The other dads in my Zoom meeting today may have been a bit jealous. I mentioned how my adolescent daughter has been so generous and nice during quarantine while I use the family computer for work, instead of her wasting time all day, watching YouTube. I have to say,

I'm glad to have the no-vid kind teen.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/xxUsernameMichael
πŸ“…︎ Apr 27 2020
🚨︎ report
Somebody came to me yesterday and said, "You're wasting your time and money on all these inventions!"

It was at this point that the Slap-A-Twat Automatic 3000 came into its own!

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Stoatwobbler
πŸ“…︎ Jan 18 2019
🚨︎ report
Wife: Why are you wasting your time reading jokes on Reddit?

Me: I want to be well e-quipped.

πŸ‘︎ 42
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Mar 02 2018
🚨︎ report
People always say I'm wasting my time telling bee jokes...

But the truth is, bee comedians make a pheromone of money.

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ May 26 2018
🚨︎ report
Most people told me learning sign language was a waste of time

But I find it to be a pretty handy skill

πŸ‘︎ 23
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Ham-cum-rewritten
πŸ“…︎ Nov 27 2020
🚨︎ report
I can’t believe I wasted all my time trying to help rearrange the vending machines at my local grocery store...

I’ve been moving them around all day but they still say they are β€œOut of Order”

πŸ‘︎ 53
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πŸ‘€︎ u/FinalCaveat
πŸ“…︎ Oct 22 2020
🚨︎ report
well reading this wasn't such a waste of time
πŸ‘︎ 47
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πŸ‘€︎ u/sssuuurrreeee
πŸ“…︎ Aug 31 2020
🚨︎ report
Don’t wanna waste time
πŸ‘︎ 36
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Jul 16 2019
🚨︎ report
So I can legit ride a unicycle. My mom told me it was a waste of time and would never get me anywhere in life....

I said β€œno mom! Where there’s a wheel, there’s a way!”

πŸ‘︎ 454
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πŸ‘€︎ u/serion15
πŸ“…︎ Oct 30 2018
🚨︎ report
The guy I asked for directions from wasted no time helping me.

He was straight to the point.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/JayDeeVeeYes
πŸ“…︎ Nov 02 2019
🚨︎ report
the title is here to waste time
πŸ‘︎ 42
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πŸ‘€︎ u/GreenGamer7
πŸ“…︎ Jan 26 2019
🚨︎ report
What you should do if time has wasted you?

Nothing, just relax and waste the time.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ashtraxk
πŸ“…︎ May 18 2019
🚨︎ report
While reading an essay, I decided halfway through that reading the whole thing is a waste of time.

I think I might be jumping to a conclusion.

πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Apr 04 2019
🚨︎ report
My son told me he thought school was a waste of time...

I told him that, no, a waist of time is a watch on your belt.

πŸ‘︎ 16
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheDankHoo
πŸ“…︎ Apr 02 2019
🚨︎ report
Why didn't the chef waste time at the sardine store?

He had bigger fish to fry

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/krishnakeshan
πŸ“…︎ Jan 17 2019
🚨︎ report
I run out of toilet paper...
πŸ‘︎ 6k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Dirt_T
πŸ“…︎ Mar 21 2020
🚨︎ report
Cool license plate clock or a waste of time?
πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Jun 08 2018
🚨︎ report
Back in the days I started to read the classics, but my friend thought it was just waste of time.

Well after 1984 I didn’t have much energy for The Idiot anyways.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Lum1nar
πŸ“…︎ Aug 23 2018
🚨︎ report
I found the jump rope lesson to be a waste of my time

So I skipped out on it.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/meebwix
πŸ“…︎ May 31 2018
🚨︎ report
Gabe had a heavy load this semester

Math, physics, comp sci. The only easy class was "The American Century." Open book midterm and final, so he wasn't going to do any of the reading all semester.

β€œIt’s a huge waste of time, Dad,” he laughed when I objected. β€œI’m not learning a damn thing in the class.”

β€œWell, then you’re just going to have to take that class over again,” I snapped at him.

β€œWhat are you talking about?” he yelped.

β€œYou know why, Gabe,” I said. β€œThose who don’t learn from history are condemned to repeat it.”

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/cja1968
πŸ“…︎ Nov 21 2020
🚨︎ report
Trying to get milk from a male cow would be an UDDER waste of time.
πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Flynn_The_Fox
πŸ“…︎ Mar 10 2017
🚨︎ report
I hate clock jokes...

They really tick me off.

πŸ‘︎ 37
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheDarkBlade0412
πŸ“…︎ Jun 24 2020
🚨︎ report
Obituary for the Pillsbury Dough Boy, Pop N Fresh

The Pillsbury Doughboy, remembered best as "Pop N Serve", and/or "Pop N Fresh", died yesterday of a severe yeast infection and trauma complications from repeated pokes in the belly. He was 71.

