Uncivilized Area Puns

Last year was my first time participating in Color War, and I have to say, it was probably the MOST FUN I'VE EVER HAD AT A FESTIVAL! (Other than dancing to awesome music, of course.) Check out www.campbiscocolorwar.com and join us Friday 12-5pm (stay for as much/little as you like) in the area around the Lazy River for games and shenanigans! And if you want to be with the cool kids (aka the winners), join Green Team! Check out our website at www.colorwargreenteam.com

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/North_Sentinel_Island so stuff like this according to the helicopter crap just 8 years back or whatever they are really primitive right??? So why has noone tried to figure them out i understand the whole "respect them look at what britian did to Canada/USA". But there's the whole thing of greed and obviously tehre has to be a crazy enough documentary guy to go there in some old steel plated armor and a rifle and just make them slaves or whatever...

Maybe i'm just to interested in these civilizations os i want to learn more abotu them but like it's surprising to me that they are "undiscovered" still...

Game 25. Turn 9. Mad Dreams

The raids of the colossi have been battled, the production of the elemental giants ceased, and with it, the threat they present.

Some fared worse than others. The Hua people, even benevolent and earnest, lacked the weapons and aggressiveness to crush the wild Yomling tribes. The Yrk stagnate, worshipping their echo of Haian, but no longer learning from his hand. The orcs, far reaching and well travelled, lacked the infrastructure and communication to properly safeguard their kind.

While the peoples survive, the damage wreaked in these raids has set them back, costing valuable mages and lives.

The Arthos on the other hand progressed explosively. New insectoid races and powerful light magic were joined by unity with other peoples, crushing much of the mushland Yomlings. On the foot, the City’s advanced technology worked to defend its people and even enslave the giants.

Erldur fashioned chimeric angel guardians, and Nargra, as to be expected, slaughtered the colossi personally, decapitating the threats to her people before they really got started. Ghiasabe elected to do the opposite, and granted her divine blessing to a Mogli women on the Head, created the Demigoddess Fyyrus to bring the confused Yomling tribes into the Frigidian folds.

Passion entertained some strange visitors, with one old acquaintance Solace disgusted at his madness, while Erldur visited the Spiral to sate a madness of his own.

A hunting party of the gods Nargra, Ghiasabe, Ba Dum Tash and Erldur also united in facing the most worrisome of the titan threats- Venita. Despite having much of Yom’s mind consumed, the Cloud Titaness lacked the power to compete with four divines and was soon destroyed. Another battle went poorly though, as Bah Dum Tash and Erldur faced Veles the Brine Titan, only for the watery giant to quench and drown Erldur into godsleep, leaving the orc storm lord to drive off the titan and save Erldur from being eaten again.

Yet even as he prepares to return from the sleep of death, another was also returned. Passion, following a strange map, discovered the bitter swamp giant, reborn, in a great wound on the Hip.

Yet forgotten by all, the Stone Titan, nameless and brutish, has sated his hunger. The Heart of Yom has been eaten, and the great giant collapses, happily asleep.

Links

Map

Wiki

[Basic Overview

My favorite of the Victoria 2 alt history mods is Divergences of Darkness (HPM) because it's so fun and balanced with all the alt-history memes they cover, but obviously there's stuff that hasn't been tried yet. Here are some other alternate timelines I thought can be interesting to see:

1. All of Europe is uncivilized, where as West African countries are all civilized and already have a few colonies in South America along the Brazilian coast. At some point during the game, there's a "Scramble for Europe" because of the increased demand for steel and all the iron and coal-rich areas in the European heartland. Time to create the Belgian Free State and the Central European Republic!

2. The Japanese win the Imjin War and become a legitimate contender for the Mandate of Heaven, and try to make themselves more Chinese. By the 1800s it has a solid hold and cores on the Northeast Asian mainland (from the Great Wall to Kamchatka, with a few ports in Southeast Asia as well and may inevitably try to unify the remainder of China while trying to fight off any Western influence in the region. Speaking of which, China and other unifiable nations would do much better with the new “dynamic” flags.

