Waris Puns

He uses aloof-ah.

Aware wolf.

That's pretty whiskey business.

My new years resolution is to be more careful, or should I say, more janu-wary.

Breaking into homes, glueing people's lids on their toothpaste.

Be wary, and keep your ice white open.

I emailed my dad a link to a copycat recipe of KFC's coleslaw, since he frequently tries to replicate it. He's very wary of spam and virus links, so I sent him a text to let him know the email incoming from me was legit, and I got back this gem:

Me: Hey, I just emailed you a link to a copycat recipe for KFC's coleslaw, and I just wanted to give you a heads up that it's not spam.

Dad: No, it's coleslaw.

So this group of Irish monks needs to make payments on their belfry, and they've begun to run out of money, so after racking their brains for a few nights, and trying everything they could to get some cash together, they decide to sell flowers to make money. For weeks they sell flowers, and it's going well. Too well in fact, they've begun to run the local florist, Patty O'Flannigan out of town. Well, a bit cheesed at the monks jumping in on his territory, he decides to confront them. He asks them to step off, politely, but they simply respond that, "That's no way to talk to men of God!", and throw him out of their monastery. For weeks this goes on, the monks selling flowers, and the florist getting more and more desperate to make them stop. Finally, he goes to Hugh Mactaggart, the biggest, baddest man in town -- he could get anyone to leave town -- so Patty decides he's the best way to get rid of the monks, gives him the rest of the money, and retires to bed, wary of the results. In the morning, a knock on his door reveals Mactaggart, offering a firm handshake and saying, "They shant be botherin' ya again Patty." The moral of the story is, Hugh, and only Hugh, can prevent florist friars.

A little back story: I drove to NYC a few years ago when I was 19 and ended up getting my car towed because I was illegally parked. Ever since then, I've been wary about possibly parking illegally. Today, I met up with my girlfriend at a museum and then left my car in the museum parking lot when we went to go see a movie. I was worried about my car possibly being towed so I texted my mom asking her what she thought.

http://imgur.com/SQLRUA2