Just happened. I work at a store whose uniform is blue and black. I went next door to our friendly dollar store whose uniforms are green and black. I went there on my lunch break to buy a couple of things. As I was leaving, a lady walks up and grabs my forearm and demands, "Do you have a bathroom here?". Me:. "I don't know, I don't work here." Lady:. "Yeah but do you have a bathroom here?!" Me:. "Ma'am, please take you hand off of me. I do not work here." Lady: "I know that! Do they have a bathroom here?" Me: "I don't know. You should ask someone who works here." Pulled my arm out if her hand and left.
Susan flinched at the sensation of a pinch against her ankle. A mosquito, she presumed, who had managed to get in through the window screen. She reached down to rub the injured skin, only to to feel another pinch, this time on her hand. And then another, and then one more. "What the fu-" she trailed off as she looked down to the floor, expecting to see an angry winged vigilante and instead being greeted with the site of a mouse.
On its hind legs.
Wielding a toothpick like a spear and holding a green grape secure under its free arm.
"...Fuck?" She continued after a minute.
"SURRENDER YOUR BOUNTY, FURLESS FOOL!" The mouse screamed as it waved its spear. "Surrender, or face. Your. Death."
As Susan listened to the unintelligible squeaking of the enraged rodent, she began to thing back. She'd had no alcohol today, and not a single drop, pill, puff, or huff of anything that might cause hallucinations as a side effect. Not even the bleach she'd used earlier in the bathroom- Wait. She'd cracked the window for that, hadn't she? Yes. She had. She was sure of it. "No shit," she said to herself as she grasped the creature by the tuft of its neck and raised it up.
The mouse narrowed its large, beady eyes, twitching its whiskers as it wriggled in her grip. "Unhand me, you petulant puddle of philandering puss!" With its trusty spear, it made a few successful jabs at the underside of the woman's wrist, but they were dismissed with little more than a sharp intake of air and a firm "stop that!" The mouse continued its assault despite the human's orders, jabbing blindly into the air while hoping to make contact with skin. "Unhand me and surrender the bounties of the fruity mountain!" The mouse ceased its attack to point the spear toward the towering bowl of fruit on the dining room table.
With her free hand, Susan rubbed her chin. "Squeak squeakety squeak squeakums," she replied halfheartedly to the high-pitched sounds, raising her shoulders. "Squeaker squeak?"
"You daaaaaare mock me?! You daaaaare?!" The mouse squealed and bared its teeth, stretching out its limbs in a show of defiance.
"Tell you what, little guy, that's pretty cute."
The mouse hurled obscenities through the air in a fit of rodential rage, shrieking loudly. "I
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