Waste management in Japan Puns

He was missing a cone

Because he doesn't like chess nuts boasting in an open foyer.

Guess I’ll have to recycle them.

So I got trashed.

That's a first degree burn.

A Pikachu-chu.

Yes, he’s pretty green.

Can't wait to see their faces when they realize they have a puppy.

Guess I caught M-all

They had a little boy.

So Kim runs an undergarment and such clothing store, and I recently ordered myself some pyjamas. I fortunately she got the orders mixed up and sent me some type of dressing gown instead. All I could say was Kim,oh-no!

Parme-san

They are all the さめ

*さ=sa, め=me, さめ = same =shark.

“Like £10 notes” I told him

Jokyo

I guess you can call them Japa-knees

They were denied axis.

Apparently they all look the same and I should have left it in the yard.

Nekko waffers.

Yes my horse is a Mustang and it mustang somewhere!

For God's sake.

I think that's a record

Gastroenterologists have heard every colon/rectum/bile/poop-related joke ad naseum, but I managed to sling a couple of original zingers while being prepped for my colonoscopy.

#1

Me to anesthesiologist: How long have you worked at this clinic?

Anest: About a year. Been with field medical teams my entire career. This is the first time settled down in a clinic...and first time in gastro.

Me: I see. After years in the field, how do like working in an orifice?

Anest.: LOL, no idea how I haven't heard that one yet.

#2

Doctor: We're administering the sedative now. You'll wake up in the recovery bay where I'll brief you.

Me: OK, I'll see you on the outside...[getting groggy]...after you see me on the inside...

Doctor: OK, I'm stealing that one....

...the Land of the Rising Son?”

Me: Thanks for reminding me.

I'm glad to have the no-vid kind teen.

One Okinawa.

I said “no mom! Where there’s a wheel, there’s a way!”

He used the toilet-trees.

I am a construction manager, and a couple years ago my boss asked me to go meet a new subcontractor who we had never worked with before. When he arrived to the site he had a younger guy with him. He walks over and says "Hi, my name is Ron Anderson, and this is my son, Ron". I couldn't stop myself. I looked this stranger dead in the eye and said "Well, you know, two Ron's don't make a right!".

Neither he nor his son were amused. But they still did the work. Honestly, though, how many times in your life are you actually going to get the chance to say that. Carpe diem.

They can work with a skeleton crew

I know it’s only six words, but it’s a start.

He asks the assistant “Do you have ‘European Vespidae Acoustics Volume 2? I believe it was released this week.”

“Certainly,” replies the assistant. “Would you like to listen before you buy it?”

"That would be wonderful," says the expert, and puts on a pair of headphones.

He listens for a few moments and says to the assistant, “I'm terribly sorry, but I am the world's leading expert on European wasps and this is not accurate at all. I don't recognize any of those sounds. Are you sure this is the correct recording?”

The assistant checks the turntable, and replies that it is indeed European Vespidae Acoustics Volume 2. The assistant apologizes and lifts the needle onto the next track.

Again the expert listens for a few moments and then says to the assistant, "No, this just can't be right! I've been an expert in this field for 43 years and I still don't recognize any of these sounds."

The assistant apologizes again and lifts the needle to the next track.

The expert throws off the headphones as soon as it starts playing and is fuming with rage.

"This is outrageous false advertising! I am the world's leading expert on European wasps and no European wasp has ever made a sound like the ones on this record!"

The manager of the shop overhears the commotion and walks over.

"What seems to be the problem, sir?"

"This is an outrage! I am the world's leading expert on European wasps. Nobody knows more about them than I do. There is no way in hell that the sounds on that record were made by European wasps!"

The manager glances down and notices the problem instantly.

"I'm terribly sorry, sir. It appears we've been playing you the bee side."

They’re both basses.

He can see from her nameplate that her name is Patty Whack.

"Miss Whack, I'd like to get a $30,000 loan to take a holiday."

Patty looks at the frog in disbelief and asks his name. The frog says his name is Kermit Jagger, his dad is Mick Jagger, and that it's okay, he knows the bank manager.

Patty explains that he will need to secure the loan with some collateral.

The frog says, "Sure. I have this," and produces a tiny porcelain elephant, about an inch tall, bright pink and perfectly formed.

Very confused, Patty explains that she'll have to consult with the bank manager and disappears into a back office.

She finds the manager and says, "There's a frog called Kermit Jagger out there who claims to know you and wants to borrow $30,000, and he wants to use this as collateral." She holds up the tiny pink elephant. "I mean, what in the world is this?"

The bank manager looks back at her and says, "It's a knickknack, Patty Whack. Give the frog a loan. His old man's a Rolling Stone."

But they still manage to get back in.

Because they are insects, it's a feature...not a bug.

A few hours later the plane lands in japan. The dad looks at his son and says "okinawa here"

A little bit of Background information:  When I was a young lad, my father was a professional glass cleaner.   Not just for a job, cleaning Glass was this man's passion!  He always wanted me to take over for him when I grew up, but I always thought it would be a pain, it was a silly job, really.   However, I knew that my father would be shattered if I didn't put an honest effort into the cleaning business.    The first time I perfectly cleaned a mirror, I realized I could really see myself doing this!   My father was wiping away tears of pride when I began to become as passionate as he was.

Anyways, fast forward to a couple months ago.   I have taken over my father's cleaning company, and was working a job at a publishing agency.  Now, due to the pandemic, this building had set up different entry points depending on the purpose of your visit, and each one was gated and stationed by an employee so you could have your temperature taken and go through a checklist to ensure you don't have any symptoms, etc.

After finishing the contract at this building, the owner was so impressed with my work that he said he would like to recommend me for a permanent job with a friend of his.   At first, I was skeptical (I had taken over the family business, after all), but it was becoming difficult to find regular clients anymore, so I agreed.    He gave me a single sheet from a notepad, and told me to write down something about myself that sets me apart from others in my line of work, and I should make it a very impactful statement,  his friend was a very busy man and wouldn't look at more than notes like these.    I wasn't sure what to write on the spot, so he told me to think about it, and return the note when I come back to leave the bill for my work.

So I came back a few days later, went through the gate to drop off my bill and my note about how I am much better than any other glass cleaner out there.    Well, it turns out the friend of the publishing agency's owner was a hiring manager for a well-known computer company, and my note really caught his eye, and I was offered the job!   Now I make more money every two weeks than I had with a month!   At first, I though my father would be upset by me leaving the family business behind, but he told me "As long as you are happy where you are, with what you are doing, then you are succeeding in life.  You are no longer a student of glass cleaning, you are my equal, and I am proud of you"  I never realized how freeing it