What did the surgeon say to the patient who insisted on closing his own incision?
What would you say about someone who likes automobiles, writing instruments, and forests?
That they’re in to carpentry!
What did the chicken say when asked who his favorite classical composer was?
What did the Queen Bee say to the worker bees who were fighting?
She asked them to bee-hive
What did the gardener say to the two men who were fighting?
Two thistles are arguing over who has the better yard The one turns to the other and says "your dirt is way too loose, man, look" and yanks him up and out of the ground Second thistle looks up at the first and goes
"I artichoke you for that"
Barbie and Ken are continually arguing over who will empty the dishwasher. One day, Ken says "Barbie, I've unloaded the dishwasher every day this week.. can you PLEASE do it just this once?"
What did the tomato say to the person who was about to eat him?
I hate you from my head to-ma-toes.
They say there are 10 types of people in this world: those who understand binary and those who don't.
I think that's Booleshit.
To all of you who have been disowned by fathers. In honor of pride month and on behalf of all dads of R/dadjokes I just wanna say, buffalo.
Because you can always be our bi-son, and even if you don't feel like shooting straight, we will always be trans-parent with you. You are loved.
What do you say to a woman who has given birth to members of the military?
Thank you for your cervix.
What did the monk say who saw the face of Jesus in a tub of margarine?
I can't believe it's not Buddha.
What did the tree say to his buddy, who was about to get in a fight?
What does a tea hater say to the waiter who brought them tea when they ordered coffee?
That's not my cup of tea.
What does a medium who wears rose-colored glasses say?
What did Mr. Willy, a man who served his country, say to Mr. Rubber?
.
.
.
"Cover me, I'm going in!"
There was once a old grape farmer, who had gone through many droughts. When his grapes had fallen and dried out, all he could say was....
Everything happens for a raisin.
They found bones of a homisapien who lived before the ice age. Some say he was the first hipster...
since he lived on the earth before it was cool.
What do you say of someone who envies a pudding?
"Confucius Says...War doesn't determine who is right. War determines who is left."
Two chinese Christians are having a contest to see who can contact God the fastest. After one wins, the other looks at him and says
If you have something urgent to say to your magician friend who you can only communicate with via mail...
You better use a Penn & Teller
A guy says he taught his dog Morse code. "Aye right Show me." Mate says. Guy turns to dog and asks "who's been a good boy then?" Dog uses paw on ground. Tap tap pause tap long pause tap pause tap pause tap long pause tap pause tap pause tap long pause tap tap tap pause tap. "what he say?" Mate asks
What did the paramedic say to the patient who needed to vent?
What did the person who discovered the wheel say?
What a revolutionary discovery!
What did the Cow say to the other cow who was in her way?
Moo outta my way, you cow.
Everybody who voted today gets to say they got exercise.
Because they exercised their right to vote.
Ramadan is starting today. To all my Muslim friends who are observing this holy month, I have one thing to say.
What did the king of breadland say to his servant who upset him?
I loaf you will all my anger
What did the cell say to the other cell who stepped on its foot?
Today at dinner, my little brother asked me who a skeleton’s favorite celebrity is. I asked who, then he proceeded to Skeletor laugh and say....
I can’t stand people who say data we all know it’s pronounced...
What did the dad say to his son who wouldn't shut up about buying him a cup so he could play sports?
To all the women out there who say size doesn’t matter:
You are all extremely shallow
What did the Eastern European say to his friend who was swearing a lot?
Hey, stop using such Bulgar language
(Eastern euro joke 6/7)
A wife says to her husband: "Honey, I want to donate my clothes to people who are starving."
The husband replys: "Debra whoever receives your clothes surely won't be starving."
(I apologise if this has already been posted, I just heard my dad say it to me today.)
What do you say to someone who has been on the moon when you feel bad about something?
>You Apollo-gize
(From my son today, he has improved astronomically over the past few years.)
What did the emporar who lost his castle say?
What did the chicken say to the Lobster who refused to wear a face mask?
What did the surgeon say to the patient who insisted on closing up his own incision?
Two chinese Christians are having a contest to see who can contact God the fastest. After one wins, the other looks at him and says
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