A list of puns related to "What the Funny"
Boy, was my face red!
Fission chips.
Son: maybe it's so he could be a frank in stein? Me: Dammit Frank!
Allele bit funny
I dunno the difference but they're both steamed
My dad made some dad humour joke and the waitress "laughed"
So I asked my dad "How do you do it? make a lame but funny joke no matter the situation and it just come to you!"
He replied "The secret is you have to just look for humour everywhere" and proceeded to lift things on our table (plates, shakers, etc.)
A giant list of puns
What do you call a fake noodle? An Impasta.
I would avoid the sushi if I was you. It’s a little fishy.
Want to hear a joke about paper? Nevermind it’s tearable.
Why did the cookie cry? Because his father was a wafer so long!
I used to work in a shoe recycling shop. It was sole destroying.
What do you call a belt with a watch on it? A waist of time.
How do you organize an outer space party? You planet.
I went to a seafood disco last week... and pulled a mussel.
Do you know where you can get chicken broth in bulk? The stock market.
I cut my finger chopping cheese, but I think that I may have greater problems.
My cat was just sick on the carpet, I don’t think it’s feline well.
Why did the octopus beat the shark in a fight? Because it was well armed.
How much does a hipster weigh? An instagram.
What did daddy spider say to baby spider? You spend too much time on the web.
Atheism is a non-prophet organisation.
There’s a new type of broom out, it’s sweeping the nation.
What cheese can never be yours? Nacho cheese.
What did the Buffalo say to his little boy when he dropped him off at school? Bison.
Have you ever heard of a music group called Cellophane? They mostly wrap.
Why does Superman gets invited to dinners? Because he is a Supperhero.
How was Rome split in two? With a pair of Ceasars.
The shovel was a ground breaking invention.
A scarecrow says, "This job isn't for everyone, but hay, it's in my jeans."
A Buddhist walks up to a hot dog stand and says, "Make me one with everything."
Did you hear about the guy who lost the left side of his body? He's alright now.
What do you call a girl with one leg that's shorter than the other? Ilene.
I did a theatrical performance on puns. It was a play on words.
What do you do with a dead chemist? You barium.
I bet the person who created the door knocker won a Nobel prize.
Towels can’t tell jokes. They have a dry sense of humor.
Two birds are sitting on a perch and one says "Do you smell fish?"
Do you know sign language? You should learn it, it’s pretty handy.
What do you call a beautiful pumpkin? GOURDgeous.
Why did one banana spy on the other? Because she was appealing.
What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef.
What do you call a cow with two legs? Lean beef.
What do you call a cow with all of its legs? High steaks.
A cross eyed teacher couldn’t control his pupils.
After the accident, the juggler didn’t have the balls to do it.
I used to be afraid of hu
... keep reading on reddit ➡A man is driving down the road and breaks down near a monastery. He goes to the monastery, knocks on the door, and says, My car broke down. Do you think I could stay the night? The monks graciously accept him, feed him dinner, even fix his car. As the man tries to fall asleep, he hears a very strange sound. The next morning, he asks the monks what the sound was, but they say, We can't tell you. You're not a monk.
The man is disappointed but thanks them anyway and goes about his merry way. Some years later, The same man breaks down in front of the same monastery. The monks again accept him, feed him, and again fix his car. That night, he hears the same strange noise that he had heard years earlier. The next morning, he asks what it is, but the monks reply, We can't tell you. You're not a monk.
The man says, All right, all right. I'm dying to know.
If the only way I can find out what that sound was is to become a monk, how do I become a monk?
The monks reply, You must travel the earth and tell us how many blades of grass there are and the exact number of sand pebbles, when you find these numbers, you will become a monk. The man sets about his task. Some 54 years later, he returns and knocks on the door of the monastery.
He says, I have traveled the earth and have found what you have asked for. There are 145,236,284,232 blades of grass and 231,281,219,999,129,382 sand pebbles on the earth.
The monks reply, Congratulations. You are now a monk. We shall now show you the way to the sound.
