Did you hear about the guy who beat up a lollipop?

He gave it a good licking.

πŸ‘︎ 17
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πŸ‘€︎ u/FinalCaveat
πŸ“…︎ Oct 12 2020
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What do you call a boxer that got beat up?

A sore loser

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/turborambo
πŸ“…︎ Oct 13 2020
🚨︎ report
I want to beat him up too
πŸ‘︎ 34
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πŸ‘€︎ u/panaskaew
πŸ“…︎ May 25 2020
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During the riots the other day, a person was beat up by six dwarfs.

Not Happy.

πŸ‘︎ 22
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πŸ‘€︎ u/professorf
πŸ“…︎ Jun 04 2020
🚨︎ report
Last night I got beat up by the numbers 1, 3, 5, 7, and 9.

I guess the odds were against me.

πŸ‘︎ 25
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Nathan_Atwater
πŸ“…︎ Apr 15 2020
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Some guy attacked me, but I beat him up and then used him as a human mop.

I totally wiped the floor with that dude.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/JoeFas
πŸ“…︎ Mar 16 2020
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I've never been able to beat my school's high jump record and it keeps me up at night to this day...

I just can't get over it

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/greatreference
πŸ“…︎ Dec 21 2019
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What do you call a beat-up Batman?

A bruised Wayne!

πŸ‘︎ 28
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πŸ“…︎ Dec 06 2019
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Did you see the video where I beat up J?

He was all in 4K.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/seudonim
πŸ“…︎ Nov 02 2019
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After being robbed a farmer beats up a thief with a sugar cane.

He is reported to have said "revenge is sweet"

πŸ‘︎ 15
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Pun-isher42
πŸ“…︎ Oct 13 2019
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The worst part about driving a beat up old car is worrying that it could break at any time.

Or worse, that it might not.

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/aaanold
πŸ“…︎ Oct 15 2019
🚨︎ report
This morning I got beat up by Sylvester Stallone

It was a Rocky start of the day.

πŸ‘︎ 25
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ladamaster92
πŸ“…︎ May 01 2019
🚨︎ report
I crack myself up sometimes. I went grocery shopping earlier today and when I got home the wife asked β€œwhere are the mushrooms?” ... without missing a beat, I said

β€œI couldn’t get them, there wasn’t β€˜mush room’ in the trolley. β€œ

She threw things at me

πŸ‘︎ 33
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πŸ‘€︎ u/DannyGere
πŸ“…︎ May 05 2019
🚨︎ report
What do you call it when you get beat up by Steve Jobs?

A Mac attack

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/weebs_are_weird
πŸ“…︎ Sep 29 2019
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I have to rise up if I want to beat them.
πŸ‘︎ 20
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πŸ‘€︎ u/AssasinButt
πŸ“…︎ Jul 27 2018
🚨︎ report
I beat a guy up with a rolling pin

I sure did straighten him out.

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Wolfcubware
πŸ“…︎ May 30 2019
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I beat somebody up with a pair of brass knuckles made of pennies

I sure knocked some cents into them.

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/LuckyC4t
πŸ“…︎ Nov 06 2018
🚨︎ report
I gave my friend a jar of cashews but the cashews abused him, beat him up and ran away.

He should have known, it was a nut case.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/apugoneappu
πŸ“…︎ Apr 21 2019
🚨︎ report
I flew home to Canada from Europe yesterday. I woke up this morning and said to my dad "my arms hurt. I'm not sure why. I feel like I worked out or something". Without skipping a beat, my dad:

"Huh. Must be from all that flying you did"

πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Stepharachide
πŸ“…︎ Dec 16 2018
🚨︎ report
Yesterday my neighbor asked to borrow my copy of the movie β€œIt”. I proceeded to beat him up. My wife asked me why the hell I would beat him up.

I told her he was asking for It.

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Cubic-Zirconia
πŸ“…︎ Jan 11 2019
🚨︎ report
Did you hear about the robot that beat up a man?

It was charged with battery.

πŸ‘︎ 19
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πŸ‘€︎ u/HanlonRazor
πŸ“…︎ Jun 09 2017
🚨︎ report
Texting my dad this morning, he asks "So did you get beat up?"

I say "naw, like the opposite." "Oh, so a beat down"

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ“…︎ Jun 26 2018
🚨︎ report
Told my lil brother, that my dad could beat up his dad

It took him a moment to process what I had said, and then he looked at me shocked and asked. "Are you saying that I'm adopted?" It was priceless.

(No, he isn't adopted)

πŸ‘︎ 91
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Hitno
πŸ“…︎ Jun 07 2017
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What's the martial artist who always looks beat up called?

Bruise Lee

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Unit88
πŸ“…︎ Nov 18 2017
🚨︎ report
If you're constantly nagging a stranger asking him to beat up your donkey...

You're only looking to get your ass kicked.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/extra-dopamine
πŸ“…︎ Jan 25 2018
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How do you beat up a sick person?

With a whooping cough.

πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ“…︎ Jul 16 2014
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I was catching up with my parents, he didn't skip a beat

Stepmom: So are you thinking about studying abroad? Dad interjects from the next room: He already is! And her name's (girlfriend's name here).

πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thereddevil97
πŸ“…︎ Dec 19 2013
🚨︎ report
What do you call a peanut that just got beat up?

A salted nut

πŸ‘︎ 15
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πŸ‘€︎ u/DNastythenasty
πŸ“…︎ Jul 25 2013
🚨︎ report
If you kids don't do as I say I'm going to beat you up tomorrow morning.

Yup... I'll be up by 8 and you kids will sleep until at least 10.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/J_Wadd
πŸ“…︎ Apr 07 2014
🚨︎ report
What do you call a beat up Batman?

A Bruised Wayne.

πŸ‘︎ 23
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πŸ‘€︎ u/aBeardedLegend
πŸ“…︎ Nov 10 2019
🚨︎ report

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