10 years ago my colleague, and now best mate, made a legendary dad joke which I still think about to this day.
We were entry-level accountants at a large firm, doing a coffee run for a team of about 20. It took foreverrr for the cafe to make them all and even longer for us to figure out how to get all these coffees back upstairs. We finally get back to the team and one of the partners exclaimed “Guys! Where the hell have you been?! That took half an hour!” Being new we sort of didn’t say anything and slunk away to our desks. Then, out of nowhere about 15 seconds later, my mate sticks his head up and yells “better latte than never!”
That’s when he became my best mate.
The worst part about kissing a perfect 10 is
How cold the mirror feels on my lips
I've been a gynecologist for 10 years now, but it didn't take long for me to realize that the most important aspect of my job is...
Pick Up Line: If I had to rate you between 1 and 10, I'd give you a 9.
Because I'm the "1" you're missing.
A judge orders Mario to pay $10,000. Mario asks why? The judge says “It’s a fine”
Mario looks down and replies “No, itsa not”
She's a 10 but she's a huge Harry Potter fan
Courtesy of my 10 yr old son: what’s the time of year to use a trampoline?
My 9 year old tried out a cream that makes you look 10 years younger.
When I was a kid, my mother used to give me 10$ and send me to the market. I could take 1lt of milk, 10 eggs, flour, 3 bread loaves and two steaks, Today it’s impossible…
…all because of those damn security cameras.
We’ve been married 10 years and I just realized my wife knows nothing about me. I’m a musician but she thinks I produce sports equipment.
She says I’m always making a racket.
I dont know why people spend 10 cents a bag at the grocery store when you can buy the whole shopping cart for a quarter.
I just received a notice that I could win $10,000 in a fishing tournament that I could enter at no charge
I thought, "I know there's a catch somewhere."
A simple quality standard for a great joke: No joke should be too lame or too obvious. So I checked the top 10 posts in r/dadjokes Does this sub meet the standard for "great" jokes?
no pun in ten did
That folks is why they're dad jokes...
I was in my kitchen and saw a group of 10 ants running around frantically.
I felt bad, so I made a small house for them out of a cardboard box. This technically makes me their landlord, and they are my.....ten ants.
10 cows are in a field, how do you tell which one is on holiday?
It's the one with the wee calf (Scottish dad joke)
I submitted 10 jokes for a contest and lost.
Im tired of people complaining about $7 beers, $10 parking and a $20 cover charge.
Don't like the prices, stop coming to my house.
A funny joke from my 10 y/o
You see a cave full of pants and treasure. You ask, "Why are there pants in this cave?"
I answer, "To protect my booty."
According to a recent survey, 6 out of 10 Americans admit to being poor at math.
I knew we had a problem, but 75% is ridiculous.
I won $10,000,000 in the lottery and donated a quarter to charity
Now I have $9,999,999.75!
I asked my wife to rate my listening skills and she said, “You’re an 8 on a scale of 10.”
I still don’t get why she wanted me to urinate on a skeleton.
Pun walked into a room and killed 10 people
A nurse at my local hospital charges $10 each time a patient needs a band-aid removed.
I'm an author and I'm launching a series of books aimed at 10-12 year olds
One of these days I might actually hit one of those little buggers
I finally arrived after being a father for nearly 10 years...
My kids want peanut butter and jelly for lunch everyday. I made Tuna fish yesterday and they all loved it and wanted it for lunch today.
On my daughter's way out of the car this morning I said,
"I hope you enjoy the "alTunative" to pbj."
She got it and I finally feel worthy.
Due to this sub's unending debate about what equals a "Dad Joke", I have my own measure for whether or not to upvote/award... It must be more than some lame, unimaginative, "heard it 1000 times" pun. I just reviewed whether the top 10 jokes off all time from this sub meet this standard, and sadly...
I entered 10 puns into a best pun competition to see if one would win.
I just made a list of my top 10 favourite Dad jokes. The first 9 are great but the last one is an absolute cracker
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great
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great
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great
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great
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great
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great
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great
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great
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great
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An absolute cracker
My wife asked me “On a scale of 1-10, how would you rate me?” I told her 11
On a pH scale because she’s basic as hell.
I submitted 10 puns in a pun contest. Guess how many got selected?
Husband: "Scientists have found that men say about 10,000 words a day, while women say about 20,000..."
/r/Jokes/comments/uzmakw/…
What did an 8-eyed mommy spider and a 10 eyed daddy spider name their 12-eyed baby?
Seymore
What did a 8-toothed mommy alligator and a 10-toothed daddy alligator name their 9-toothed baby?
Maurice (they just liked the name)
a recent study found that 12 out of 10 people are schizophrenic
interestingly enough, 9 of those weren't
Bill Gates meets Arnold Schwarzenneger at a party and asks him if he's upgraded to Windows 10 yet? Big Arnie replies.......
"Ah still love Vista Baby....."
A man walks into a bar and orders 10 times more then anyone else had that night
the bartender says "wow, thats an order of magnitude"
I was thinking back to my childhood and remembering when a pay phone call cost 10 cents. Not long after, they doubled the price to 20 cents.
...
...
Boy, that was a real pair o dime shift
My wife just finished a hard core weight loss program she lost 10.6 lbs
What do you call 10 guys waiting for a haircut?
"How are you a single dad?" my first date in 10 years asked.
"I'm good, thank you. How are you, a single mom?"
I put 10 puns in a contest to see which one would win…
I walked in my bathroom and saw 10 ants frantically scurrying about. I felt bad, so I built them a small house from a cardboard box. I guess, technically, this makes me their landlord since...
A pun enters a room and kills 10 people...
I entered 10 puns in a contest to see which one would win
I asked my wife to rate my listening skills and she said, “You’re an 8 on a scale of 10.”
I still don’t get why she wanted me to urinate on a skeleton...
A pun walk into a room and kills 10 people.
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