Where are "Yes-men" and People Pleasers made?
My wife laughed, "The lottery is a tax on fools who can't do math!" I shrugged and said, "You never know! Anybody can win the lottery." Folding her arms, she asked, "Do you even know the chances of a person winning the lottery?" I shot back, "Yes!! 100%!!"
An old guy goes to the chemist and asks the pharmacist, "Is there some pills that can help with sex?" The pharmacist says, "Yes, Viagra, it's awesome, I take it myself" The old guy asks, "Can you get it over the counter?" Pharmacist replies, "If I took 2 or 3, probably."
Jesus told Peter, "Come forth and ye shall have eternal life"
But Peter came fifth and won a toaster
My wife asked me whether I experimented with sex and drugs when I was in high school, and I said Yes.
Unfortunately I was part of the control group.
Yes, those are chickens and yes that is a ...
And god said to John “come forth and ye shall receive eternal life.”
But John came in fifth and only got a toaster.
A woman checks out of target with two apples, a banana, and a quart of ice cream. The cashier asks, “Are you single?” The woman replies, “Yes, how could you tell?”
I was at the supermarket and I picked up these little odd shaped onions. When I got home my wife asked should she use them for dinner tonight, I told her "Yes, but they're quite strong so...
I got down on one knee and asked her if she'd be the mother to my kids, she said yes...
Guess who's gonna find a bunch of losers in a box tomorrow morning at their doorstep.
While having dinner last night, my daughter looked up at me and asked, "Daddy, you're the boss in our family, right?" Proudly, I replied, "Yes, my little princess, yes I am!"
She continued, "That's because mommy put you in charge, right?"
A friend asked me if i read the book and i said "yes, i have ..."
I’m debating whether to write “YES” on my left hand and “NO” on my right hand.
I mean, on the one hand, yes, but on the other hand, no.
A man went to the funeral of his dear friend and asked the wife of the deceased to ask if he could say a word, to which she said: Yes. He said "Plethora"
She said "thank you, that means a lot"
I'm Adam. In the spirit of Kanye shortening his name to Ye, I'm going to be a more positive person and shorten mine to Ad.
Dad called and told me "you know how you're always picking on my about eating German sausages?" I said yes what about it?
I was talking to a guy at work. The conversation got around to wives, and he said he had been widowed three times. I said "Three wives, all dead and buried?" He said "Yes."
"What happened to the first one?"
"Poison Mushrooms."
"What happened to the second one?"
"Poison Mushrooms."
"And the third?"
"Fractured skull."
"How did that happen?"
"She wouldn't eat the bloody poison mushrooms."
What do ye call a pirate with two eyes and two legs?
Yes, I cat call. And I won't apologize for it.
I don't care if it's Tabby, Siamese, persian or even mixed breed. If I see a cat, I'm calling it over to me. And petting it too, if I can.
"I've never had an accident and I never will," said Tom recklessly.
.
"And then the man took off his shoes to prove he had 11 toes, and I lost the bet," Tom recounted.
.
"Yes, I'm starting a legal business," Tom affirmed.
.
More in /R/TomSwifties
reddit.com/r/TomSwifties
And the Lord said onto John " Come Forth and ye shall receive eternal life."
But sadly John came in fifth and only received a toaster.
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