The monks lead the man to a wooden door where the head monk says, The sound is right behind that door. The man reaches for the knob, but the door is locked.
He says, Real funny. May I have the key? The monks give him the key, and he opens the door. Behind the wooden door is another door made of stone.
The man demands the key to the stone door. The monks give him the key, and he opens it, only to find a door made of ruby. He demands another key from the monks, who provide it.
Behind that door is another door, this one made of sapphire, And so it went until the man had gone through doors of emerald, silver, topaz, and amethyst.
Finally, the monks say, This is the last key to the last door.
The man is relieved to know that he has finally reached to the end.
He unlocks the door, turns the knob, and behind that door he is amazed to find the source of that strange sound.
But he can't tell you what it is because you're not a monk.
What was the reason for the Avon Lady funny walk?
Her lipstick
My dad worked in construction for most of his life, and because he worked with his hands, he sacrificed many watches. But if you don't have a watch, how are you to tell time? My dad has a great sense of humor and is always thinking of new ways to do things to make them more practical or thinking of ways to change things to make them work better for him. So after spending way too much money on a heavy duty watch that inevitably broke on him, he came up with a better solution.
He used the working part of a clock and stuck it on the inside rim of his hat, so if he wanted to know what the time was, he just had to look up. Simple. And the way his hat was, you couldn't see the clock when looking at him unless you were underneath him and looking up.
And then came the funny part. Every time he was asked what time it was, he would look up at the sun, scan the horizon, pretend to do a math equation in his head, and tell them the exact time down to the minute. I've witnessed him doing this a few times but never gave it away. The look of surprise and confusion this gave people was priceless.
My dad had done other funny things like this, but this was by far the funniest.
I was playing with our toddler when for whatever reason Humpty Dumpty popped in my head. I started trying to think of a funny rhyme about Dumpty cracking open and being unable to pay for US medical care and thus now lives a pain-addled, poor life. Yeah, idk.
Anyway, I couldn’t think of the original second half of the rhyme and so I asked my wife. She told me the rhyme and I said thanks. After a short silence goes by she goes,
“What are you doing, trying to think of another lame dad yolk?”
I didn’t know my son had two dads but I know now
Edit: typos
<my 12 y.o. daughter> "What? What?"
-- I tell the joke --
<my daughter> --eyeroll-- "You need to stop laughing at jokes that aren't funny!"
A nurse comes up to the first man and says, “Congratulations! You are the proud father of a pair of twins!”
“That’s funny...” the man said, “I work for Twin Peaks!”
Another nurse comes into the room and goes to the second man and says, “Congratulations! Your wife has just given birth to triplets!”
“That’s funny...” the second man said, “ I work for the 3M company!”
Yet another nurse comes into the room and says to the third man, “Congratulations! Your wife has just given birth to quadruplets!”
“That’s so funny...” said the third man, “I work at the Four Seasons Hotel!”
The last man is groaning and whining in obvious agony, “What’s wrong?” the other men ask.
“I work at Seven Eleven.” He replied.
Happy Fathers Day!
At the Thorchestra.
Them: what’s a madder baby?
Me: Nothing sugar, what’s a matter with you? 😏
Sorry if this might be a repost, I didn’t make it up but it’s one of my favorite dad jokes of all time. It’s really funny when you get someone aggressive whose like “what the fucks a madder baby?”
E: added the emoji cuz it’s good to give a sly smirk to finish it off. Also this works MUCH better in person
Her: makes a bad attempt at a joke
Me moments after: "Hey, what's the difference between a mom joke and a dad joke?
Her: ... What?
Me: Dad jokes are funny!!
Then I proceeded to laugh while she gave me 'that look'.
My friend once told me she watched Regular Show all the time. I said, "I guess you could say you watch it regularly." We are not friends anymore. (True Story)
I'm reading a book about anti-gravity. It's impossible to put down!
I wanted to take pictures of the fog this morning… But I mist my chance. I guess I could dew it tomorrow!
Looks tasty. Gimme a pizza that.
