Not a joke for written context, but one you can use on your family.
You just say to your family member - "Did you hear someone in the family is part owl?"
They'll reply with "who?" And you look at them with a raised eyebrow.
Tell this joke over dinner if youd like to be the life of the party. You're welcome.
My dad used to hit me with cameras
Sometimes I use big words I don't understand
Just to make me sound more photosynthesis
What toothpaste do they use in jail?
What flavour toothpaste do they use in jails ?
Whoever thought it was a good idea to make a lower case L and and upper case i look the same must have been Ill.
My wife said she wants me to consider purchasing a decent telescope for the family to use.
I told her I’d look into it.
Why do astronauts use linux?
because you can't open windows in space.
My mam used to say you don't appreciate something enough till it's gone
What kind of chairs do they use in Ireland?
Went to GameStop to use the bathroom, but it was out of order...
I guess I have to keep holding it.
I don't understand why some people use fractions instead of decimals.
My friend once used laughing gas as deodorant.
He smelled funny the whole day.
True story: I was a kid, watching TV in our living room. My dad was outside using the grill. All of a sudden he bursts in the door hopping on one foot yelling “I stepped on a Bee!”
I was so concerned I jumped up and ran over to him...
Earlier that day my friend and I who were really into mountain biking had been using really sticky letters to put our names on our bikes. We were working near the general area of the BBQ.
Apparently I had dropped one...
Stuck to the bottom of my dads foot was the letter B....
A legendary dad joke from a legendary dad.
What unit of measure do pirates use?
A technique that has been used for decades
I just got fired, and as severance, my company gave me a bag of used coffee.
They said it was grounds for termination.
It used to be free to fill up your car tires with air, now it costs $1.25 You know why?
I made some ideas into images to put on to phone cases. This is my favourite - Get Off Your High Horse
What do felines use to represent them in court?
Gimme some sweet karma for an account I'll never use again
In the old days, excessive use of commas was considered to be a serious crime.
It usually resulted in a long sentence.
When company uses a pun on their product, I’m sold.
I was standing in front of the bedroom mirror looking myself over, rather unhappy with what I saw. I told my wife "I feel horrible. I look fat. I'm ugly. When did my hair start retreating like this? When did this stretch mark show up? I could use a compliment honey, my self esteem is in the dumps."
She looked at me and replied "your eyesight is damn near perfect."
When I was a kid it was free to use the air hose at the gas station. Now it’s $1
I told my suit cases just how There will be no holiday this year
I'm now dealing with emotional baggage
Why does Snoop Dogg carry an umbrella
It is weird to see signs that say "In case of fire, don't use elevator". Everyone knows water is better to put on fires than an elevator.
Know why they use knots instead of miles in the ocean?
Because they've got to keep the ocean tide.
In case I don’t have time to say this tomorrow
I ran out of toilet paper, so I used newspaper instead...
My wife asked me which paddle I wanted to use in the boat...
Have you heard about these new corduroy pillow cases?
They're really making headlines.
I accidentally used the dog shampoo today....
I'm feeling like such a good boy.
I used to be addicted to soap...
When I was much younger, I asked my dad, "Can I use the lawnmower to make some extra money?"
"Sure, go ahead."
So, I sold it.💰
What reptile uses the phone a lot?
When I was young I used to be afraid of the dark
Now when I get my electric bill I'm afraid of the light.
Don't use raw milk to make butter
Why did the alligator use the elevator?
What pronouns do chocolate bars use?
Why don’t trees use the train?
They can never find a root.
Teacher: use "officiate" in a sentence
Studend: A man got sick because of a fish he ate.
Why can't you hear a psychiatrist use the bathroom?
The P is silent!
.
Edit: thanks for the hugz award!
Cruel joke my dad used to play
When I was a kid, my dad used to ask me if I wanted to go to Cotton Springs. When I said yes, he would tell me to go to bed :(
I once used Laughing Gas as a deodorant.
Smelt funny the whole day.
Why do astronauts use linux?
Because they can't open windows
I don't understand why some people use fractions instead of decimals.
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