22 Hilarious The Thieves Puns - Punstoppable 🛑

Why did the Roman Soldiers have to crucify Jesus 6ft away from the 2 thieves?

...to prevent cross-contamination.

Happy Easter.

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👤︎ u/KW-DadJoker

📅︎ Apr 04 2021

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We tried catching the chemical thieves...

... but they were just too phosphorus.

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👤︎ u/MyLatestInvention

📅︎ Feb 10 2021

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Where did the car thieves go to celebrate after a successful robbery?

Carrabba’s.

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👤︎ u/idontgiveAdam333

📅︎ Feb 01 2021

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Why do they always use thieves as the high speed units in RPGs?

Because they're so dodgy.

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👤︎ u/MrSquigles

📅︎ Aug 06 2020

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Thieves have broken into and stolen all the toilets at the Police Station

Detectives have nothing to go on

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👤︎ u/HellsJuggernaut

📅︎ May 14 2020

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Did you hear about the two thieves who stole a calendar?

They each got six months.

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👤︎ u/afranc72

📅︎ Apr 30 2020

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To the thieves that took my antidepressants

I hope you’re happy.

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👤︎ u/stubbly_bubbly

📅︎ Mar 07 2020

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When the heat turns down, we thieves gather in our secret hideout for a meeting.

We call it our Con Den session.

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👤︎ u/Allgen

📅︎ Mar 27 2020

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I can't decide whether to join the Bard's College or the Thieves Guild

I'll just have to weigh the prose and the cons.

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👤︎ u/norrisrw

📅︎ Sep 18 2019

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My local movie theatre got robbed tonight, and the thieves got away with just over $1200...

They got 2 Large Cokes, a Large Popcorn, and a box of Skittles.

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👤︎ u/ProjectOcoee

📅︎ Jul 13 2019

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The best thieves steal from birthday parties.

They really take the cake.

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👤︎ u/vaxis2113

📅︎ Feb 07 2019

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Thieves broke into the police station and stole all their light-bulbs.

Police are in the dark as to a motive.

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👤︎ u/Bigfoothobbit

📅︎ Feb 26 2019

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The thieves thought they were so smart cutting the video feeds, but they were caught anyway

Everything was being recorded

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👤︎ u/The_Possum

📅︎ Jul 28 2018

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What bird species make the best thieves?

Robins

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👤︎ u/QuietGiantWRX

📅︎ Dec 31 2018

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Did you hear about the thieves that stole a whole truckload of Viagra?

The police are looking for hardened criminals

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👤︎ u/Sweaterlegs

📅︎ Jun 24 2015

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Two thieves stole all of the roof tiles from the village church...

It was a separation of church and slate.

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👤︎ u/KZedUK

📅︎ Dec 21 2014

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Why was the prince of thieves kicked out of the ghetto?

Because he was robbin' hood.

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👤︎ u/unlucky_genius

📅︎ May 13 2018

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Did you hear about the two thieves who stole a calendar?

They each got six months.

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👤︎ u/notdadbot

📅︎ Nov 19 2019

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Did you hear about the two thieves that stole a calendar?

They each got six months.

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👤︎ u/pol_lesa

📅︎ Feb 07 2020

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Thieves stole all the toilets out of the local police station.

Detectives say they have absolutely nothing to go on.

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👤︎ u/RayZinnet

📅︎ Sep 06 2018

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Did you hear about the two thieves who stole a calendar?

They each got six months.

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👤︎ u/notdadbot

📅︎ Nov 08 2019

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Did you hear about the two thieves who stole a calendar?

They each got six months

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👤︎ u/dingdongsnottor

📅︎ May 27 2019

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