Was leaving the shop when an employee said "I love your accent."
I said "Thanks, been working on it my whole life."
Wife just face palmed and had to apologize on my behalf but I was pretty happy with myself.
if you're writing a love story on your computer, avoid the spacebar.
they separate characters.
[Had our first kid 3 weeks ago. This joke came to me without warning. It begins.]
What do you get when you meet the love of your life?
My wife sent me a heartwarming text that read, “If you're sleeping, send me your dreams. If you're laughing, send me your smile. If you're eating, send me a bite. If you're drinking, send me a sip. If you're crying, send me your tears. I love you!”
I replied, “I'm on the toilet, please advise…”
What do your call two guys that love math?
Algebros. Via my 10 yo daughter
My mom bought my wife Minnie mouse pj's for her birthday. She wore them last night for the first time. My daughter came in to our room this morning and said "Mom, I love your Minnie pajamas!"
I responded, "Actually they're full size."
My friend and I have a love of puns, and he came up with this one today: What is the term for being very surprised that someone sprayed Lysol in your face?
Wife: I love you darling, but I can't stand your obsession with Irish rock-bands.
What do you call it when you make love to your best friend?
When your friends know you love puns and send you things like this >>>>>>
What do you call a pig that makes love to your evergreen?
Dad: Son, your love of Korean music is tearing this family apart.
If he don’t love you anymore, just walk your slime ass out the door...
Love is like peeing your pants...
... Everyone can see it, but only you can feel the warmth.
How do you know if your love interest is into you?
Invite them to the gym. If they show up...
♦
...then you know you're working out.
I read it's romantic to scatter rose petals on your bed, but they were too expensive. Instead, my wife and I will just have to make love on..
Don't you love it when it's a hot summer day and you take a drink of water? Your mouth feels like it's finally reach salvation.
My wife likes to call me "your majesty" when we make love
Because I'm faux king awesome
Finding your love isn't a walk in the park, but Priyanka did picnic
Explaination: Priyanka Chopra marries Nick Jonas
I see your WifiLoveHer router name and raise you a Game of Thrones
I love your dad bod.
Yeah, it's growing on me.
I'm your biggest van, I'll follow you until you love me...
Someone: I love your hair!
Me: Thank you, I grew it myself!
If you have promised your partner or children that you will love them and cherish them 24/7...
Remind them that today is
24/7
She: (In romantic mood) I love your eyes
Me: They came free with the head
Started a pun website where I just basically post the best puns I find on the internet. Would love your opunions!
badjokesnobs.com
What's it called when you love the same person your whole life?
If Peter Frampton was a bodybuilder his best song would be "Baby I love your whey"
Son, I know you don't always love your job, but just be glad you are not in the tyre business.
.. you would never be able to retire.
Did I ever tell you kids that I fell in love with your mother while I was doing a back flip?
I was heels over head in love...
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