Lance isn't a very common name these days...
But in Midevil times guys were named Lance a lot.
My wife has been taking a course in advanced electrics and it's taken over her life. Everything she says these days concerns resistors, transformers, circuitry, voltage, ampage etc. All fucking day long, I've tried explaining to her it's driving a wedge between us, but she won't listen to reason.
She just buries her head in the sand like an off switch.
One of these days HR is gonna get called...
Talking amongst the office about current events and the Matt Gaetz scandal came up.
Coworker "An older guy in power taking advantage of young women? That's a tale as old as time..."
Me "From what I've seen the tail wasn't even 18..."
My wife's eyes are so much more noticeable these days.
Perhaps this is why wood floors are so popular these days
Lance isn't a very common name these days
But in the medieval times people were called Lancelot
The Trump White House is so polite these days.
Everyone there is saying “Pardon me” all the time now.
It's days like these I remember what my Grandad said before he kicked the bucket...
He said "Hey, watch how far I can kick this bucket."
Me: one day you will inherit all these priceless family heirlooms
My dumbass kid: dad these are vape pens
Me: no they are the family juuls
You don't see a lot of agoraphobes these days.
Who goes Vroom Vroom these days anyway
On the first day of my flying lessons, I looked down nervously and asked my instructor, “What are all these buttons for?”
“They are to keep your shirt done up” he replied.
The way kids are dressing these days makes me think they all have COVID-19...
...they obviously have no taste.
The political climate is so polarizing these days that even Do, Re and Mi decided to form their own independent left leaning musical scale and vote Democratic.
When questioned they just stated they were now Anti Fa.
I was walking around this aquarium the other day. When I heard these 2 fish singing....
I think it was Pike and Tina Tuna.
Ever notice how there aren’t many people named Lance these days?
Back in medieval times people used to be named Lancelot.
We preserve objects very well these days.
Soon, artefacts may just become a thing of the past.
These days everyone seems to be going for progressiveness until it comes to something they really care about.
& hence I don't care 'bout anything.
So many people these days are too judgmental
I can tell just by looking at them
These days pretty much anything can be used as a pejorative
MY FATHER WAS A PEJORATIVE!!!!
If you're looking for sense these days, don't bother.
There is a national coin shortage, after all.
Approaching the house without a mask these days is just bush league.
People will click any clickbait these days
Which occupation is the safest these days?
My friend keeps telling me to cheer up these days. He says it could be a lot worse
I could be trapped inside an underground hole filled with water.
I know he means well.
These two dinosaurs were walking one day and they came across another dinosaur they had never seen before, eating plants. One says "Who is that?!" and the other replies...
"I dunno. I've never seen herbivore!"
Novelty exit signs are quite a rage in my town these days.
But I think they are on the way out.
Drug dealers these days...
I need a liver transplant, luckily you can just get them from Amazon these days. It should be arriving today...
The tracker says it's 'out for delivery'
Why do kids these days love the song My Own Worst Enemy?
A lot of people these days are talking about chilies.
I don’t understand? Why is it such a hot topic?
Kids these days don't know how to tie dye properly
I guess you could say it's a dying art.
Today while discussing game meats and a kangaroo stew I made a few years back, my coworker pointed out that with the Australian wild fires you won’t be able to get much kangaroo meat these days...
My reply without missing a beat — you’ll be able to buy it, you just won’t be able to buy it rare.
Everyone acts like they’re so PC these days
But Mac sales have been going up!
You know what would really lift my spirits these days?
If I integrated a gym into my liquor store.
Me: When I went to buy hotdogs on Memorial Day weekend they were all gone except these little ones.
My wife: Guess it was a Memorial Day for hotdogs then.
I feel like I'm gonna choke a person one of these days by joking at the dinner table
And then get jailed for 12 months just for a man's laughter.
Coronavirus is getting a lot of internet popularity these days.
You could say it's gone viral.
Hey dads, get your significant other one of these for valentine's day!
https://imgur.com/VpQ80W3
I know my wife loves a boo-K.
I struggle to tell dad jokes these days.
The first day of flying class, I looked down nervously and asked my instructor, “Wow! What are all these buttons for?”
He said, “They are used to keep your shirt closed.”
Lance isn't a common name these days
But in medieval times people were named Lancelot
my first day working as a pilot: *looking down nervously* what are all these buttons for?
copilot: they keep your shirt closed
So many people are too judgmental these days...
I can tell just by looking at them
So many people these days are too judgemental.
I can tell just by looking at them.
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