The potatoes suffered heavy casualties in the first battle of the vegetable wars
Towards the end of WW2 the Americans decided to try out an advanced, decisive strategy for war ..
In honor of Star Wars Day (May The Fourth), here’s a themed dad joke!
Did you know the temperature of a Bacta tank is lukewarm?
I recently placed a bid for a rifle used in the war by a French officer.
It was in good shape having only been dropped twice in surrender.
Two drunk guys were about to get into a brawl. One of the guys grabs a stick and draws a line in the dirt and says "If you cross this line, I'll hit you in the face"
Chewbacca of Star Wars was once a great baseball player in The Major Leagues. . . . . .
Seriously, he won Wookie of the year.
Before I went to the Star Wars cosplay, I thought everyone was one-dimensional. Then I met a pair of gorgeous woman dressed as astromech droids.
Who stared as Han Solo in the Scandinavian remake of Star Wars?
Disney just announced a Star Wars and Pirates of the Caribbean crossover
I'm looking forward to seeing Arrgghh-2-D2.
Did you hear about the team that lost in tug of war?
They couldn't pull it together.
What is the name of the big hairy guy in a redneck Star Wars remake?
I need someone to repair the stone wall in the front of my house, but I don’t have a lot of money.
Incidentally, Free Masons are not what they sound like.
True story, just happened, proud of myself: Dog starts barking furiously out of nowhere. Come to the door to see she's startled a pair of guys from a roofing company who've come to fix a hole where squirrels are getting in.
"Sorry about her. Her specialty is also roofing."
Blank stares. My talents are so wasted without kids.
The cast of “Friends” got stuck at sea in a boat, but thankfully nothing happened.
Hey friends! In support of the LGBTQ+ community I wanted to design a punny pride greeting card and I am so happy with how it turned out :D let me know what you think!
There are two types of people in the world.
Those who can extrapolate from incomplete data.
I just got a new job in a factory making plastic Draculas. There are only two of us on the production line
so I have to make every second count.
There are 10 types of people in the world:
Those who know binary and those who don't.
What kind of trees grown in the bathroom?
Toilet-trees
.....I'll show myself out
What do you call a neon sheep in the Star Wars universe?
Soup (I know it’s from Instagram but that’s why I kept the @ of the account in)
An elderly couple is in a church. The wife says to the husband “I’ve let out one of those silent farts, what do I do?”
The husband says “Change the battery in your hearing aid.”
What do you call a jar of Miracle Whip that’s falling to the bottom of the ocean in early May?
Today marks the 77th anniversary that my grandfather was responsible for bringing down 4 German bombers in one day during the war
He was the worst mechanic the luftwaffe ever had
I'm a line cook and looking for a way to get in on some of the extra cash that servers earn.
Got any tips you can share?
My girlfriend left me while I was crying in the bathroom with constipation. She told me that I was so full of it.
It was the hardest dump I ever took
The big bad wolf converted to Buddhism and there was finally peace in the forest. But suddenly, the air was filled with screams of terror! A bear asked the animals running past him, "What's happening now?"
"The big bad wolf!" a goat shouted. "Is meditating!"
"So? Isn't that a good thing? questioned the bear.
"Noooo!" the goat bleated. "It's become aware wolf!"
True story: I was a kid, watching TV in our living room. My dad was outside using the grill. All of a sudden he bursts in the door hopping on one foot yelling “I stepped on a Bee!”
I was so concerned I jumped up and ran over to him...
Earlier that day my friend and I who were really into mountain biking had been using really sticky letters to put our names on our bikes. We were working near the general area of the BBQ.
Apparently I had dropped one...
Stuck to the bottom of my dads foot was the letter B....
A legendary dad joke from a legendary dad.
Norway just made the decision to put QR codes on the side of all its war ships.
Now they can Scandinavian!
What is in the middle of Japan?
After I joined the army, I served in a furious war of Iraq , when we came home, I was sent to jail, I don't understand why......
My lieutenant said , fire in the hole and I fired In his hole .
How does the Norse god of mischief act in his off time?
Did you know that Muslims were the LOWEST impacted religious group of people in the pandemic?
They've always required mosques
Back in high school I led a movement to eliminate some of the alphabet's unnecessary letters. Our first target the 25th letter.
Why didn’t the teacher want to fart in front of anyone?
These two wind turbines are standing in a field and one asks the other “what type of music do you like?”
The other one says “I’m a huge metal fan”
Guys, make your woman feel special. Place a framed photo of her in the kitchen...
....and write "EMPLOYEE OF THE MONTH" on top.
What do the endings of The Sixth Sense and Titanic have in common?
What do you call a guy with no arms or legs in the middle of the ocean?
I made a spreadsheet of all the grassy plains in Scotland, but lost it when my computer crashed.
Traveled to the top of a misty mountain in the Far East to ask the local monk the meaning of life
He said. Many men bite, but fumanchu
Who is the greatest chicken-killer in all of Shakespeare?
Macbeth, of course, for he did murder most fowl...
In a vote for my favourite film of the Star Wars franchise ...
... ‘Solo’ would win Hans down.
(I’m sure that’s been done before but it’s new to me. Sorry if that’s the case! Meanwhile I am trying to come up with a version about who shot first - Han or Greedo - but Solo had one Han up and the other under the table, so not both Hans and not really “down” either. Shucks)
What would you call javelins embedded in the knee of an Englishman?
Once upon a time a had a pair of jeans that I cut off at the knee in summer.
There you go, a short story.
Did you hear about Dr. Suess' new book about a Japanese warrior in the town of Whoville?
Towards the end of WW2 the Americans decided to try out an advanced, decisive strategy for war
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