An alternative... was that A'Tuin was crawling from the Birthplace to the Time of Mating. When they arrived they would briefly and passionately mate, for the first and only time, and from that fiery union new turtles would be born to carry a new pattern of worlds.

This was known as the Big Bang hypothesis.

Joke by Terry Pratchett, β€˜The Colour of Magic’, Prologue.

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/WatashiStickKid
πŸ“…︎ Sep 03 2020
🚨︎ report
How much space will Brexit free up in the European Union?

1 GB.

πŸ‘︎ 10k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Jan 30 2020
🚨︎ report
Why did the Soviet Union not attack Germany right away?

They were Stalin.

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/karma-enigma
πŸ“…︎ Jul 01 2020
🚨︎ report
The soviet union was doomed to fail.

The red flags were everywhere.

πŸ‘︎ 14
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Rav4xle
πŸ“…︎ Jun 02 2020
🚨︎ report
Did you hear the announcement from the Janitors' Union?

They proposed some sweeping changes.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/kmh4321
πŸ“…︎ Jun 07 2020
🚨︎ report
Why did the Soviet Union win the Space Race?

Because they're always Russian.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Sgt_PoopyMan
πŸ“…︎ Apr 05 2020
🚨︎ report
I would stay away from the Soviet Union

There's a lot of red flags you need to watch out for.

πŸ‘︎ 111
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Eireannach0
πŸ“…︎ Dec 20 2019
🚨︎ report
Apparently they are still searching for the spy plane that was shot down over the former Soviet Union in 1960.

They still haven’t found what they’re looking for.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Konamicoder
πŸ“…︎ Mar 27 2020
🚨︎ report
Why do people in the soviet union procrastinate?

Because they love Stalin

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/h0ldmycovfefe
πŸ“…︎ Feb 20 2020
🚨︎ report
I got fired from the electrician's union today for being bad at my job.

All of my co-workers were shocked.

πŸ‘︎ 15
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Jackvishs
πŸ“…︎ Nov 11 2019
🚨︎ report
What is the Soviet Union version of a Grammar Nazi?

A ,rade.

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/OrikamiPanio
πŸ“…︎ Jan 25 2020
🚨︎ report
I don't get how Russians didn't see the demise of the Soviet Union coming

There were red flags all over the place

πŸ‘︎ 212
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Kangamooo
πŸ“…︎ Jul 01 2019
🚨︎ report
Is my car the leader of the Soviet Union

Cause it be Stalin

πŸ‘︎ 36
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πŸ‘€︎ u/saladass4
πŸ“…︎ Sep 22 2019
🚨︎ report
I didn't think the metalworkers union existed any longer

But I guess they are steel around.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Oct 29 2019
🚨︎ report
Who’s responsible for the fall of the Soviet Union?

Everyone. They all share the blame.

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/boogerknows
πŸ“…︎ Oct 29 2019
🚨︎ report
What do you call a pirate ship in the Soviet Union

The USS Aarrgh

πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/PotatoSeed7
πŸ“…︎ Aug 12 2019
🚨︎ report
The Soviet Union did things pretty slowly...

I guess they were Stalin around.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/shamieee
πŸ“…︎ May 06 2019
🚨︎ report
Did you know the match makers' union didn't have picket lines for their labor disputes?

They were strike anywhere.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/PM_ME_UR_BENCHYS
πŸ“…︎ Jul 25 2019
🚨︎ report
Did you know that the Soviet Union didn't have mines?

They only had ours!

πŸ‘︎ 37
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Wombat1892
πŸ“…︎ Feb 05 2019
🚨︎ report
What is another name for the fall of the Soviet Union?

The Fault In Our Tsars.

πŸ‘︎ 18
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheScarletSho
πŸ“…︎ Apr 17 2019
🚨︎ report
A frog hops into the credit union and meets with his loan officer, Ms. Black. She asks if he has any collateral for the loan?

The frog pulls out a small weird shaped item, made of ceramic. Ms. Black isn’t sure what to make of it, so she asks her manager. He takes one look at the item, and says, β€œWhy that’s a knick knack Patty Black, give that frog a loan!”

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/iamkeerock
πŸ“…︎ Jan 13 2019
🚨︎ report
If communist fatalists band together, is it the So-be-it union?
πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/turbodeeznuts
πŸ“…︎ Apr 18 2019
🚨︎ report
I'm glad I wasn't born in the Soviet Union.

Whatever I did, I'd be Russian.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Lykanthrocide
πŸ“…︎ Feb 16 2019
🚨︎ report
Why don't cars start in the soviet union?