Why do eggs hate jokes? The answers always crack them up!
What did the mayonnaise say when somebody opened the refrigerator? "Hey, close the door! I'm dressing!"
Somebody stole all my lamps…. And I couldn't be more de-lighted!
I once met a pig that did karate… We called him Pork Chop!
Coffee has a rough time in our house. It gets mugged every single morning!
My ex-wife still misses me. But her aim is starting to improve!
(Source For All Puns Except The First) https://bestlifeonline.com/bad-funny-puns/
She walked up to me, hands behind her back..
"Check it out, dad! This is really funny looking!"
"What? Lemme see..."
And the little shit holds up a mirror to my face, giggling her head off.
Payback is a bitch, little girl....
Okay, so this is my first post, so be gentle there. It s more a funny thing my dad did to mess with us than a dad joke. Our parents explained it to us , so i don t have the dialogues here. When we were little, my brother and I of course asked my parents how do we make babies, because we wanted a little bro or sis and they did not wanted us to get one. So we asked them how babies are made. They explained to us that you need 3 things ; a mother's belly , dad's seeds and a little bit of love. That was cute, they said that daddy had to put his seeds in mummy 's belly with the love. When we asked how, they told us to guess -this is why we thought babies were made by the bellybutton, they did really had fun with us- and then, finally, we asked them why they would not make us a little brother then. My father, had this brilliant idea to mess with us, which we sometimes did not notice, as we were little. He basically told us with a huge smile accros his face :" You know what ? If you find the good seeds, we'll make you one". My mother laughed but we took it seriously. We have apparently searched for hours even going in the basement, searching in mom's gardening seeds, ripping of the labels and bringing them to the parents to ask if these were the good ones . We eventually got fed up, and never asked my parents to have a sibling again.
I work at the FAA and saw this in the hallway. I thought, what other funny aviation puns could I come up with. "Never chase a tail unless it has a rudder", yeah I know that one was bad, but thats kinda the point. ha.
Can you think of any?
https://preview.redd.it/zlo54gedpyr31.jpg?width=617&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=b7e64460aa20806921c6aaa0ed5c3d3fd68fa5d8
The Doctor walks in,
Patient: Hey doc, whats the news?
Doctor: I was wondering what's your star sign?
Patient: Cancer, why?
Doctor: Funny that.
Now I know we’ve all heard the joke about how people in Russia are always rushing around, ha ha, very funny. But what a lot of people don’t know is that, for a while, Russians were the opposite. Between the 1920s to the 1950s, they just kept Stalin.
She asked me where I put it and I pointed to the table. She says what? Where? I point to the new worlds best dad mug on the table and say " D cup is right here mon"
Im not funny im sorry i tried
Blackadder (Rowan Atkinson): I have come up with a plan so cunning you could stick a tail on it and call it a weasel.
Baldrick (Tony Robinson): Morning, Mr. B.
Blackadder (Rowan Atkinson): Leave me alone, Baldrick. If I wanted to talk to a vegetable, I would have bought one at the market.
[Referring to a suicide pill they have both been given, after being captured by French revolutionaries]
Baldrick (Tony Robinson): I’m glad to say you won’t be needing that pill, Mr. B.
Blackadder (Rowan Atkinson): Am I jumping the gun, Baldrick, or are the words “I have a cunning plan” marching with ill-deserved confidence in the direction of this conversation?
Baldrick (Tony Robinson): They certainly are.
Blackadder (Rowan Atkinson): Well, forgive me if I don’t do a cartwheel of joy; your record in this department is hardly 100%. So what is it?
Baldrick (Tony Robinson): We do nothing …
Blackadder (Rowan Atkinson): Yup, it’s another world-beater.
Baldrick (Tony Robinson): No, wait. We do nothing … until our heads have actually been cut off.
Blackadder (Rowan Atkinson): And then we … spring into action?
Blackadder (Rowan Atkinson): [to Baldrick] Unless I think of something, tomorrow we go to meet our Maker: in my case God, in your case God knows.
