What A Burger Puns

Crowned Beef.

The burger is very meaty, but the other is a little meteor.

A Luxembourger!

...wacdonalds

Wendys

burgundy

(Bts jin dad joke lol)

A burger joint

The man orders a Big Mac and a large fries. His wife orders a single cheeseburger. When the woman finishes her burger she glances at her husband. He has finished his burger and is moving onto the fries.

Still hungry, she looks at the fries and asks, 'Do you mind if I have a couple?'

He sighs and says, 'I suppose so,'

So she reaches over and takes a handful. The husband turns to her and asks, 'Is that a German couple?'

Confused, she responds, 'What is a German couple?'

He says, 'nein' as he slides his food out of her reach.

My family was having a burger night and I improvised some groaners:

Q - How does it sound when your cousin drives an ambulance?
A - Neeeenaaaaa-neeeeenaaaaa! (There is a cousin called Nina)
Q - How do you know when your cousin is coming to visit?
A - they ring the Issa-belle! (Yip, you guessed it there is a cousin called Issabelle)

Q - What does a dinosaur say to offer you a hot drink?
A - Would you like some tea, Rex? (Hate to over explain and ruin the joke but just in case - Rex )

Then during bathtime:

Q - When a crab goes to jail where do they lock him up?
A - A jail shell. (there was a decorative jar of shells there which I used as a muse for this piece)

Q - How does a daddy cow clean himself at night?
A - In a bub-bull bath. (Just came to me)

Q - What does an astronaut use in the bath?
A - A space cloth. (this one didn't really land but I stand by it)

Q - What do you use to wash your hair in the toilet?
A - Sham-poo (low hanging fruit but this one absolutely killed)

So at work recently theres this vegan burger called the impossible burger. when we pack them up we have to label the number of burgers and the name of them. Typically I wouldn't mess with that stuff since it might throw off the person restocking but the containers they put it all in makes it all quite apparent which ones are which burger. Anywho I began making puns on the labels starting with "kim-possible burger" and I wanted to see what you all could come up with. (I also did the small pee-pee burger but that wasn't really a pun). Anyways plz comment what you can think of that would be a pretty cool pun for the list and I will compile it all together. Thanks and regards, Thomas

It's called 'Alhavas.' We sell everything in half portions.
"Alhavas. What'll you have a half a?"
"I'll have uh... Half a half pounder."
"We'll half that up in just a moment."
"This isn't a half pound burger."
"No sir, it's half a half pound burger."

The funniest and shortest puns for kids, you always remember while teaching children puns, try to choose the short ones because they are easy for them to remember and register.

Puns for Kids

Why are teddy bears never hungry? They are always stuffed!

What do you get when you cross a snake and a pie? A pie-thon!

Where do polar bears vote? The North Poll.

What did the judge say when the skunk walked into the court room? Odor in the court!

Two silkworms had a race. They ended up in a tie.

Why are fish so smart? Because they live in schools.

The streets in the capital of Afghanistan are paved with Kabulstones.

How does a lion greet the other animals in the field? Pleased to eat you.

What do you get when a chicken lays an egg on top of a barn? An egg roll!

No matter how much you push the envelope, it will still be stationery.

Why did the turkey cross the road? To prove he wasn’t chicken!

What musical is about a train conductor? “My Fare, Lady”.

A man drowned in a bowl of muesli. A strong currant pulled him in.

What do you get from a pampered cow? Spoiled milk.

What animals are on legal documents? Seals!

Why did the lion spit out the clown? Because he tasted funny!

Why did the bumble bee leave the house? It heard the school was having a spelling bee.

Being struck by lightning is really a shocking experience!

How do celebrities stay cool? They have many fans!

Why do fish live in salt water? Because pepper makes them sneeze!

Dockyard: A physician’s garden.

What did the angry mother say to the boiling pot of spaghetti? Simmer down!

The lights were too bright at the Chinese restaurant so the manager decided to dim sum.

“What’s purple and 5000 miles long?” “Ooh! I know! The Grape Wall of China!”

Every calendar’s days are numbered.

This duck walks into a bar and orders a beer. “Four bucks,” says the bartender. “Put it on my bill.”

I used to be twins. My mother has a picture of me when I was two.

What sound do porcupines make when they kiss? Ouch!

When does a well-dressed lion look like a weed? When he’s a dandelion (dandy lion).

Two peanuts walk into a bar, and one was a-salted.

A bicycle can’t stand on its own because it is

So my 5 year old son always asks what I’m watching or playing (video games) and most of the time sits and watches for a while.

I had been binge watching The Office, so of course he would overhear most of the jokes. One day we were over our friends house who has a daughter my sons age. We sit down to eat some burgers and hot dogs, and out of nowhere my son belts out “DON’T DROP THE SOAP!”.

We all died laughing.

He shall be a good dad someday.

Me: Sure, what type? Dad: A bison burger. leaves and never comes back

Me: "What about this shopping center? Its got a Waffle House, a sushi place, a burger place and a Verizon wireless. "

Wife: "What would we get at the Verizon store? "

Me: "Not alot. They charge by the byte."

Groans were had, but I couldn't stop smiling for the rest of lunch.

