When the road is a bit rocky...
I ran out of gas on the side of the road. Along comes a swarm of bees.
I was confused, but they seemed friendly. I told them what was going on, and they said: open the gas cap. One by one, each bee flew into the tank, and to my astonishment the gas gage went from empty to full. The bees said: start the car. So, I did and it ran. I asked them: what did you put in the tank? Bee pee.
Now that I’m officially a dad I have my first good joke. Me and my wife are driving down the road and a bug splats the window.
I turn to her and say “I bet he don’t have the guts to do that again”
Edit: holy shit y’all this blew up. Thank you master dads. I feel worthy
I never wanted to believe that my Dad was stealing from his job as a road worker.
But when I got home, all the signs were there.
A chicken crossing the road...
Walking down the road last night, I passed an apple pie, an ice cream sundae, and a lemon cheesecake.
I thought "the streets are strangely desserted tonight."
A very descriptive road sign
There’s a big thunderstorm. The road is blocked by a big mudslide. A little boy asks his dad, “Why does earth fall down like that?”
His dad answers, “It’s terrain.”
Dad stumbles out of the pub and spies a Nun waiting for a bus over the road..
Somehow he manages to weave through traffic and lands a punch so hard the nun hits the deck spitting teeth.
"HAH!!" shouts Dad.. "NOT SO TOUGH AFTER-ALL EH, BATMAN??!!!!"
What do you say to a cow when its in the road
Im really at a cross roads here
A magician walked down a road
And then turned into a driveway.
We’ve come to a fork in the road... don’t know where to go from here..
I told my friend to build a road from his house to his job
Now he’ll pave the way to success
I am driving through England on a road trip, and I’m supposed to be in Greenwich tomorrow.
Not too sure what to do in the Mean Time.
How does a legless turtle cross the road? 🐢
Take the F out of free and take the F out of way.
While riding down the road today, a fish jumped out of a boat that was being towed, and smashed into the front of my car.
It wasn't all bad though, I love grilled fish.
What happened when a strawberry decided to cross the road?
I was driving to a weekend hunting trip when I came to a fork in the road. Sign said bear left...
I saw a mouse on the road.
When I was a young boy, I was walking down a gravel road with my grandpa. I accidentally slipped and fell to the ground, cutting my knees. Grandpa gently bent down and began to clean the wound, removing the little pebbles now embedded in my skin as I cried...
I'd always heard adults talk about it, but I finally knew what they were talking about.
I'll never forget the pain of my first kid knee stones...
I was surprised about a pair of sunglasses on the road today
I got them for free, but that's way below street value
The sporting goods store downtown was having a big sale on canoe paddles, but traffic and road construction made it real pain to get there...
...yeah, it was quite the ordeal to get the oar deal.
Everyone's saying 2020 is a bad year. It's not looking great a couple years down the road either.
We used to live on a very busy main road.
But after our 4th child got run over, we decided to move into a house.
I found a sack on the side of the road. I reached inside to see if I could figure out who it belonged to. I think it belonged to Santa.
What do you get when you cross a road and a street?
A man is speeding down the road, so a cop pulls him over...
The cop says "Why weren't you braking back there?"
And the man replies "I'm wearing clean underwear."
The cop says "Why is that relevant?"
And the man says "Well, I don't wanna get any skidmarks."
Seems a little inappropriate having a strip club across the road from Mini golf in town. I’m a pretty liberal guy but if I’m having a day out with my family the last thing I want to look across the road and see is a bunch of losers playing mini golf.
What did the 2x4 say on a road trip?
“I’m board, are we stairs yet?”
Did you hear about the magic tractor? It went down the road and turned into a field!
A young boy was walking to school when he saw a dead dog in the road. When he got to school he told his teacher what he saw. “How do you know if the dog was dead?” She asked the boy. “I know because I pissed in his ear.” The teacher looked horrified. “What do you mean you pissed in his ear??”
‘I went up to him and went “Pssstt!” in his ear and he didn’t move.’
I took a road trip with my girlfriend who finally confessed she needs to stop and hug every now and again to reduce anxiety.
It was touch and go from there on.
Yesterday I saw a guy spill all his scrabble letters while walking down the road.
I asked him, “What’s the word on the street?”
Recently I took my family on a road trip, and we got a flat tire. When my daughter got out of the car to help, she almost got hit by a car.
Good thing she wasn't, that trip would've been short-lived.
I bought a copy of MS Office, but I dropped it on the road going back to my car...
...well, that's the Word on the street.
I saw a cyclist riding close to a steep cliff. He hit some gravel and veered away from the road toward the precipice. At the last minute he saved himself by jumping from his bike.
For a moment, I thought he was gone with the Schwinn.
I recently got a job making roads, it's boring as
Yesterday, I crossed the road, changed a light bulb and walked into a bar.
My life is turning into a joke
My sexual partner got run over by a road roller
I never wanted to believe that my brother was stealing from his job as a road worker
but when I got home, all the signs were there
What do you call a chicken crossing the road?
I refused to believe my son got fired as a road worker for theft.
But when I got home, all the signs were there
Yesterday I saw a guy spill all his scrabble letters on the road.
I asked him, “What’s the word on the street?”
A magician was driving down the road
Then he turned into a driveway.
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