Up Front Puns

One of the old men goes, man I wish I could do that.

The other says, you can’t do that. That dog’ll bite you.

The other 99 read balloons.

I don’t know what to make of it.

I don’t know what to make of it.

I think I’m being stalked.

“COVID19 DAY20

Ordered a chicken and an egg from Amazon.

I’ll let you know”

"No, but your hat's on crooked."

Just let that sink in...

And nothing to chauffeur it.

I caught it, handed it back to her and she popped it in and said thank you. I didn't know what else to say...

So, we rode in silence for the rest of the trip until we got to the bar. When we arrived at the bar, she turned and asked if she could have my number. I was flattered because she was so pretty, but I told her I was happily engaged.

She smiled at me and said, "That's a shame, you really caught my eye."

Now it’s just some bunny I used to know.

I was between The Rock and a hard Plaice

Nobody expects the Spanish Inn Physician

He picks up the ketchup bottle, glances at it and gives a hearty chuckle before slathering his brat in ketchup.

Puzzled, the woman watches as the next customer, a young girl, walks up to order her hot dog.

As she takes the container of relish, she bursts into a fit of giggles and walks off with her food, still laughing merrily.

A middle-aged man steps up next. Shoveling sauerkraut onto his hot dog, he laughs uproariously and walks away grinning.

When she reaches the front of the line, the woman asks the hot dog vendor,

“Excuse me, sir, but why does everyone laugh when they get their hot dogs?”

“It’s simple, ma’am.” he says, handing her a piping-hot sausage. “I’m surprised you haven’t discovered for yourself.”

Glancing at the mustard, the woman lets loose a peal of laughter.

“Ya see, ma’am? The real_joke’s always in the condiments!"

Son: "woah, what the hell, that's a walking, knocking, talking sink, like what is that, can they even do that?"

Father: "of course they can, son. For centuries. Millennia even. They lay dormant for years at a time and then reanimate every once in a while to go somewhere new. "

Son: " I literally had no idea, that's insane, Dad."

Father: "pretty crazy, right? Now let that sink in."

We were the back seat boys

Great man, terrible goalkeeper...

A windshield viper.

I think I’m being stalked.

It really pissed me off. So the next day I got there early and taught his kid how to ride a bike.

And you can never get that back

and then he entered the house!!

(it's ok if you don't laugh- it's a bit of an inside joke.)

A Barbie-Queue.

I don’t know what to make of it.

I don’t know what to make of it.