I was trying to think of something funny to say about the last time I went to the pub with my mates...
But all I can think of are inn-jokes.
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︎ Apr 23 2021
At dinner time, talking about our days, I said work was busy because we're short staffed, and my 11yo boy says.....
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︎ Apr 15 2021
In these challenging times, I worry about the virus and keeping a roof over my head.
So I went and got the shingles vaccine.
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︎ Apr 08 2021
Auntie went up ladder into high part of house. High part of house not so strong. High part of house have dangerous things. I worry about Auntie. She up there long time. Later Auntie come down ladder, safe. Whole event was..
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︎ Mar 27 2021
What did Times New Roman say about Comic Sans?
Yeah, he's funny, but he's just not my type.
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︎ Mar 16 2021
Did you hear about the guy who only dated women named Esther, sometimes more than one at a time?
He identified as poly-Esther
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︎ Feb 24 2021
I'm building my own guitar, but every time I look at the wood I've bought for it, I get overwhelmed by anxiety about how it will turn out.
I shouldn't have started with the fretboard.
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︎ Feb 15 2021
Did you hear about the guy who repeated the same phrase more times than anyone else ever has?
Sounded like a broken record.
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︎ Feb 13 2021
The worst thing about driving a Time Machine....
.....is the kids at the back asking, "Are we then yet?"
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︎ Jan 04 2021
What did the pin hole camera say when the SLR camera asked about it's aperature and exposure time when taking a picture?
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︎ Jan 30 2021
I still dream about the time in my life when I used to sniff glue. It was many years ago now.
But that sort of thing stick in your mind.
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︎ Dec 28 2020
If you commit 90 sins, you will get caught about half the time.
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︎ Feb 25 2020
Hey Reddit, Wanna hear a joke about time travel?
Never mind. Yβall didnβt like it.
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︎ Dec 03 2020
Did I tell you about the time I ran into a pony at a bar?
He didn't say much though β he was a little horse.
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︎ Dec 09 2020
Iβm reading a book about these two melons that have a forbidden love. Theyβve tried to run away together many times, but are caught every time.
It seems that no matter how hard they try, they just canβt-elope
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︎ Aug 05 2020
I am about to become a dad for the second time...
Should my jokes become worse or more frequent?
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︎ Nov 05 2020
Einstein developed a theory about space, and it was about time too.
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︎ May 02 2020
I was about to tell a time traveling joke
but you guys didnβt like it
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︎ Aug 08 2020
My trigonometry teacher loves talking about unrelated subjects for a long time
I guess you could say that he sometimes goes off on a sin/cos
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︎ Sep 24 2020
Itβs weird- I canβt help but talk about footwear every time I sneeze.
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︎ Sep 30 2020
Every Sunday I read the Times and complain to my kids about that orange haired narcissist dominating the paper by insulting and mocking everyone, especially those closest to him.
That Garfield needs to learn how to think about more than just himself and his next plate of lasagna.
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︎ Mar 19 2020
I had a hard time learning about the American Revolution.
It made my head go round and round.
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︎ Oct 25 2020
One time in my anatomy class, we dissected a sheep brain and I have to admit, I felt a bit sheepish about it.
Sorry, that was just a ba-a-a-a-a-a-a-d joke.
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︎ Sep 15 2020
I got a contact to make a documentary about shoemakers. They didn't give me enough time to a great job...
...but I manged to cobble something together last minute.
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︎ Jun 06 2020
Did you hear about the time the lead singer of the band βThe Policeβ went undercover to catch a criminal?
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︎ Aug 21 2020
My son hates art so much that his body releases gas every time we talk about it
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︎ Aug 25 2020
Did I ever tell you about the time an elephant sat on me?
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︎ Jul 16 2020
I've just been accused of reposting a Dadjoke about Time travel tomorrow...
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︎ Jul 05 2020
An architect friend of mine keeps going on and on and on about how he has designed the greatest skyscraper of all time.
But I think he's built it up too much.
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︎ Jul 14 2020
I had a joke about grocery stores but now is not the right time to tell it
I think aisle tell it later
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︎ May 19 2020
Did I tell you about the time when I got attacked by 6 dwarves?
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︎ May 22 2020
Have you heard about the new game getting released? Itβs AI is 20 years ahead of itβs time, graphics are truly real life, an open world concept where anything you want to do is truly possible. Itβs called:
Go outside and ride your bike
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︎ Jun 25 2020
On Saturday, my son confronted me about why I spend time with him on only 1 day of the week, but I spend time with his sister every other day. I told him that I would take him to the movies tomorrow, and he asked if it was 'just because he asked'.
I told him, 'no, because it's Son Day'.
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︎ Jul 29 2020
My brother, the pro baseball pitcher, told me about the time he intentionally walked every player on the opposing team as a protest against unfairness in life...
That took a lot of balls.
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︎ May 20 2020
In olden times, making jokes about the way words sound was unfavored by society and would warrant a sever beating.
This ritual beating was called a PUN-ishment
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︎ Jun 04 2020
Did you hear about the bag of sugar that was caught illegally crossing the road for the second time that day?
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︎ Jul 22 2020
Warned my son about the dangers of drugs today. Told him a story about a girl I knew who went crazy from doing mushrooms all the time. Surprised, he asked, "Really?" I replied, "Yes, absolutely true."
"She became a little spore addict."
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︎ May 22 2020
Did you hear about the guy that got shot with an upholstery gun 200 times?
They said he's fully recovered.
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︎ Jun 22 2020
Did you hear about the time I dreamt I was a muffler?
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︎ Mar 02 2020
Have I told you about the time I tied my shoelaces with just the power of my mind?
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︎ Mar 26 2020
We were talking about reddit and how she doesn't use it. (First time posting here)
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︎ Mar 21 2019
The worst thing about time travelling are the kids asking:
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︎ Jun 27 2020
I have a joke about time travel
but you didn't like it...
π︎ 1k
π
︎ Sep 04 2019
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