3. Prussia and Austria are united together in Europe as Germany from the beginning while France, Russia, and the UK are still divided among smaller states. In this timeline Europeans are still the most technologically advanced on the planet, but have much more continental turmoil to deal with.

4. Morocco becomes a civilized nation alongside the European ones. It's also an African superpower as the Saadi Sultanate doesn't collapse, and splits up American colonies with England, based on OTL's Al Mansur and Queen Elizabeth's plans for an Anglo-Morrocan alliance. Meanwhile, Spain and Portugal have less influence in the Americas and Europe due to losing wars with these two countries.

5. The Hapsburg dynasty is much stronger and not only still controls Austria by the Victorian era, but also much of Southern Italy, Spain, and the Netherlands as well.

6. A more accessible pathway for Oman to unite the Arabs rather than the Saudis. Obviously the sultan still gets to live in Zanzibar.

7. European diseases are not as fatal as in OTL, and there's still a more sizable native population in the Americas. Playable Cherokees and Tainos maybe?

8. India never forms nor is formable, but is a collection of smaller, religously diverse civilized states based on language, while their neighbors

I don't want to step on anybody's toes here, but the amount of non-dad jokes here in this subreddit really annoys me. First of all, dad jokes CAN be NSFW, it clearly says so in the sub rules. Secondly, it doesn't automatically make it a dad joke if it's from a conversation between you and your child. Most importantly, the jokes that your CHILDREN tell YOU are not dad jokes. The point of a dad joke is that it's so cheesy only a dad who's trying to be funny would make such a joke. That's it. They are stupid plays on words, lame puns and so on. There has to be a clever pun or wordplay for it to be considered a dad joke.

Again, to all the fellow dads, I apologise if I'm sounding too harsh. But I just needed to get it off my chest.

Human Question Pt 7

Official Report: Queens Historian

Position: Queens Scribe

Standard Date: 22.51.612

Subject: Humans

This is an official account from the period just past the point of the Pope's death and once the four known humans that were being used in the Empire. The Humans in question are as follow:

**Human Jun Asnee

Female

Was teaching at the Arts Academy

Was initially under investigation for declaring art can come in any form and that anyone could make it.

**Human Chris Carter

Both (will need further inquiry)

Was Teaching at the Management Academy

Was initially under investigation for preaching that managers were to train those to replace themselves and needed to ensure work needs are part of what is needed for workers to produce effectively.

**Human Tai Dlamini

Male

Was teaching at the Logistics Academy

Was developing a program that evaluated procedures to question missing goods.

**Human Matthew McTavish

Male

Was teaching at the Science of Academy

Introduced a methodology of questioning facts of the universe.

ST 0000

The Queen had made the choice that the humans would speak to her on a new day. In the Queen's wisdom she has been patient. Keeping the grace only she has, she has waited and silenced anyone who interferes. She has eliminated a few inquisitors who challenged her. The humans held themselves as best as their broken bodies would allow but were intelligent enough not to do anything foolish.

ST 0001

Queen: I will allow each of you to tell me your story about the events after you answer the question that I ask. If you avoid answering the question I will punish another. If I think you are lying to me I will punish others. If I feel threatened I will punish others. You will watch them die in pain and suffering. I will declare war on humans if I find you deceitful. If I find you guilty I will declare you as terrorist and declare war on the humans.

Human Tai Dlamini You will answer my questions first as you seem to not be able to last the night.

Queen: Did you kill the Pope?

Tai: No

Queen: Did you help in killing the Pope?

Tai: No

Queen: Are you trying to overthrow the government?

Tai: Not over through but improve

Queen: You, a human that has barely gotten into the greater spiral, think you can improve my government?

Tai: All processes including governments can always be improved. Just like every person can

The doctor says it terminal.

If you’re just here for Christmas shenanigans, welcome. I’ve tried to make this accessible even if you’ve never read my stuff. (I don’t blame ya, it’s crap.)