They keep on Stalin.

πŸ‘︎ 32
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πŸ‘€︎ u/LAL99
πŸ“…︎ Sep 18 2018
🚨︎ report
The British parliament finally approved the final draft of the Brexit letter to the European Union.

It’s not EU, it’s me.

πŸ‘︎ 22
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jan 17 2019
🚨︎ report
What’s another name for a pirate ship in the Soviet Union?

The USS Aaarggh

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/PotatoSeed7
πŸ“…︎ Mar 11 2019
🚨︎ report
The European Union is disgusting. Don't believe me?

Say EU real fast.

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/disconformity
πŸ“…︎ Jul 30 2018
🚨︎ report
Why was the Soviet Union unprepared for the Nazi invasion?

They kept Stalin'

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/swift_air
πŸ“…︎ Jan 05 2019
🚨︎ report
Why did the Soviet Union take so long to fall?

Because they kept Stalin!

πŸ‘︎ 275
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πŸ‘€︎ u/josamo8
πŸ“…︎ Feb 06 2017
🚨︎ report
LPT: If you ever go on a date and the person has the banner of the former Soviet Union hanging on their wall...

That's a huge red flag.

πŸ‘︎ 20
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Maimonides_vii
πŸ“…︎ Sep 17 2018
🚨︎ report
If you organize the 50 states in descending order by admittance to the Union...

Then Pennsylvania would be the pennultimate state.

πŸ‘︎ 18
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πŸ‘€︎ u/JPtoony
πŸ“…︎ Jul 19 2017
🚨︎ report
My dad, Paul, was interviewed for the union magazine where he works. I feel sorry for the guy who interviewed him.

Here's a scanned excerpt, via Imgur.

Transcript (Important part in boldface):

Extremely pragmatic and frugal in nature -- "a lot of stuff I see people buying is completely nonessential" -- Paul has a soft spot for absolutely any joke, and the more esoteric, the better. Instead of his proper name on his office template, "The Buck Stops Here" appears. The other day, he stopped me in the hallway and asked "What will the people carrying the coffin at my funeral be called?"

I wait.

"Paul bearers", he declares, followed by a knee-slapping hearty guffaw.

EDIT: Fixed Imgur link.

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πŸ“…︎ Nov 06 2016
🚨︎ report
The European Union is held together by EU rope
πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Richboy12345
πŸ“…︎ Aug 02 2018
🚨︎ report
What type of cloth does the Soviet Union use

Lenin

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Emoti723
πŸ“…︎ Jul 19 2018
🚨︎ report
Why should you never buy a car from the Soviet Union?

They keep Lenin to the left and Stalin. They also exclusively paint in red.

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/BadassNyan
πŸ“…︎ Dec 07 2016
🚨︎ report
The Soviet Union was Stalin but now they're Putin it back together
πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ggtucker
πŸ“…︎ Mar 02 2014
🚨︎ report
Why did leaders of the soviet union hate riding taxi's?

They were always stalin'.

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/NotSoScary555
πŸ“…︎ Jul 15 2016
🚨︎ report
Why did the Soviet Union fail?

Too much Stalin'.

Yeah it's bad but it made me giggle when I thought of it... :P

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Pyram66
πŸ“…︎ Oct 21 2014
🚨︎ report
Why didn't they drive stick in the Soviet Union?

Cause they were afraid of Stalin'!

πŸ‘︎ 33
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Tab7240
πŸ“…︎ Jul 06 2014
🚨︎ report
What do you call two friends who both work with the Union?

Friends with benefits

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Jul 17 2015
🚨︎ report
How can you tell people in the Soviet Union are always in a hurry?

They're all rushin'.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/RobGrizzly
πŸ“…︎ Aug 10 2015
🚨︎ report
How much space will Brexit free up from the European Union?

1 GB

πŸ‘︎ 22
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ValerieCreed
πŸ“…︎ Feb 03 2020
🚨︎ report
How much space will Brexit free up in the European Union?

1 GB

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Feb 02 2020
🚨︎ report
How much space will Brexit free up in the European Union?

1 GB

πŸ‘︎ 21
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πŸ‘€︎ u/stinkysocks999
πŸ“…︎ Jan 30 2020
🚨︎ report
The State of the Union is a pun

It's stating the state that the 50 states are in

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Nexus_Avatar
πŸ“…︎ Jan 30 2018
🚨︎ report
Why was the soviet union always early to the battlegroun?

Because they were Russian

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/SlimLazy
πŸ“…︎ Sep 07 2015
🚨︎ report

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