Baldrick (Tony Robinson): Sounds like a bag of grapefruits to me, Mr B.
Blackadder (Rowan Atkinson): The phrase, Baldrick, is “a case of sour grapes” – and yes it bloody well is.
Mrs. Miggins: The Scarlet Pimpernel, Mr. Blackadder! He’s so exciting, don’t you think?
Blackadder (Rowan Atkinson): Actually, I think he’s the most over-rated human being since Judas Iscariot won the AD31 Best Disciple Competition.
http://bestcleanfunnyjokes.com/funny-quotes-from-blackadder-the-third/
My Little Sister: No! What happened?!
Dad: Dont worry, he woke up.
My Little Sister: ROLLS EYES
Me: Hahahahahaha! Nice.
My Little Sister: Omg! Is this funny?
Dad: No, THIS IS PATRICK! (We all really love SpongeBob SquarePants)
I GET UP TO GIVE MY DAD A HIGH FIVE AND HIS PHONE RINGS AS SOON AS I GET UP. IT'S MY MOM CALLING HIM FROM THE KITCHEN
Mom: Hi, I was wondering if I had the right number. Is this funny?
Dad: No! THIS IS PATRICK!
My Little Sister: Really?! You too Mom?!
Mom: No, I'm 49 sweetie.
My Little Sister: Nevermind! I'm watching, "Black Mirror," in my room by myself.
Dad: Sweetie, African American, don't just call them Black. That's not nice.
My Little Sister: ............. I hate you all.
I know this isn't necessarily a,"Dad Joke." It's more of a conversation my Dad and Little Sister had. But it was seriously one of the funniest moments I've ever seen.
I really love my family. Lol
Went shooting at an outdoor range. With my 11 year old boy. After putting 1000 rounds down range, we headed home. While driving home after like 10 mins...
Me, "my ears are messed up, the radio and the tires sound funny".
Son, (holding up three finger) says,"how many fingers am I holding up?"
Me, "What, I said my ears are messed up not my eyes!"
Son, (still holding up his fingers yells at the top of his lungs) "HOW MANY FINGERS AM I HOLDING UP?"
Im still laughing!
Two guys at the funny farm. One guy says, “We can get out of here.”
The other guy says, “We can?”
He says, “Yes.”
The other guy says, “How?”
The first guy says, “I’ve got a big flashlight. Tonight we’ll come out to the wall, I’ll throw the light up against the wall, and you climb up the beam.”
The guy says, “You really think I’m nuts, don’t you? I know what you’d do! I’d get halfway up, you’d shut it off!”
(Editor’s note: Batman fans will recognize this as the final joke in The Killing Joke).
http://red-skelton.info/articles/jokes/two-guys-at-the-funny-farm/
I took my dog called Pilky (named after Karl Pilkington) for a walk in the park. We stopped for a minute so he could have some fun in the grass, when this girl walks by.
Her: What a cutie
Me: Thanks, I just had a new haircut.
She gives me a puzzled look when suddenly she gets it.
She: that's funny.
Me: No, that's Pilky.
The dad splits up from the boys in the morning, leaving them the task of getting food for the day.
The boys chance upon a patch full of peas - they have enough for all three meals and to pelt each other with.
Reuniting at the end of the day, the dad asks how it went.
“We played with each other’s peas!” The little one chimes in.
Just a little displeased, dad asks him sternly to clarify.
“We gathered peas, he meant.” Added the middle boy.
“Okay, and what did you have for breakfast?”
“Pea soup.”
“Lunch?”
“Pea soup.”
The boys started sniggering.
“What’s so funny? And what about dinner?”
“Nothing dad. We had pea soup too.”
“Well, that doesn’t seem like much. What did you do all evening?”
Bursting out laughing, they all said:
“Pee soup.”
“I know a man with a wooden leg named Smith..”
“Really, what’s the name of his other leg?”
She tells both lines and laughs loudly saying “that’s funny Daddy”...
Love it.
He's doing a mission (I'm barley paying attention). I glance up and there's 2 cop cars trying to stop him. They get on either side of him and pinch him to a stop.