If you’ve read my story, be aware that this is completely non-canon to non-canon. The story’s actual timeline is several months off from Christmas, so it’s not going to reach December for a good long while. Things can change pretty quick when your home planet’s cranky and hasn’t had its coffee.

❄ ❆ Wiki for cast list and the rest of my mess ❄ ❆

❄ ❆ ❄ ❆ ❄ ❆ ❄ ❆ ❄ ❆ ❄

>The season's upon us, it's that time of year

>Brandy and eggnog, there's plenty of cheer

>There's lights on the trees

>And there's wreaths to be hung

>There's mischief and mayhem

>And songs to be sung

>— The Season’s Upon Us, Dropkick Murphys*

“Hat!” Matt exclaimed in delight. The short, olive complexioned boy was digging in a shipping container perhaps half a meter cubed, and at his exclamation pulled out a velvet-and-fake-fur Santa hat. He immediately put it on over his dark hair to the amusement of those around him, Human or otherwise.

He kept pulling things out one at a time, explaining each item he produced. “Extra big canister of cocoa, awesome! Ok, this is cinnamon - ok, and so is this... and this. Ok, Mom. Well, good, gonna need it. It’s a really popular spice on Earth, particularly for sweet food and baking, but it’s really versatile. Oooh, this is ginger, it’s used for sweet or savoury...”

Any sort of package was rare indeed, for the Humans. The excitement vibrating off Matt when he got the notification about a delivery was impossible for him to hide, and had been contagious. So the Humans - and many of the students they’d come to consider friends - ended up in one of the lounges in the south dorm, below the boys’ rooms.

To the Shil’vati, it was a window into the world and psyche of the humans. It also seemed natural to them to spoil boys a little, and they thought little of the fact that only the boys had received anything at all.

A weight settled on the seat beside Hope and she looked over at Priti, who leaned against her side with a sympathetic smirk. The petite Indian girl was rarely fooled by the younger brown-haired girl’s attempts at stoicism.

“How are you doing?” Priti asked quietly.

“I’m fine,” Hope insisted, a little too firmly. “It’s not like they could shovel some...

Alot of great jokes get posted here! However just because you have a joke, doesn't mean it's a dad joke.

THIS IS NOT ABOUT NSFW, THIS IS ABOUT LONG JOKES, BLONDE JOKES, SEXUAL JOKES, KNOCK KNOCK JOKES, POLITICAL JOKES, ETC BEING POSTED IN A DAD JOKE SUB

Try telling these sexual jokes that get posted here, to your kid and see how your spouse likes it.. if that goes well, Try telling one of your friends kid about your sex life being like Coca cola, first it was normal, than light and now zero , and see if the parents are OK with you telling their kid the "dad joke"

I'm not even referencing the NSFW, I'm saying Dad jokes are corny, and sometimes painful, not sexual

So check out r/jokes for all types of jokes

r/unclejokes for dirty jokes

r/3amjokes for real weird and alot of OC

r/cleandadjokes If your really sick of seeing not dad jokes in r/dadjokes

Punchline !

Edit: this is not a post about NSFW , This is about jokes, knock knock jokes, blonde jokes, political jokes etc being posted in a dad joke sub

Edit 2: don't touch the thermostat

Short Answer: Better than Imperial Average at melee, lots of footsloggers, sappers, stormtroopers and Rough Riders, appreciable skill at siege warfare, below average resentment levels among the rank and file, and a smidge less likely to shit themselves when their position is charged; but painfully low levels of combat vehicles, tanks or motorized artillery, moderate doctrinal inflexibility, and worrying potential for insubordination in the more elite ranks.

Long Answer:

To begin with, you have to consider the types of people a Feudal World is going to Tithe. You’re going to get (roughly) four types of people, but two of them are functionally identical: the peasant levy, the professional mercenary, the poor noble, and the wealthy noble.

