Shopping for a Baby monitor
What do sprinters eat before a race?
This is real lee getting out of hand
Hope you are WW2 aviation fans...
I know all 25 letters of the alphabet....
Its that time of the year. Blessed
I made up a joke about the sound a tap makes when you turn it on full blast, but no one got it.
Which weighs more, a pound of water or a pound of kerosene?
The water, because the other one is the lighter fluid.
"Dad, I don't remember that guy's name, what is it?"
Mr. E.!
(Came to me in a flash, totally whooshed my son unfortunately)
I have a scary joke about math, but I'm 2² to say it.
As a doctor I never made a joke about an unvaccinated baby.
But let me give it a shot.
Me: Did you know that abbreviating names might be sometimes confusing?
GF: Really?
Me: Yes.
George Foreman: How so?
I just saw my wife walk by with her sexiest underwear on, which can only mean one thing.
Which kind of fish is made of only two sodium atoms?
What has four letters, sometimes has nine, but never has five
I used to hate facial hair.
What do you call a harelipped dog?
Mark
Before I get whooshed: Mark Mark Mark instead of bark bark bark
I just found out I’m colorblind.
The diagnosis came completely out of the purple.
"Help! There's a mysterous force pulling me into the floor!"
Wife: "Please get up off the floor and stop embarrassing yourself."
Dad: "Honey, do you not understand the gravity of this situation?!"
I really enjoy my job as a claymation model designer
I make six figures a year
Because C is pronounced as see (stolen from 9GAG a few years ago)
I'm best friend's with 25 letters of the alphabet
The funniest things are always said in the third person.
How does the moon cut his hair.
My wife complains that I never buy her flowers.
I didn't know she sold any!
I had a game of quiet tennis today.
It's just like regular tennis but without the racket!
Aimed at a younger audience
It’s incredible how many people confuse “to” and “too”.
My mom keeps buying my sister stuff and not me. I guess she likes to
Why haven’t wind powered ships been thought of???
Why did the girl stop eating meat and dairy products?
She vegan to feel guilty about it.
I used to bicycle to work and was never once late.
Unfortunately, after my bout with colon cancer, that ended. It's hard to be punctual with only a semi-colon
Smoking will kill you... Bacon will kill you...
But smoking bacon will cure it.
What do you tell your daughter when she is crying?
What do you tell a pirate who doeson't get a joke?
Why do cows wear bells?
Because their horns dont work
The Wright bothers built the first airplane
Their approach was plane and simple
Got my 3 year old, but she didn't get it
We were playing "restaurant", and this was a special restaurant that only only animals went to.
In the middle of playing a family of goats came to the restaurant and they were ordering their food.
"Daddy, what's the baby goat going to eat?"
"The kid's meal"
I cracked myself up
"I" before "E" except after "C".
What’s so great about Switzerland?
Well... the flag is a big plus. 🇨🇭
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