually pretty dead.

It's a Missouri

"It'll be grated on a curve."

Superintendent really wanted the students to get a Positive result in their upcoming tests.

Yes, the US is literally out of common cents!

I guess you can say it's an auto-biography.

You're supposed to run until you can't anymore or something like that...? I was thinking of trying one out but honestly I don't know how good I'd do I'm an awful runner...

My friend Tyrell tried one last year and said it was the hardest thing he'd ever done...

I still can't believe Tyrannosaurus

He then corrected himself. What he meant to say, was pencils of color.

To be honest, it was about thyme.

It was a pretty funny tangent, though

The police are saying that he’s still at large.

He has such a huge Eggo.

So technically, Insight’s purpose is to give us insight about what’s not IN SIGHT

Because 20/20 vision means you have perfectly good sight.

Pun on a pun: I wonder if RealClearPolitics.com will catch on.

"Someone help! Please! I'm in a nutshell! It's small and cramped in here!"

People are dying to get there.

I wonder if it'll be available on Nyetflix.

You could say she has a bone to pick.

The bear asks the rabbit, "You ever have a problem with poop sticking to your fur?"

The rabbit says, "No."

So the bear wipes his butt with the rabbit...

I wasn’t feeling quite like myself one day, so when she ran to me and shouted, “Aluminum!” I responded, “Can it! My plans have been foiled and I’m not in the mood to scrap.”

I replied, "Yes. Read it."

So, he was a guy I didn't Noel!

Dad: where is it taking us?

Me: [destination]

Dad: no, I meant how is it going to guide us there?

Me: on the roads

The dad replies:

"Iran"

"Don't get your hops up. This place doesn't even have a porter."

As we were learning about the urinary system in science, our teacher informed us that he had four kidneys as a kid. We freaked out, asking him does he still have them, and he said no. We asked him where the 2 extra kidneys where, and he just pointed towards his legs and said,"my kid knees."

FIL quips "I wonder what she's up to."

A few friends and I were talking about our food preferences. One friend says, "White rice isn't that good for you, since most of the nutrients and fiber are taken away during the bleaching and processing. Brown rice is a lot better for you." Then my other friend replies, "You know what they call people like you in Australia? Ricest."

Uncle: Not full-wifery then?

Me: Babysteps.

I raised my hand and asked "what kind of scholarship will you be sailing?" Many eye rolls

So my mom brought up that she's been seeing Papa John's commercials for their garlic knots, and how they now have cinnamon knots too. I said we should try them next time we have pizza, when dad hit us with this: "Let's get knotty!!" I haven't laughed that hard at the dining table in a very long time.

"The doctor asked me how's my hearing doing. I said 'what?'"

The character's name is Onion.

Me: I can see why you like that character. Sounds like he's got many layers.

Dad: Yeah, but the problem is he's got really thin skin.

Roommate: "Have I ever shown you guys my pet skunk? He died it was really sad."

Me: "Wow, that really stinks."

Me: Yeah in Asian countries some kids wear shirts with dirty engrish words on them.

Dad: So like an angry birds shirt with fowl language on it?

Took us a few moments to get it. Groans ensued.

She says "Its a laska" I immediately turn around and say "No, its australia"

Dad: "Well, now that you've started your diet, I guess we'll be seeing a lot less of you!"