The peasant levy is going to be the majority of the tithe. Depending on which part of the Medieval Age their planet equates to, they could be used to fighting and marching in anything from padded cloth armor to plate-and-mail. Once they get over their initial techno-shock, they’re going to have the easiest time adjusting…. Because the amount of control an Imperial Guardsman has over his own life is about the same as a medieval serf’s: practically none. If anything, life in The Wall of Guns is easier, since you don’t have to worry about planting and harvesting enough food to keep you from starving until next year. The two biggest difficulties in turning medieval savages into proper soldiers are 1. Breaking them of their experience-taught belief that warfare is predominantly melee combat, and 2. Finding enough of them mentally flexible enough to become proficient in operating modern vehicles.

The first one is probably the easiest to compensate for. In medieval warfare, ranged weaponry existed solely to soften up enemy positions before you got into melee range and the real fight begins. Modern warfare is almost the complete opposite; you ideally want to do all your damage before your enemy is close enough to touch you, and such a drastic shift in combat philosophy is difficult to make stick. One way the Imperium can make the switch easier is to teach them the ‘Volley Fire’ school of lasgunning; regardless of whether they used bows, crossbows, or muzzle-loaded gunpowder firearms, they’re going to come into this thinking of ranged weapons as something that has a pause between each shot and is best fired en masse. Working with that instinct, rather than against it, is going to save the

Do your worst!

How the hell am I suppose to know when it’s raining in Sweden?

Mathematical puns makes me number

We told her she can lean on us for support. Although, we are going to have to change her driver's license, her height is going down by a foot. I don't want to go too far out on a limb here but it better not be a hack job.

Ants don’t even have the concept fathers, let alone a good dad joke. Keep r/ants out of my r/dadjokes.

But no, seriously. I understand rule 7 is great to have intelligent discussion, but sometimes it feels like 1 in 10 posts here is someone getting upset about the jokes on this sub. Let the mods deal with it, they regulate the sub.

They were cooked in Greece.

I'm surprised it hasn't decade.

He lost May

Now that I listen to albums, I hardly ever leave the house.

It had been half a lifetime since the days of the darkless nights followed by the long coldness. The stars in the sky no longer had the occasional drifter whose light flashed as it passed from horizon to horizon, and the long thin clouds that once stretched behind the enormous birds so high in the sky had not disappeared along with the birds themselves. The strange men that occasionally ventured towards the Tree People's land had been long gone as well, which had been a comfort.

Life was prosperous, and quiet. But Chabat, the leader of the Tree People, felt uneasy. He had been little more than a stripling during the darkless nights, but he still remembered the distant rumbles and knew that while life was much the same as always for his people, something was different about the world they lived in. Before, there was the sense that they were too far away and too deep among the trees for others to reach them. Now, he wondered where others were.

The Jondolin tribe, he knew, was there. Several valleys away, the tentative peace between the two tribes remained, with the very occasional intermarriage. But the Aisha, who had traded with both the People of the River and Chabat's own Tree People had disappeared during the darkless nights, and with them, the hard knives and axes that they sometimes bartered for. Those old knives and axes, carefully sharpened over years, were at the ends of their use. The people could live without them and return to using stone shards, he knew, but...

After several days of thought and debate, one morning Chabat and a small party of the most capable men and women of his people began the long journey. When they passed into the Aisha area, all were on guard, but there were no warning calls, and no attacks. When Chabat led the party to the Aisha's longhouses he remembered from the visits of his youth, they found them deserted. The jungle had overtaken them. Only a few deer and monkeys lingered where Chabat remembered lively interaction with the strange but wonderful Aisha.

The knives and axes that had remained in the longhouses were long rusted. Chabat knew they could be restored to some usefulness and he sent a few of the most trustworthy companions back to the Tree People with them. But Chabat yearned to know more. Where had the Aisha all gone?

Chabat and the remaining members of the party ventured on, following the downward slope of the land. After many days travel they found the river which had been spoken of only in legend among

Two muffins are in an oven, one muffin looks at the other and says "is it just me, or is it hot in here?"

Then the other muffin says "AHH, TALKING MUFFIN!!!"

Don't you know a good pun is its own reword?