It was a sunny afternoon in the city, and a 29 foot Amazonian Anaconda slithered into a hipster burger store. The snake slithered up to the counter and looked over the menu to find that everything was gluten free. The anaconda was disappointed, because he always found that the light fluffy bread on each end of his burger was his favorite part of the burger.

The clerk greeted him with a smile. "Hello! My name is Hyun! Can I take your order?" he said.

The anaconda responded with a sentence so foul I cannot type it here. It contained several swear words and many racial slurs against his server, all because the burgers would be served without buns.

Hyun reeled back in disgust. He requested an apology from the snake. Again, the anaconda belted out horrible curses and vulgarities.

Hyun, being the good Christian man that he is, said that he would call upon his good friend Sister Alice to perform an exorcism on the snake if he didn't leave. The snake finally slithered out upon hearing this.

About an hour later, the anaconda slithered back in with his owner. They approached the counter.

"Now what seems to be the problem here?" Said the anaconda's owner.

"This snake came in swearing up a storm and causing all kind of trouble all because we don't serve gluten in this restaurant" said Hyun.

"I threatened to call my friend Sister Alice to perform an exorcism if he didn't leave."

"Oh" said the anaconda's owner "Sorry about that. My Anaconda don't want nun unless you got buns, Hyun".

Was eating burgers with the wife and daughter when my wife (who picked up the food) said, "I was going to get us singles, but I went with the double. Just felt in the mood for a meatier burger."

"Did your burger kill the dinosaurs?" I deadpanned.

"What?"

"Your burger. You said it was a meteor burger."

"Meatier...meatier...METEOR Burger? Goddammit, goober."

I was working on the 4th of July. Guy comes in. Orders a burger with a side of French fries. We were out of fries so he decides to order a side soup: French onion. I ring in the order and he goes outside to wait, there were a few other customers out there smoking.

The chef calls the front desk to let me know that we were also out of French onion. It was late at night so this happens occasionally.

I go outside to let him know we were out, so that he can order something else. The other costumers smoking overhear me telling him that "We are out of French onion soup". The guy smoking says "man, you guys are out of French fries too what the heck?"

I chime in "well it is Independence Day."

They all laughed, and the guy ordered the lobster bisk. I high fived myself on the way back to the stand.

Sorry for the lengthy post.

While at lunch with my grandpa and my mom I ordered my burger and the waitress asked what kind of fries I'd like, my first thought and reply was

"French"

Grandpa was proud.

My paternal progenitor dropped this bomb on me during a recent skype chat. Background: I am currently living in Australia and told him I ate a kangaroo burger.

"Do you know what it's called when they cook meat from the front of a kangaroo? A hot pocket!"

Is he not the most Dadish Dad?

Son: Dad, what are birds saying when they chirp? Me: Well that one just asked his friend if he wanted to go for a burger. Son: Don't you mean a Birdger?

lol I was so proud.

Dad: "What did Burger King give to Dairy Queen on their wedding day?" Me: "What?" Dad: "An onion ring"

Me: "We're gonna get an appetizer of wings to split with each other"

Her: "Ok what else?"

Me: "To eat I'll have the Hot Mess burger"

Her: "So you're not gonna eat the wings?"

Walked right into that one

A few years ago, my dad and I were building an addition onto his house. He rented a tool from the hardware store and had to return it, so he asked me to come with him and we would get some breakfast. There was a Burger King nearby, so we decided to stop there to eat.

When we go to the drive-through, we realize the restaurant was closed down, so he drove around the building to get back on the highway. As we were passing the dumpsters, he stopped the car, backed it up, and pointed towards the ground near the dumpster. I looked for a few seconds, trying to see what he was pointing at.

Then... I saw it.

It was a giant, 12+ inch black dildo, standing upright next to the dumpster. It propped itself up on its fake dildo balls, gently swaying in the breeze.

I was astonished. I couldn't even imagine what events in the universe had to line-up so as to end up with that giant dildo meticulously placed next to the dumpster at a closed-down Burger King. I couldn't even begin to fathom why it was there.

My dad, with perfect timing, then shouted "GAY TIMES WILL BE HAD TONIGHT!" and sped out of the parking lot.

We ended up going to Denny's.

I pulled up to Burger King and was asked what I would like to order.

Me: "ummm could I grab..."

Drive through guy: "You'll have to come inside if you want to grab anything."

Thought this fit here.

While at lunch with my father yesterday...

Me: I think I'm gonna get the steak tartare burger.

Dad: Sounds rough

Me: What do you mean, pop?

Dad: Well, I have a pretty strong stomach, but at this age, digesting raw meat is a whole different animal.

Thanks, dad.

Dad: What are you cooking for dinner tonight?

Me: Vegetarian buffalo burgers.

Dad: Your Kidding...

Me: Nope

Dad: You found some vegetarian buffalo?

Me: Dad, all buffaloes are vegetarian.

Walked in on my roommate (vegetarian) chopping carrots for dinner. Me: What are the carrots for? RM: Veggie-burger. Me: I thought you said they were only good for soup. RM: Let's not split hairs. Me: Why would you do that? I thought you were a vegetarian.