Son: Dang. The cops got me.
Me: What happened? Did they cop block you? (still chuckling to myself)
BTW, He's only 7 years old. He has no idea why I thought it was funny. My wife gave me the look of disapproval, so success was had.
Edit: I just want to let everyone know that I didn't notice my barely/barley mistake until after the hop joke below. Thanks.
We're a fairly advanced society, we need jokes with content that makes us think. All these easy laughs are making us dumber by the second, and we just keep rewarding them with upvotes that convince the lazy among us to keep churning out lazy jokes. Comedy is one of the only common traits things in every society and culture on this planet and we may not always agree with what is funny, it's very subjective, but no society or culture has no comedy. It's one of the most effective unifiers in all human existence. Of course it's just my two cents, but we really need to avoid cheapening it. There are 6500 spoken languages in the world and this is the most widely spoken, the least spoken languages of course being sign language. Someone once said "a world without laughter would be like a world without warmth, a dark hole in the ground filled with cold water." I know they mean well, but I think it's worse than that. There are three unwritten rules for how comedy should function in the world. We have to learn to follow them or we're doomed as a people, forever, however just like there are two butts in the word "assassin", there are two caveats to this dire situation with lessons learned from the best there is. One is the lesson we can take from Switzerland, I'm not entirely sure what makes them so good at integrating comedy into their lives, but their flag is a huge plus. The other is the lesson we can learn from farmers who know how to put what's important first, how to put in the effort into growing something, and they are always outstanding in their field. We get too caught up in standard modalities of thinking and none of us are totally all right, in fact most of us are at least close to half left. In closing, the absence of comedy when you really think about it, is fear. Fear of the ups and downs of life, much like a fear of elevators. And just like a fear of elevators, we all must take steps to avoid it. Thank you for your time.
Disappointed
My girlfriend and I were looking at fruit in the supermarket, and while I wasn't looking, she said: "oh look, they have pears"
Me: "pears of what?" ;)
Her: "You think you're so funny"
He. He. He.
Going over the alphabet with my 3 year old and he asks "What's after Z?"
"What's after Z? Well, it's Now."
"Now?"
"Now I know my ABCs..."
"Not funny."
My wife groaned, and my 6 year old shook his head.
I didn't even mean to make a dad joke, apparently after seven years of being a dad, it just starts to happen.
I was installing some shelves up on the walls over my computer desk. Having just finished marking the walls where I was going to insert the screws, I was now installing the brackets onto the boards.
From behind me, I heard my wife say, "How's it going?"
Me: "Well, it's shellfish."
Wife: "It's what?"
Me: "Shellfish. I'm still putting the mounting brackets on, so it's not a shelf yet. It's shelf-ish. Shellfish."
At least my daughter thought it was funny.
A giant list of puns
What do you call a fake noodle? An Impasta.
I would avoid the sushi if I was you. It’s a little fishy.
Want to hear a joke about paper? Nevermind it’s tearable.
Why did the cookie cry? Because his father was a wafer so long!
I used to work in a shoe recycling shop. It was sole destroying.
What do you call a belt with a watch on it? A waist of time.
How do you organize an outer space party? You planet.
I went to a seafood disco last week... and pulled a mussel.
Do you know where you can get chicken broth in bulk? The stock market.
I cut my finger chopping cheese, but I think that I may have greater problems.
My cat was just sick on the carpet, I don’t think it’s feline well.
Why did the octopus beat the shark in a fight? Because it was well armed.
How much does a hipster weigh? An instagram.
What did daddy spider say to baby spider? You spend too much time on the web.
Atheism is a non-prophet organisation.
There’s a new type of broom out, it’s sweeping the nation.
What cheese can never be yours? Nacho cheese.
What did the Buffalo say to his little boy when he dropped him off at school? Bison.
Have you ever heard of a music group called Cellophane? They mostly wrap.
Why does Superman gets invited to dinners? Because he is a Supperhero.
How was Rome split in two? With a pair of Ceasars.
