The Death was Shocking to be honest
Ever since the Death Star blew up, Anakin has taken to the NY Stock Exchange
Did you hear about the guy who went into the Everglades, found this huge sea-cow thing and beat it to death with the oar of his boat?
They're prosecuting him for crimes against a manatee.
Sad to report the death of the founder of Dulux paint. He died this morning from hypothermia on top of a mountain.
It's been reported he could have done with another coat.
A man is found dead in the desert. Cause of death appeared to be dehydration. The police go to his mother's house.
Did you hear the sad news about the free-solo rock climber that fell to his death?
It’s a real shame because he was such a down-to-earth guy.
Two cowboys walking through the plains, no food or water, death imminent. When through hazy vision one of them spies a tree, covered in bacon by an oasis of pure clean. One cowboy hide behind a rock, as his confused friend runs to the tree... only to be gunned down by some bandits.
The second cowboy is relieved to be alive, and thankful that he knew that that was no bacon tree.
It was a ham bush
Two Ninjas are in a cage match to the death. Which team throws in the towel first?
What do you call a spelling bee to the death?
Did you hear about the two cows who fought to the death?
It was crazy, their lives were at steak
Did you hear about the guy that got pecked to death by a chicken?
It was a murder most fowl
For the convict on death row waiting to hear back from the governor...
...no noose is good news.
What did Death say to the piano when it broke?
Never challenge death to a pillow fight. Unless you are prepared for the reaper cushions.
Sad to hear about the death of the man who invented the jigsaw puzzle.
Other names include the- Slide of Death, or the slide to heaven
I was intending to publish a book about the Black Death
Until I was accused of plaguerism.
Today they sentenced the infamous "Country, Rap, Gospel and Classical Music Killer" to death
He's going to get the eclectic chair.
Baby Humpback: Dad. If you keep eating all the food and not saving any for me, I'm going to starve to death!
Dad Humpback: Nah. Whatever doesn't krill you makes you stronger.
I have 2 part-time jobs. For one, I put sodas into aluminum containers. For the other, I document a person's desires regarding what happens to their property after death
Two cartoonists fought each other to death and the police are investigating
The details are pretty sketchy and the reports are saying it ended in a draw
A woman is on trial for beating her husband to death with his guitar collection. The judge asks her, "First offender?" She says, "No, first a Gibson! Then a Fender!"
I’m out of... thyme jumped out at me when I opened the cabinet and dove to its death.
My pops always said he would go to his grave with his famous BBQ chicken recipe. On his death bead, he had me lean in to tell me the secret ingredient.
That’s when I knew it was Thyme.
You are traveling along the Oregon Trail, and you meet a man named Terry. You say "Terry? That's a girls name!" In anger, Terry stabs you to death.
You have died of dissin' Terry.
Every dad at some point. Wife: Don’t let me forget to put clothes in the dryer in an hour. Me: Don’t forget to put clothes in the dryer in an hour. Wife: Killer death stare
Why did the old man fall to his death?
He could not see that well.
Did you hear about the son who beat his father to death?
I was trying to come up with a killer dad joke, but couldn't think of a punchline.
Did you hear about the pear that fell off of the tree and fell to its death?
The damage was irreparable
Have you heard about the homicidal maniac who papercuts people to death with terms and conditions documents?
In a serious food fight, a food fight to the death, what would be the most appropriate food weapon? (found dad in r/AskReddit)
https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/615gh8/in_a_serious_food_fight_a_food_fight_to_the_death/dfc7q3q/
Answer - Extra Sharp Cheddar
My grandmother, a very devout member of the Spiritualist church, used to communicate with departed spirits at her congregation. Unfortunately, she passed away last week. By all accounts, it was a peaceful death.
Perhaps she'll be able to tell me herself at the funeral
Three warriors, past, present, and future, are having a battle to the death.
Did you hear about the man crushed to death by the aqueduct he was trying to steal?
What's the Worst Part About Starving to Death?
You're hungry the whole time.
So a women is on trial for beating her husband to death with his guitar collection. During her court hearing the judge asks, "First offender?"
The woman says, "No first a gibson, then a fender."
A woman is on trial for beating her husband to death with his guitar collection. The judge says, "First offender?" She says, "No, first a Gibson, then a Fender!"
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