Did you hear about the guy who beat up a lollipop?
He gave it a good licking.
What do you call a boxer that got beat up?
I want to beat him up too
During the riots the other day, a person was beat up by six dwarfs.
Last night I got beat up by the numbers 1, 3, 5, 7, and 9.
I guess the odds were against me.
Some guy attacked me, but I beat him up and then used him as a human mop.
I totally wiped the floor with that dude.
I've never been able to beat my school's high jump record and it keeps me up at night to this day...
What do you call a beat-up Batman?
Did you see the video where I beat up J?
After being robbed a farmer beats up a thief with a sugar cane.
He is reported to have said "revenge is sweet"
The worst part about driving a beat up old car is worrying that it could break at any time.
Or worse, that it might not.
This morning I got beat up by Sylvester Stallone
It was a Rocky start of the day.
I crack myself up sometimes. I went grocery shopping earlier today and when I got home the wife asked “where are the mushrooms?” ... without missing a beat, I said
“I couldn’t get them, there wasn’t ‘mush room’ in the trolley. “
She threw things at me
What do you call it when you get beat up by Steve Jobs?
I have to rise up if I want to beat them.
I beat a guy up with a rolling pin
I sure did straighten him out.
I beat somebody up with a pair of brass knuckles made of pennies
I sure knocked some cents into them.
I gave my friend a jar of cashews but the cashews abused him, beat him up and ran away.
He should have known, it was a nut case.
I flew home to Canada from Europe yesterday. I woke up this morning and said to my dad "my arms hurt. I'm not sure why. I feel like I worked out or something". Without skipping a beat, my dad:
"Huh. Must be from all that flying you did"
Yesterday my neighbor asked to borrow my copy of the movie “It”. I proceeded to beat him up. My wife asked me why the hell I would beat him up.
I told her he was asking for It.
Did you hear about the robot that beat up a man?
It was charged with battery.
Texting my dad this morning, he asks "So did you get beat up?"
I say "naw, like the opposite."
"Oh, so a beat down"
Told my lil brother, that my dad could beat up his dad
It took him a moment to process what I had said, and then he looked at me shocked and asked. "Are you saying that I'm adopted?" It was priceless.
(No, he isn't adopted)
What's the martial artist who always looks beat up called?
If you're constantly nagging a stranger asking him to beat up your donkey...
You're only looking to get your ass kicked.
How do you beat up a sick person?
I was catching up with my parents, he didn't skip a beat
Stepmom: So are you thinking about studying abroad?
Dad interjects from the next room: He already is! And her name's (girlfriend's name here).
What do you call a peanut that just got beat up?
If you kids don't do as I say I'm going to beat you up tomorrow morning.
Yup... I'll be up by 8 and you kids will sleep until at least 10.
What do you call a beat up Batman?
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