I sat down for dinner at a restaurant and the waiter asked me, “Do you want to hear today’s special?” I replied, “Yes please.” He continued, “No problem sir."
“Dad, do you want me to bring you joy?”
My 6-year-old son made me proud! He asked me, “Dad, do you want me to bring you joy?” I gave him a puzzled look. He brought back a Christmas decoration that I had overlooked putting away, a 12” high wooden stand-up word, “J O Y.“ He brought me joy in more ways than one! He’s a chip off the old block. 😀
If you want to join a Scrabble club, give me a call
I’ll put in a good word for you
You want me to change the safety wire in your electrical equipment?
Times are tough right now, so I want to let you know you can count on me.
You can only count to 10, though, because I'm not letting you touch my toes.
My son accidentally smashed his foot on the table and as he was hopping around the room screaming in pain, I rushed to the phone, picked it up and asked him, "Do you want me to call..."
I worry that you only want to marry me because my father left me a fortune.
Don't be silly. I'd want to marry you regardless of who left you the fortune.
Me: *buying groceries* Cashier: Do you want a box for that?
I’d rather not, I’m somewhat of a pacifist.
Woman: Dr Dr. You gotta help me... My 3 sons all want to be valet drivers when they grow up...
It seems you have parking sons disease. There's nothing else I can do fer ya.
"How do you want to die?" She asked, standing over me with the weapon in her hand. "Making love." I replied.
Me: I need 500 2x4s. Lumber man: How long do you want those 2x4s?
Me: I'd say 40 years. I'm planning to build a house.
Want me to tell you the story about the planet that exploded?
Actually, its pretty self ex-planetory
Come with me if you want to live in the swamp
Do you know what makes me want to throw up?
A dartboard on the ceiling
Me: What do you kids want for dinner?
Kids: I don’t know.
Me: Sorry…fresh out of that.
This back and forth dialog happens several times a week in my house.
When I was a young boy my dad said to me, you can be anything you want in life, the sky is the limit.
Which made me sad. cause I wanted to an astronaut.
Want me to tell you a joke about butter?
Actually, nevermind, it’ll slip past your head.
You don't want to be a chimney sweep with me?
Alright then, soot yourself.
So you want to listen to my “Believe” album with me?
Do you want me to say my Van Gogh joke? You do? Alright then...
Wife: I want you to support me
Husband: I will be your bra
“So tell me, why do you want to be in the subtraction industry?“
To make a difference, sir!
You want to know what makes me smile?
This woman walked up to me in a bar. She said, "You know what I want? I want a man that can make jokes about space!"
I said, "You'll meteorite man some day."
"Hey! You want a piece of me?" I asked.
As I walked around the Transplant Ward.
Husband - “I can’t go to work anymore, you don’t even want to know what the boss said to me…” Wife - “What?! What did he say?”
Husband - “You’re fired!”
Dad- “Hey son, want me to tell you why my jacket keeps me so warm, even in this frigid weather?”
The wife and kids went to my in-laws for a cookout, I stayed home to work on a few projects. She sent a text, "do you want me to bring home some brats?"
I responded, "is there an option to leave them all there?"
I was at the horse racing track today and this guy comes over to me and says, "You want the winner of the next race?"
"No Thanks!!" I said. "I've only got a small garden."
Dad, I want to thank you for teaching me the proper use of the word 'plethora'
Call me what you want, just don't call me late for dinner...
I might turn into a real supper-villain...
My son asked me, “Do you want to hear a really good Batman impression!?” I said, “Go on, then.” He shouted, “NOT THE KRYPTONITE!” I laughed, “That’s Superman.”
He said, “Thanks dad, I’ve been practicing a lot.”
My wife was heating up some leftovers for lunch. She asks: "Hun, do you want me to heat you up a plate?"
"Sure, but can you put some food on it first?"
My Australian friend asked me, “Do you want to watch the latest Bond movie?”
Me: No Time to Die?
Friend: That’s ok. How about tomorrow?
- You don't want to suffocate me?
▪I'll do it smother time.
During a divorce hearing the judge ask the son if he wanted to live with his mom or dad. The son answered, "neither they both beat me." So the judge asked, "who do you want to live with?"
The son answered, "the U.S. Women's Soccer Team. They only beat themselves.
**Genie: I will grant you 2 wishes** **Me: I want to be rich.** **Genie: Okay granted, second wish?** **Rich: I'd like loads of money.**
I went to the store to buy a french loaf and the clerk asked me "how do you want this to be put away?"
The salesman asked me , “so which mattress do you want?”.
I said , “it’s a big decision, I need to sleep on it”.
Tell me mommy, at first did you want a boy or a girl?
At first I just wanted to take a shower
My son accidentally smashed his foot on the table and as he was hopping around the room screaming in pain, I rushed to the phone, picked it up and asked him, "Do you want me to call..."
I sat down for dinner at a restaurant, and the waiter asked me, “Do you want to hear today’s special?”
I said, “Yes please.”
Waiter: “No problem sir. Today is special.”
Edit: You guys are way too generous. Thank you.
My son accidentally smashed his foot on the table and as he was hopping around the room screaming in pain, I rushed to the phone, picked it up and asked him, "Do you want me to call..."
My son accidentally smashed his foot on the table and as he was hopping around the room screaming in pain, I rushed to the phone, picked it up and asked him, "Do you want me to call..."
My son asked me, “Do you want to hear a really good Batman impression!?” I said, “Go on, then.” He shouted, “NOT THE KRYPTONITE!” I laughed, “That’s Superman!”
He replied, “Thanks dad! I’ve been practicing a lot!"
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