It was disgusting on so many levels.
They need plenty of
KNEEEEEEEEEEEEEROOOOOOOOOOOOOOM
Edit: Thanks for the silver, friends! You sure know how to make a feller feel stellar
He got home he reached up for the door knob and opened the door, crawled upstairs and into his bed with his wife. His wife in the morning said “Why were you out all night?” He said “How did you find out?”
She said “The bar called. They said you left your wheelchair again”.
She still regrets letting me name the twins.
He broke his ribs.
Son: Wow that stream is really rush'en.
Me: oh good that is so much better than German.
I just had to pick a country real quick not trying to make any statement....
if you're the best man at your buddy's second wedding.
is to miss a car payment
We named the baby Carson.
It was the Asphalt."
The whole flight lost it. It was glorious :)
I yelled, "No mom! I'm so sick of your gelt trips!"
Last time I went home, dad had a friend over who shared with us the struggles he now encountered with providing daily basic care for his own aging, terminally-ill father.
"You just can't imagine right now," he assured me, "what it's like to wipe your own father's ass after helping him off the toilet."
"Yeah, well I'm sure you're right," I responded, "but I certainly can imagine it's pretty awkward. He's all bent over. You're back there trying to clean him up and pretend everything's normal, of course he's gonna be fine, when suddenly your eyes meet. With his voice filled with pride, he says, "that's a real good wipe, son."
My dad and his friend laughed their asses off.
She still regrets letting me name the kids.
