This happened with me today morning. My phone's headphone jack isn't working so I asked my dad what to do about it.
He said, "Let's get a headphone Jill, then!"
The other day I had a friend ask me what I thought about Bruce Willis
Told him I'm a Die Hard fan
Me: Ask me what I think about windmills.
My mom: What do you think about windmills?
Me: Big fan.
So after becoming a father, my dad and I were talking about how we couldn’t believe any man would walk away from his kids. My dad says dead beat isn’t a good enough name so he asks me what they should be called. I said:
Me: What should we do about the sleeping arrangements during our holiday? Her: I was thinking of...
A worker tells his boss about a great idea. The boss says "let me think about it" then pulls a bad 80's wig from his desk and puts it on. The worker asks "what's that for?"
The boss says "I need to mull-it over..."
My son asked me what I think about Mormons
Are you asking if they're devils or saints? Well this day I say the latter!
My friend asked me, “what’s the best part about living in Switzerland?”
I said, “I don’t know, but the flag is a big plus.”
Someone asked me, what do I know about midgets?
How did I get into computer software? I was very confused about what to do in university, so I asked my dad... He was wearing a Nike tshirt, and he answered me by pointing at his chest, where this was written: Just do IT.
My physics teacher asked me what I knew about wavelength.
I said, "If I'm saying goodbye to someone I like it's usually a longer one."
Johnny is in class learning about animals and the teacher asks, “can anyone tell me what other name for dwarf goats go by?” Johnny’s hand shot up:
My friend asked me what I thought about his miniature windmill...
I told him, “Not a huge fan.”
I wrote some good books about music. What pisses me off is that...
...nobody wants to rhythm.
"Tell me what you know about potassium."
If you were to ask me if I knew any jokes about sodium, do you know what I would say?
I’m not up to date with tennis, can someone tell me what all the racket is about?
My dad asked me what I would study at university. I said I enjoyed learning about the reproductive system.
"Have you ever thought about sex ed?" he asked.
"Who hasn't?" I replied. "And my name isn't Ed."
I had an argument with my friend about what the longest river in the world was. He wouldn't believe me that the Amazon river was the second largest river.
A friend asked me what I thought about strip clubs...
I said, “ There are a lot of hard times in there.”
You know what bugs me about quantum mechanics?
They charge $500 to "fix" a bunch of stuff that probably wasn't even really wrong with your atom in the first place.
Dad called and told me "you know how you're always picking on my about eating German sausages?" I said yes what about it?
A son says to his dad, "Hey I'm going to get a soda, you need anything?". The dad says, "Yeah, get me a beer. Actually, make it two cans.". The son goes into the kitchen and is gone for about an hour and a half. The door opens up and he asks his son, "What the hell took so long?".
The son says, "Well it wasn't easy. I had to go to like three different pet stores before I found one that sold toucans.".
Enough about me, what do you think of my tie?
https://youtu.be/wMtsM-5qubI
I hope you like my first contribution to /dadjokes :)
My wife asked me what to do about renting a property to a couple who own a cat.
I shrugged and said, I dunno, urine charge...
Me: "We need to find a place for our daughter's birthday toys." Wife: "What about our wardrobe?"
Me: "No, that can stay where it is."
My friend asked me what I thought about islands.
I said I don't like them atoll.
A customer asked me what I knew about lightbulbs
I told him that they were screwed up
I got into an argument about apostrophes, I don't know what possessed me to do that.
Me: Did you hear about that actress getting stabbed to death last night? What's her name, Reese something or other?
Wife: Witherspoon?
Me: No, with a knife.
When I was about 11, I wore my hair in a ponytail. Dad asked me, "You know what's under a ponytail, don't you?"
My English teacher asked me what I think about loyalty...
I said I prefer Green tea!
I was talking to my dad about something serious and he said, "That reminds me of what your grandpa said before he kicked the bucket..."
I looked at him confused when he said, "I wonder how far I can kick that bucket."
You know what always irritated me about FedEX?
It really isn't fair that X is the only letter that gets fed. They should feed all of the other letters of the alphabet as well.
This is what my dad sent me when I was telling him about my first trip to St. Louis.
I told my dad about r/dadjokes and he asked me if I posted what he sent me on Thursday
A physicist sees a young man about to jump off the Empire State Building. He yells "Don't do it! You have so much potential!"
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