Doughboy will be buried in this lightly greased coffin.

Dozens of celebrities will turn out to pay their respects, including Mrs. Butterworth, Hungry Jack, the California Raisins, Betty Crocker, the Hostess Twinkies, and Captain Crunch.

The grave site is expected to be piled high with flours.

Aunt Jemima will deliver the eulogy and lovingly describe Doughboy as "a man who never knew how much he was kneaded".

Doughboy rose quickly in show business, but his later life was filled with turnovers.. He was considered a very smart cookie, but wasted much of his dough on half-baked schemes.

Despite being a little flaky at times, he still was a crusty old man and was considered a positive roll model for millions.

Doughboy is survived by his wife, Play dough, three children: John Dough, Jane Dough and Dosey Dough, plus they had one in the oven. He is also survived by his elderly father, Pop tart.

The funeral will be held at 3:50 for about 20 minutes.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Eyes_and_teeth
πŸ“…︎ Oct 18 2020
🚨︎ report
Our little girl was born today! I wasted no time.

We got to the hospital.

Nurse: are you having pain?

Wife: yes, a lot.

Nurse: contracting?

Me: oh my god, it's contagious?!

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/itsdrivingmenuts
πŸ“…︎ Oct 24 2015
🚨︎ report
Talking is such a waste of time. You know we could communicate telepathically...

...if we put our minds to it

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TypicalTyrian
πŸ“…︎ Feb 13 2016
🚨︎ report
Someone told me to post the joke here

What happens when distance gets a boner? It gets a direction. Sorry for wasting your time.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/BilBot123
πŸ“…︎ Sep 18 2020
🚨︎ report
Which prime number can go into 4?
πŸ‘︎ 3k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/szymond70
πŸ“…︎ Nov 14 2017
🚨︎ report
Passing the time in quarantine teaching the cat to dance...

Waste of time turns out hes got two left feet.

πŸ‘︎ 22
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πŸ‘€︎ u/blacky-o-hare
πŸ“…︎ Mar 31 2020
🚨︎ report
What kind of prize do you give someone who hasn't moved a muscle in over a year?

A trophy

πŸ‘︎ 990
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πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Dec 23 2017
🚨︎ report
I had a job at a dry cleaners...

but got fired for wasting time. They said I had more PRESSING matters.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/youtellmebob
πŸ“…︎ Jan 12 2020
🚨︎ report
Have you ever tried to eat a clock?

Its very time consuming.

πŸ‘︎ 99
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πŸ‘€︎ u/BgB0t
πŸ“…︎ Jan 24 2019
🚨︎ report
When the treasure hunter had excavated down six feet, he realized he had made a grave error
πŸ‘︎ 192
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πŸ‘€︎ u/The_Possum
πŸ“…︎ Feb 12 2017
🚨︎ report
I bought a belt made of hundred dollar bills

It was a waist of money

πŸ‘︎ 1k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/hitlers-wet-dream
πŸ“…︎ Aug 01 2015
🚨︎ report
Need stupid/funny potato puns.

I know this might not be the place to post a question but I was wondering if any of you punny peeps can help me out? I got some free stamps and I want to mail a few potatoes out to my relatives. I know this is pretty stupid and a waste of time but I'm laughing at myself just thinking what their reactions and responses will be when they check their mailbox and see a potato. I want to write a potato pun somewhere on the potato. So of you're willing to help me do this; please leave me your potato puns for me to read and decide which ones I'll be using. Thank you for reading.

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Apr 16 2019
🚨︎ report
I hate when people throw away clocks.

It’s a waste of time.

πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Jolernaught
πŸ“…︎ Mar 24 2019
🚨︎ report
Local hardware store had a workshop on drills and drill bits.

Talk about boring!

πŸ‘︎ 227
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πŸ‘€︎ u/GoGators2
πŸ“…︎ Apr 09 2016
🚨︎ report
Don't mess with General Relativity...

It's a waste of time.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/warpedddd
πŸ“…︎ Jul 15 2019
🚨︎ report
I recently made a belt out of watches

It was a waste of time...

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/kriptoN-
πŸ“…︎ Apr 22 2019
🚨︎ report
Somebody was wasting my time

So I clocked him.

πŸ‘︎ 24
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Nerdican
πŸ“…︎ Aug 08 2017
🚨︎ report
A waist of of thyme is a waste of thyme and a waste of time.
πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/random_feedback
πŸ“…︎ Dec 04 2017
🚨︎ report
If I attached a watch to my belt....

It would be a waste of time.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Nov 11 2020
🚨︎ report
Why should you never attach a watch to your belt?

...because it would be a waste of time

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/jRadu
πŸ“…︎ Jun 11 2020
🚨︎ report
Have you ever tried to eat a clock?

It's very time consuming

πŸ‘︎ 31
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Touhouchen
πŸ“…︎ Feb 11 2019
🚨︎ report

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