The Undoing Puns

I'm in the hospital now waiting to see a cardyologist.

In the version they're doing, the bass section plays a bit at the start, then just sits there til the final part of the last movement. So, they decide to leave the concert and go out for drinks.

While at the bar down the street, they meet a European nobleman, and they become good friends. Unfortunately, the guy had been gorging himself on crappy bar food, and he quickly falls into a food coma.

One of the basses drunkenly checks his watch and says, "crap! We're not going to get back on stage in time!" As they're sprinting back, one of them says, "actually, I thought this would happen, so I tied some of the pages of the conductor's score together - that way, he'll have to slow the tempo way down with his right hand while undoes the knots with his left!"

And so they get back just in time to finish the Symphony, and the audience is none the wiser. The conductor, however, was furious.

After all, they'd left him at the bottom of the 9th, with the score tied, while the basses were loaded, and the Count was full.

The first rope goes in and asks for a drink and the bartender says, "We don't serve ropes. You'll have to leave."

The second rope goes in and asks for a drink and the bartender says, "We don't serve ropes. You'll have to leave."

The third rope ties himself in a knot and undoes his top braid a bit and ruffles it up. He goes in and asks for a drink. The bartender asks, "Say, aren't you a rope?"

He replies, "I'm a frayed knot."

Took my iMac in because the hard disc failed. The machine is 6 yrs old so I was made to feel embarrassed coz it was 'vintage and obsolete, Apple don't carry parts and can't help'. I was becoming a bit pissed off at the attitude I was getting then more pissed off when Mr Genius started to tell me to buy some suction pads that glaziers use to carry sheets of glass around, pull out the screen, undo 18 screws etc etc to change the disc myself. That's when I hit him with...

"Glaziers' suction pads? I thought they were only compatible with windows"

He didn't even flinch. Just completely ignored it and carried on sneering at me for having the audacity to be using an old machine. I left feeling like a piece of shit with only pride in my joke keeping me going.

A bit of string walks into a bar, and orders a drink.

Bartender: Sorry buddy we don't serve string here.

String walks outside, undoes the thread on top of his head, and walks back in, and orders a drink again.

Bartender: Aren't you the string that just came in here.?

String: No, I'm a frayed not.