Last time I was on a flight, the stewardess approached me and asked, β€œSir, would you care for a drink?”

I asked her, β€œwhat are my options?”

She said, β€œyes or no.”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheMikeD1
πŸ“…︎ May 08 2020
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A vulture carrying two dead raccoons boards an airplane. The stewardess looks at him and says:

"I'm sorry, only one carrion allowed per passenger'.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/drozzi007
πŸ“…︎ Jul 15 2020
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My friend Adam was telling me how, in addition to marrying a hot super model whose daddy bought the house he lives in and the car he drives just for marrying his daughter, he was also sexing up a hot stewardess. I found it hard to believe...

Because Adams make up everything!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Nov 20 2019
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So a photon gets on a plane and the stewardess asks him if he has any luggage

And he says no, I'm traveling light.

πŸ‘︎ 3k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/xtrememudder89
πŸ“…︎ May 12 2017
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Southwest stewardess just dropped this: "That landing wasn't the pilots fault, it wasn't the first captains fault...."

It was the asphalt".

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πŸ‘€︎ u/BooBooDingDing
πŸ“…︎ Jul 01 2017
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Passenger: "How long will it take the plane fly us to Paris?"

Stewardess: "The entire time, usually it flies the whole way."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/KW-DadJoker
πŸ“…︎ May 26 2020
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Why no baby planes?

A girl is on an airplane with her mom and asks her, "If big dogs have baby dogs, and big cats have baby cats, then why don't big planes have baby planes?"The mom smiles and tells her daughter to ask the stewardess. The stewardess comes over and the the little girl asks her the same question she asked her mother.The stewardess asks the girl if her mom told her to ask her and the little girl replied "Yes." Then the stewardess says "Well that's because Southwest Airlines always pull out on time!"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/tfowler11
πŸ“…︎ Jun 21 2019
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Puns for Educated Minds
  1. The fattest knight at King Arthurs round table was Sir Cumference. He acquired his size from too much pi.

  2. I thought I saw an eye doctor on an Alaskan island, but it turned out to be an optical Aleutian.

  3. She was only a whiskey maker, but he loved her still.

  4. A rubber band pistol was confiscated from algebra class, because it was a weapon of math disruption.

  5. No matter how much you push the envelope, it'll still be stationery.

  6. A dog gave birth to puppies near the road and was cited for littering.

  7. A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France would result in Linoleum Blownapart.

  8. Two silk worms had a race. They ended up in a tie.

  9. A hole has been found in the nudist camp wall. The police are looking into it.

  10. Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.

  11. Atheism is a non-prophet organization.

  12. Two hats were hanging on a hat rack in the hallway. One hat said to the other: You stay here; I'll go on a head.

  13. I wondered why the baseball kept getting bigger. Then it hit me.

  14. A sign on the lawn at a drug rehab center said: Keep off the Grass.

  15. The midget fortune-teller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large.

  16. The soldier who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a seasoned veteran.

  17. A backward poet writes inverse.

  18. In a democracy it’s your vote that counts. In feudalism it’s your count that votes.

  19. When cannibals ate a missionary, they got a taste of religion.

  20. If you jumped off the bridge in Paris, you'd be in Seine.

  21. A vulture boards an airplane, carrying two dead raccoons. The stewardess looks at him and says, I’m sorry, sir, only one carrion allowed per passenger.

  22. Two fish swim into a concrete wall. One turns to the other and says Dam!

  23. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lit a fire in the craft. Unsurprisingly it sank, proving once again that you can’t have your kayak and heat it too.

  24. Two hydrogen atoms meet. One says, I’ve lost my electron. The other says Are you sure? The first replies, Yes, I’m positive.

  25. Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused Novocain during a root canal? His goal: transcend dental medication.

  26. There was the person who sent ten puns to friends, with the hope that at least one of the puns would make them laugh. No pun in ten did.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/FreshFocusPhoto
πŸ“…︎ Jun 26 2015
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Two vultures board an airplane, each carrying two dead raccoons.

The stewardess looks at them and says, "I'm sorry, you're each only allowed one carrion."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheOgree
πŸ“…︎ Feb 07 2019
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When birds of prey fly...

A vulture boards an airplane, carrying two dead raccoons. The stewardess looks at him and says, "I'm sorry, sir, only one carrion allowed per passenger."

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/pastorjeff2000
πŸ“…︎ Jun 17 2016
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