For context I'm a Refuse Driver (Garbage man) & today I was on food waste. After I'd tipped I was checking the wagon for any defects when I spotted a lone pea balanced on the lifts.

I said "hey look, an escaPEA"

No one near me but it didn't half make me laugh for a good hour or so!

Edit: I can't believe how much this has blown up. Thank you everyone I've had a blast reading through the replies 😂

It really does, I swear!

Dates edit I read it in the mid 90's. Publish age is pre 1995.
I remember reading this for as a class book report approx grade 6-8 area. There is a high chance it's a Canadian Author, but I can't be sure. It's about a girl who lives in this futuristic world, the town is surrounded by a barrier OR the whole town is a series of connected buildings and tunnels. During the warms months you can come and go, but before winter arrives it's locked up and won't be opened until spring because the weather is to harsh and dangerous to survive. This girl ends up getting locked outside after the doors are closed for the season. There is no way back in and she is saved by a local native tribe. She's initially horrified by their uncivilized ways but understand she needs to survive till spring then she can finally go home where she belongs. Over the winter she grows to appreciate the ways of these people and gets close to them fitting in more as time passes and being part of the community. Spring arrives and the town reopens, she goes home and realizes how shallow her previous life was. The boy she had a crush on before and was supposed to become engaged to is now engaged to someone else and all her old friends are only mildly excited she's back again. All her previous views on home and civilization are changed by her experiences with the other people.

And now I’m cannelloni

Because she wanted to see the task manager.

The nurse asked the rabbit, “what is your blood type?”

“I am probably a type O” said the rabbit.

But that’s comparing apples to oranges

NAME: Shimmering Sorrows Confederation.

LOCATION: Here

GEOGRAPHY: The islands to the north are generally small and rocky, overgrown with tropical vegetation. They have sandy beaches in some places and tall mountains toward the center. Most of them are volcanic islands, however, the volcanoes have not been active for centuries. The larger islands to the south are much more flat. They too have idyllic sandy beaches ripe for tourism, however toward their center are vast, dense jungles filled with wildlife. The surrounding sea is shallow with only limited eldritch influence

BIOLOGY/ETHNICITY: In addition to the normal mix of peoples and species that comes from a modern nation with high tourism, there are two main species on the islands, native humans, and Rovinan Half-elves. The Half-Elves tend to populate the coastal regions in more urban areas. Their Elven ancestry is from Rovina, while their human ancestry is a mix of Rovinan and native people. The native humans of Shimmering Sorrow’s southern islands tend to be shorter than the average with black hair, gold-yellow eyes, and tan skin. Many of them remain uncontacted due to the dense jungles that characterize these islands. The native humans of the northern islands are tall and thin, with grayish white skin and deep blue eyes. Their hair tends to be gray or black, however, some lineages or groups have striking red hair. The gene for the red hair is recessive and thus can appear apparently randomly even generations after the most recent red haired ancestor.

HISTORY: The histories of these islands were once completely disconnected from one another, having their own tribal kingdoms, wars, and peoples. The islands are lacking in natural resources, and were thus left alone for most of their history. During the colonial age, the Peninsular Empire claimed the islands due to their possible strategic interest between the Shimmering Sea and The Sea of Sorrows. They did very little with the islands for most of this time, leaving them mostly to their own devices besides establishing a few trading posts along the coast. Most of the people of Shimmering Sorrows didn’t even know about the Empire, let alone believed them to be their rulers, but they were “uncivilized”, so nobody much cared about their opinion. However, as the modern era came into swing, so too did a new force, tourism. Idyllic beaches, warm weather, and limited eldritch influence made for ideal vacatio

And boy are my arms legs.

Put it on my bill

Heard they've been doing some shady business.

but then I remembered it was ground this morning.

Edit: Thank you guys for the awards, they're much nicer than the cardboard sleeve I've been using and reassures me that my jokes aren't stale

Edit 2: I have already been made aware that Men In Black 3 has told a version of this joke before. If the joke is not new to you, please enjoy any of the single origin puns in the comments

BamBOO!

They’re on standbi

A play on words.