Hello - I am doing a uni assignment and it requires a "punchy title". I suck at jokes/ puns so pls help.
Topics - Burns in children. OR Unintentional poisoning (in children).
Studying to be a medic hence the topics :) Thanks in advance.
Times New Romanoff.
Me: I've got a fatigue lab tomorrow morning.
Dad: Wow, that sounds tiring.
He laughed so hard he nearly fell off the pavement.
I said like a subaru but nicer
Two tired.
He's an absolute unit
I ended up with a very good 2:2
This isn't a dad joke. This is a thank you to everyone on this subreddit. 6 weeks ago the love of my life broke things off with me due to factors attributed to my mental health (which i didn't tell her about because she is struggling with uni and i didn't want her to worry) and I've been having an extremely difficult time coming to terms with it. She's falling for another guy while I've been self destructing to the point where she never wants to talk to me again. But i found this subreddit today, the jokes are so stupid and funny that for the first time since before the breakup, I've laughed and it was genuine. Thank you so much for your stupid jokes. You've saved my life as far as I'm concerned. I still have a long way to to, but this subreddit is definitely going to get me through it. Thank you π
It's because they are ice-o-lated.
Me: dad what subjects do I choose for uni.
dad: Maths
me: why?
dad: its the only one that counts.
Dad: what subject did you get the distinction in?
Daughter: in Not-For-Profit Marketing
Dad: If it was not for Profit Marketing, what was it for?
Edit: fixed the formatting.
To clarify, he (we shall call him Greg) is not really a dad but with all the jokes he makes, he'd be a brilliant one. Here are a few that I can remember him making:
- Our uni's team was set to play Surrey's team, but there were no where to be seen. One of the referees came up to me and George and said, "Surrey haven't shown up yet and the game's meant to start soon. Any idea where they are?" Greg replied with, "No, Surrey, haven't seen them." The ref and me both shook our heads laughing.
- At the team meal Sunday night, a mushroom was thrown at another teammate. He said, "Look at you, tryna be a fungi!" Greg followed on with, "I didn't think there was mushroom for that joke."
- During the walk home, Greg walked on ahead while 3 of us dawdled. When we caught up with him, he pointed at a wheelie bin and asked, "Where have you guys bin?" then pointed at the wheels and asked, "No, wheelie, where have you bin?" He had countless others but these 3 are the ones that stuck out.
I was casually telling my dad how my friend had passed his course at Uni and was going on to complete his masters in Helsinki.
My dad gives me an elbow nudge and follows with "So I guess you could say, he's going to Finnish his course."
I'm going to be honest, I can't believe how hard I walked into that one.
Dad: So how's university? Still enjoying it?
Me: Oh yeah, last term was good but my new modules are grea-
Dad: Lunar modules?
Me: ...
It's not the sharpest of dad jokes, but my god if his persistence is certainly dad joke worthy. It's been going three years now.
A uni-corn.
A Uni Cycle
A Uni-Corn.
Uni-corn!
On a uni-cycle.
Never mind, it's too uniCORNY
My dad called me out of my room, asked me what I was doing and I told him I was revising (insert quote marks around that for yourself if you'd like). He asks me to look in the car and there's a whole crate full of packets of salt that are all leaking. That sounds weird, and to be honest it is, but my dad works at a supermarket and gets to take home faulty merchandise so I though nothing of it. He asks me to move it all into the garage, so I do so.
Then he tells me: "Actually, put it in the shed". Now I'm confused since we don't have a shed, and so I asked him what he meant. He tells me, "The one in the old house". We own two houses - our first one, and our new one, so I thought alright that's enough; the house is a half-hour walk and I honestly cannot be bothered for him asking me to walk that half an hour whilst I could be revising so I get a bit mad and just tell him straight.
He gives me a little smile and just says "Don't get salty and start shedding tears, I'll do it then". He gives me a little smile and just walks off. I'm honestly so glad I'm moving away for uni next year.
They call it the "Marble Cinna-matic Uni-verse"
UNI-d to get to work
Daughter: UNI Me: no, just you, Iβm to old for college...
This just happened. She wants to kill me now! Dad wins!
Me and my band are all studying Geography at uni, and we want a name that is a geography pun... but not just about countries. It could be a play on the word "Geography", or something related to the subject. Help please!!
Having dinner at the local pub when my mum asks what my girlfriend is currently doing at uni. I told her she's been collecting sticks for an art installation assignment: Me: "She's gonna look like a weirdo catching the train into the CBD." Mum: "Yeah, people are gonna be going up to her and telling her she's a faggot."
"Faggot" means a bundle of sticks, for those who aren't aware.
We're driving up to university and the traffic is really bad because a town near the one my uni is in is hosting a massive airshow on the airbase they have there, so everyone is driving up small county roads to both university and the airshow.
After four hours sitting in tailbacks to travel 20-25 miles, my granda sighs and says, innocently, "What do they want to go and see air for anyway?"
Was having dinner with my parents the night before I cam back to uni, my dad had been trying to wind me up all evening so decided to pour salt all over my wrist. I responded by throwing the salt at him at which point he cried to my mother 'I've been assaulted!!'. Couldn't help but crack a smile.
He said "I can't be bothered with all this uni-corn".
Ever since I got out of uni, I feel more confident. I have a degree of confidence, if you will
A group of us were having lunch and she had uni. She looked at her watch and said:
'I'm running late'
'But you're sitting still'
A second of silence and then everyone groaned.
We were talking about our uni's consent policy and my friend says he gives consent with his face. I looked at him and he said
"You know, I've got the Elijah Wood eyes"
and I said, "So the girls always expect a ring?"
Then he groaned while I cracked up.
She was doing some uni work and messaged me saying she thinks one of our friends got something wrong
Her: I think he's got the wrong critical value
Me: Sounds like a... critical mistake
Her: -.- Why?
I was pretty proud...
Ok so my Dad was helping me move into my new uni accommodation last month and in the process we had to carry a lot of heavy boxes up my rather steep stairs.
Understandably, being a man in his 50's, he was a little bit worn out after lugging several metre-by-metre crates up to my room, generally full of heavy electrical equipment and books. After letting out a deep sigh he exhaled - 'Crikey, this is like the Great Stairs Crisis of 1965!'.
To my knowledge, or indeed to anyone else's knowledge (including my dad's), so such crisis ever occurred. I just hope he didn't hear my housemate sniggering in his room downstairs*; he does love a good dad joke.
*Ironically I've noticed that laughing at Dad jokes tends to make said Dad more depressed than when you don't, since they're usually fully aware of how bad their joke is and laughing at it only serves to remind them of the fact that people are actually paying attention to the regrettable nonsense which often leaves their mouths.
