An actual joke from my dad this weekend
Dad: The sun is out! Oh nevermind now it's gone
Me: It's just a little shy
Dad: yeah that's why they call it sunSHYne...
My best friend just had a baby and said he can't hang around with me this weekend.
You've known the baby for only 1 day and mee for 16 years, but okay.
Chinese rocket remanats are going to fall back to earth this weekend
I tried clog dancing this weekend.
Unfortunately the Drano kept burning my feet.
I was considering visiting a local cidery this weekend...
I’m not sure but I’ll have to mull it over
I went to the zoo this weekend and all they had was one dog...
My elderly neighbor had some landscapers take care of his lawn every weekend for several years. Recently, he hired a new crew, but forgot to fire the old crew. So this weekend they both showed up to mow his lawn, and got into a fight over who should be there.
He had no idea he had started a turf war.
I heard they were going to broadcast the World Origami Championships this weekend since so many sports are cancelled
I didn't put my watch back this weekend, so I'm living in the future.
If there's anything you want to know, about what's going to happen, just ask me.
My friend invited me over for dumplings this weekend.
I told her don’t worry about it, I know it’s a lot of wok.
Friend: Ugh the concert I was attending this weekend got cancelled
Me: wow that’s disconcerting
In Germany this weekend they have been preparing for the crisis by stocking up on sausages and cheese.
It's the Wurst Käse scenario.
I went to the Home Improvement store this weekend and walked past the stud finders...
The noise was unbearable.
Went to a meatloaf sampling party this past weekend.
Two out of three weren't bad.
Since it's Mothers Day weekend, I decided to make sure my wife woke up with a BIG SMILE on her face this morning...
Now I can't have Sharpies in the house anymore.
I’m going to need you to come in this weekend
My daughter’s wedding was this weekend
It was so beautiful, the cake was in tiers
With thanksgiving this weekend....
I picked the wrong weekend to quit cold turkey.
My co-worker told me The Weekend is coming to Vancouver this year.
I told her the weekend comes to Vancouver every 5 days.
Saw a grave robbin’ this weekend
A cousin of mine is in charge of distribution for this big pickle company; he was freaking out over the weekend after sending only miniature pickle chips to a restaurant that asked for full sized ones..
They told him it wasn't a big dill, though.
In preparation for winter, I mounted my car's snow tires this weekend.
Now there's a tiring job.
My boss didnt give me a single weekend off this December
I was so bored this weekend that I started reading the dictionary from start to finish.
I tried playing poker for the first time this weekend...
It turns out I’m not suited for it
We are holding our annual social anxiety conference this weekend.
We hope to have more than 1 person show up this year.
I went to a scarecrow festival this weekend
They were outstanding in their field
Do you think it will snow this weekend?
I don't know, it's still up in the air.
After this last weekend I've decided I'm done drinking for good!
Now I'm only drinking for evil!
I went to a wedding this weekend. It was a very emotional ceremony
Even the cake was in tiers
My Amish friend invited me to a house party this weekend!
We're about to get churnt up!
I've been caught in light rainstorms while hiking before, but the mountain I was on this weekend was rainier.
Laura Bush tells George W. Bush, “We have this weekend free. What should we do?”
“Well, let’s think,” he responds.
Laura replies, “No, let’s do something we both can do.”
Told this one this weekend to groans
A friend mentioned she bought something on eBay while living in Canada, so I said "eeb, eh?"
This weekend I will absolutely kick my habit of tapping on dead trees
I took my family skiing this weekend.
It went downhill from the start.
My girlfriend asked if I hung out with my friends this weekend
I replied " yes, all 10 seasons actually "
Knee-on-sine. Made this for my punny cousin for his 30th birthday this weekend.
My refrigerator broke down this weekend. Luckily, a friend had a spare fridge he gave me.
He really saved my bacon.
My daughter’s been doing her SATS exams all week and I just told her every day this week has been a weekend for her
Because she’s had a sat-a-day
My son asked if we could go to the fair this weekend. I said “the short answer is yes”...
but the shorter answer is “no”.
For star wars day this past weekend I made cookies in the shape of a wookie.
They were a little Chewey.
I watched a great documentary on beavers this weekend.
Best dam thing I’ve watched in a while.
I went camping this weekend.
Fishing on an inland lake on an island this weekend with my daughter. This island generates lots of power via wind turbines. Anyway, We are on the lake and it gets rough and REALLY windy. Pretend to get mad and yell at the power station...
"Turn off the damn fans, I'm trying to fish over here and you are creating too much wind"...
groans ensue.....
This weekend we decided to go camping!
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