A ghost boomerang
β¦flows into the Juve-Nile.
Because itβs 6to9.
I don't think it works though... I didn't get any younger. In fact, I got more wrinkly!
Ai, kiddo!
Is that I'm older than you.
It was outside the bathrooms at the mall, right next to the one for adults.
What's Up-Dog?
To scare the hell out of them.
http://imgur.com/uICSJvZ
Its new name is "Rad Rads."
apparently it is not "appropriate" to talk to residents about the benefits of youth in asia.
One says to the other "Do you smell fish?"
Credit to my partner who's dad used this as his go to joke in her youth
They were paving the way for our youth.
I recall from my youth, a time of great adventure. My friends and I on safari hunting the Great North-American Man-Eating Female Butt-Ox.
The hunt was difficult and expensive. Once one has been identified as an acceptable specimen you need to slow its wits and dull its decision making process. This is best accomplished with loud music, flashing lights and alcohol. But even then the hunt can be foiled by rushing in to early. If you're successful, you then need to separate it from the pack. This is the trickiest bit as less than ideal pack members will often fight ruthlessly to "protect" your target.
But even the most successful outings are not without risk. On several occasions I found myself entangled in a wrestling match for hours. But there lies the fruit of the hunt...
I've heard the youth in Asia will kill you.
I'm currently on a weekend away with a local youth group near me since they needed more leaders. Someone explained to me that there was a leak in one of the boys bedrooms that needed fixing. I exclaimed "a leak? Why are they taking vegetables to their rooms?"
Suffice to say groans were had all around.
He was looking for a soul to take. He came up to a man and said, "Sir, would you make a deal in exchange for your soul?" Now the man had red hair, so people said he did not have one. He told the Devil, "I'll give you my 'soul' if you grant me eternal youth, and infinite riches. But I contain my 'soul' in a container." The Devil agreed and they shook, then the man gave the Devil his left shoe's sole.
Told by a grandpa.
One's a youth in Asia and the other is euthanasia.
Surrounded by his family.
Trying to extract some final wisdoms from him and keep him company in his final days, his son asks "What's the part of your life that sticks out to you most Dad?"
He responds "I can perfectly remember my youth. Those summer days fifty years ago seem in my mind to be as clear and perfect as this moment now."
His son exclaims "Wow, fifty years! Your memory was always so impressive, even in your old age pop"
"But of course" his dad says back, "hindsight is 2020"
My parents, girlfriend and I were walking around exploring one of the neighbouring islands when we saw a sign that said "youth recreational grounds" on it, but was just a field full of goats.
My dad exclaims "pretty sure these aren't the youths that the council had in mind"
And I retort "either way, I hear it's a great place to bring your kids"
...Cue groans
So a co-worker of mine brought up the topic of euthanasia and what we thought about it and here's how the conversation went:
Co-worker: "So what do you think about euthanasia especially involving really young kids?"
Me: "I mean, I think it's awful, they get paid like 5 cents a day, the working conditions are deplorable, it really keeps me up at night."
after a few confused looks by everyone my co-worker replies:
Co-worker: "What the fuck are you talking about?"
Me: "I thought you wanted to know what I thought about the youth in Asia?"
The groans were so rewarding.
E: formatting
Priest: what's the noise outside? Youth leader: a naked woman is riding a donkey. Priest: really? Let me see, it's been a while since I saw an ass.
My dad decided classic nursery rhymes are too graphic for today's youth. So he told my two year old daughter:
Humpty Dumpty sat on the wall,
Humpty Dumpty had a great fall,
And his winter wasn't half bad either.
...They didn't let me in but I could hear parts of the conversation behind the door. Apparently our old dog is going to be given to Youth in Asia.
I was asked to help chauffeur a carload of youth around town for a Christmas caroling activity last night. One of the names on the list was Jack, who lost his wife earlier this year. Jack is in his early 90's, stands about 5'2, and is quite possibly the king of all dad jokes.
So, the group of about 25 kids and 5 adults sneak up to his doorstep and begin singing a few short Christmas carols. Eventually, he opens the door and is thrilled to have visitors.
After we are finished singing and the kids are all running back to the vehicles to get out of the 15 degree weather, jack steps out of his doorway and on to his porch. He is wearing a light t-shirt and pajama pants... he was setting us up, and we took the bait, hook, line, and sinker.
Woman: Are you freezing?
Jack: No, I'm not freezing, I'm Jack (pause for laughter)
Jack: but if you hang on for just a minute, I can get freezing for you.
and then he just stood there smiling at us. It was precious. Come to find out, Jack is entering a retirement home in a few days because he is getting to the point that it is hard to take care of himself anymore.
Oh boy, those nurses are in for a treat once Jack gets settled in.
The youth in Asia have it hard enough as it is!
I spent a good portion of my youth rolling my eyes at my father's jokes. But deep down, I loved 'em. I have a great Dad. But I'm not really the best at saying "I love you". I was reading /r/dadjokes recently and I had an idea. I should turn my Dad's favorite joke into a t-shirt. Then, on Father's Day, I could video chat with him while I wear the shirt.
I think he would love the shit out of that, you know? Like, maybe he will think "Wow, my son gets it. He actually likes my humor!"
Then I thought, I could turn a bunch of these jokes into shirts. So I did. You can see them here:
http://www.funnyshirts.org/s/dadjokes
And then I thought, man, if I could get more people to do nothing else on Father's Day but to embrace their Dad's sense of humor... that would be pretty cool. It would make a lot of Dads happy.
So I wrote the Dad Joke Manifesto:
http://dadjokemanifesto.tumblr.com/themanifesto
You don't have to use t-shirts. Just make a good joke. Employ puns. Think about your Dad's style, his favorite joke, and embrace it.
If you can dig it, then join the movement. Send me your favorite Dad Jokes. Join us on:
If nothing else, follow along for some good dad jokes.
My dad coached my AYSO soccer team (associated youth soccer organization or something). The games were on saturdays. every year when he was talking to the parents
Dad: "You guys have signed your kids up for AYSO soccer. Which stands for All Your Saturdays Occupied * significant amount of air passes through his nose multiple times*
I was driving my younger sister to one of her youth group meetings earlier today and I talked about how I had first seen a funeral procession that morning on the day to school. I started asking several rhetorical questions such as:
-
"Where was the casket? I didn't see one carried by any of the vehicles."
-
"What cemetery are they going to?"
But now here comes the gold...
"It was a long procession...I'm sure (s)he was loved." Turns toward her "Do you know what the stages of grief are? It's weird how we say the human experience is unique for everyone, but almost everyone mourns in the same way. Do you know what happens after the mourning?"
I sat there in awe after having quivered before the dad-joke incarnate in front of me when I hear in response:
"Why of course, the afternoon silly!"
Edit: I accidentally a format
My dad was in a plane crash in his youth. While my cousin's baby daughter was over, my sister made her a paper airplane to play with. She threw the plane to me, and I threw it back. It spiralled down and hit the ground.
My dad replied with, "I've been in a plane like that." Made me chuckle.