The shovel was a ground breaking invention.
A scarecrow says, "This job isn't for everyone, but hay, it's in my jeans."
A Buddhist walks up to a hot dog stand and says, "Make me one with everything."
Did you hear about the guy who lost the left side of his body? He's alright now.
What do you call a girl with one leg that's shorter than the other? Ilene.
I did a theatrical performance on puns. It was a play on words.
What do you do with a dead chemist? You barium.
I bet the person who created the door knocker won a Nobel prize.
Towels can’t tell jokes. They have a dry sense of humor.
Two birds are sitting on a perch and one says "Do you smell fish?"
Do you know sign language? You should learn it, it’s pretty handy.
What do you call a beautiful pumpkin? GOURDgeous.
Why did one banana spy on the other? Because she was appealing.
What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef.
What do you call a cow with two legs? Lean beef.
What do you call a cow with all of its legs? High steaks.
A cross eyed teacher couldn’t control his pupils.
After the accident, the juggler didn’t have the balls to do it.
I used to be afraid of hu
... keep reading on reddit ➡The bartender gives the man a funny look then the man says: "What? I have the right to bear arms".
What do you call a fake noodle? An Impasta.
I would avoid the sushi if I was you. It’s a little fishy.
Want to hear a joke about paper? Nevermind it’s tearable.
Why did the cookie cry? Because his father was a wafer so long!
I used to work in a shoe recycling shop. It was sole destroying.
What do you call a belt with a watch on it? A waist of time.
How do you organize an outer space party? You planet.
I went to a seafood disco last week... and pulled a mussel.
Do you know where you can get chicken broth in bulk? The stock market.
I cut my finger chopping cheese, but I think that I may have greater problems.
My cat was just sick on the carpet, I don’t think it’s feline well.
Why did the octopus beat the shark in a fight? Because it was well armed.
How much does a hipster weigh? An instagram.
What did daddy spider say to baby spider? You spend too much time on the web.
Atheism is a non-prophet organisation.
There’s a new type of broom out, it’s sweeping the nation.
What cheese can never be yours? Nacho cheese.
What did the Buffalo say to his little boy when he dropped him off at school? Bison.
Have you ever heard of a music group called Cellophane? They mostly wrap.
Why does Superman gets invited to dinners? Because he is a Supperhero.
How was Rome split in two? With a pair of Ceasars.
The shovel was a ground breaking invention.
A scarecrow says, "This job isn't for everyone, but hay, it's in my jeans."
A Buddhist walks up to a hot dog stand and says, "Make me one with everything."
Did you hear about the guy who lost the left side of his body? He's alright now.
What do you call a girl with one leg that's shorter than the other? Ilene.
I did a theatrical performance on puns. It was a play on words.
What do you do with a dead chemist? You barium.
I bet the person who created the door knocker won a Nobel prize.
Towels can’t tell jokes. They have a dry sense of humor.
Two birds are sitting on a perch and one says "Do you smell fish?"
Do you know sign language? You should learn it, it’s pretty handy.
What do you call a beautiful pumpkin? GOURDgeous.
Why did one banana spy on the other? Because she was appealing.
What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef.
What do you call a cow with two legs? Lean beef.
What do you call a cow with all of its legs? High steaks.
A cross eyed teacher couldn’t control his pupils.
After the accident, the juggler didn
... keep reading on reddit ➡What does a door says to the other door on a date
You are adoorable
This joke was so funny I couldn't handle it
I replied, “funny, what was the name of his other leg”.
What did the fish say when it ran into a wall
DAM
GET IT. It’s funny because fish can’t run.
Son: What's in that fancy beer mug in the mantel?
Me: Well, that's your Uncle Frank. That's where he wanted his remains. It was his favorite beer stein. He always said it would be funny. Never got why
Son: Maybe it's so he could be Frank in Stein?
Me: That SON OF A BITCH!
Like the best pun, that no matter what everyone seems to laugh at or that you really loved. Maybe a little description of why you loved it or why it's so funny. :)
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