What’s the difference between a bad golfer and a bad skydiver?

One goes β€œwack… darn” while the other goes β€œdarn… wack”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/That_Guy1776
πŸ“…︎ Sep 24 2021
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What did the skydiver say when he realised he jumped without an important piece of kit?

Oh, chute!

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πŸ“…︎ Jun 19 2021
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Did you hear the alcoholic skydiver is feeling unwell

He's coming down with a cold one

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πŸ“…︎ Dec 03 2020
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What was the skydivers last investment?

He bought the farm.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/tyrannosaur85
πŸ“…︎ Aug 14 2020
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We were watching the news when the commentator said that "several Brazilian skydivers died when their parachutes failed"...

My son burst into tears. I explained, "yes, buddy, it's sad, but they knew what they were getting into". My son replied, "I know, but it's still so sad. I mean, how many are in a brazliian? Is more than a million?"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/jfshay
πŸ“…︎ Oct 13 2019
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What did the skydiver say when her pack didn't open?

Chute!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/cyphr0st
πŸ“…︎ Sep 09 2019
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Are you a Skydiver who got featured on the news? Because your drop dead gorgeous.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/NerdyKateAvenue
πŸ“…︎ Jul 08 2018
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Why'd the ghost not go skydiving?

He didn't have the guts.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TalonTrax
πŸ“…︎ Jul 24 2021
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I was just reading an article that said that skydiving is actually one of the safest extreme sports.

Apparently, if your parachute fails, you have your whole life to fix it.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/B1naryB0t
πŸ“…︎ Jun 06 2021
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What did the frenchman think about his skydiving instructor?

He was a descent guy.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/CyberOGa3
πŸ“…︎ Dec 02 2020
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Ya know the hardest thing about skydiving?

The ground.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ZealousidealRise7
πŸ“…︎ Jul 17 2020
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Did you hear about the financial analyst who went skydiving but missed the landing spot by a mile?

He was an expert in the field

Edit: I made this up myself!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ImNudeyRudey
πŸ“…︎ May 27 2020
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I asked my skydiving instructor what I should do if my parachute doesn't work. He said when it comes to that, we'll figure it out on the fly.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Hank_the_Hand
πŸ“…︎ Nov 17 2019
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I thought of this one while waking up this morning.

What equipment do you need to skydive over the Eiffel Tower?

A Paris Chute

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Ptomb
πŸ“…︎ Nov 07 2021
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I hated my first experience of skydiving. I jumped out of the plane with the other person next to me.

Anyway, about halfway down he said, "So, how long have you been an instructor?"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/rednreditit
πŸ“…︎ Aug 15 2019
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I don't talk to the tandem skydiving instructor any more...

because we recently had a falling out

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Zap-Brannigan
πŸ“…︎ Aug 03 2013
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Did you hear about the rooster that was afraid to go skydiving?

I guess you can say he was too chicken to do it

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πŸ‘€︎ u/HairyBaIIs007
πŸ“…︎ Aug 26 2016
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I'm in the business of religious skydiving..

Prophets are falling

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πŸ‘€︎ u/hypeting
πŸ“…︎ Jul 11 2013
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What happened when the outlaws went skydiving?

They had a chute out.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/AmusedGrap
πŸ“…︎ Dec 13 2017
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What did the skydiving calf say as he jumped out of the plane?

Cowabunga!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/millions-in-debt
πŸ“…︎ Oct 01 2017
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I went skydiving for the first time ever today.

It was a huge let down.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Kopextacy
πŸ“…︎ Jul 19 2016
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Two game show hosts were sitting at a meeting, brainstorming ideas for their next baking show.

One says β€œHow about a baking while skydiving? That’d be thrilling!” The other replies, β€œI dunno, I don’t think It’d be worth the whisk”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/FuriousFlameDude
πŸ“…︎ Aug 10 2021
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Blonde

A couple were watching the news.

"Two Brazilian men die in a skydiving accident," said the newscaster.

The blonde starts crying to her husband, sobbing... "That's horrible!!! So many men dying that way!"

Confused, he says, "Yes dear, it is sad, but they were skydiving, and there is always that risk involved."

After a few minutes, the blonde, still sobbing, says, "How many is a Brazilian?"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/hayeshilton
πŸ“…︎ May 20 2020
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Some of the gem's of Steven Wright

The work of Steven Wright, he's the famous Erudite (comic) scientist who once said: "I woke up one morning, and all of my stuff had been stolen and replaced by exact duplicates."

1 Β  - I'd kill for a Nobel Peace Prize.

2Β Β  - Borrow money from pessimists -- they don't expect it back.

3Β Β  - Half the people you know are below average.

4Β Β  - 99% of lawyers give the rest a bad name.

6 Β  - A conscience is what hurts when all your other parts feel so good.

7Β Β  - A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.

8 Β  - If you want the rainbow, you have got to put up with the rain.

9 Β  - All those who believe in psychokinesis, raise my hand.

10 - The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.

11 - I almost had a psychic girlfriend, ...... But she left me before we met.

12 - OK, so what's the speed of dark?

13 - How do you tell when you're out of invisible ink?

14 - If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something.

15 - Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.

16 - When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.

17 - Ambition is a poor excuse for not having enough sense to be lazy.

18 - Hard work pays off in the future; laziness pays off now.

19 - I intend to live forever... So far, so good.

21 - Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.

22 - What happens if you get scared half to death twice?

23 - My mechanic told me, "I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder."

24 - Why do psychics have to ask you for your name.

25 - If at first, you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.

26 - A conclusion is a place where you got tired of thinking.

27 - Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.

28 - The hardness of the butter is proportional to the softness of the bread.

29 - To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research.

30 - The problem with the gene pool is that there is no lifeguard.

31 - The sooner you fall behind, the more time you'll have to catch up.

32 - The colder the x-ray table, the more of your body is required to be on it.

33 - Everyone has a photographic memory; some just don't have film.

34 - If at first, you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you.

35 - If your car could travel at the speed of light, would your headlights work?

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ksbalaji
πŸ“…︎ Jan 30 2020
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Combined my first 2 joke sets into 1. Enjoy!

I will now take suggestions on how to be more sensitive to deaf people. I'm all ears!

  1. As a ventroliquist, I made one of my dummies sing a song by the GoGos. I'm not going to tell you how I did it. My lips are sealed!
  2. Im the only council member against the construction of the beach. Im going against the grain!
  3. Why did God make me a conjoined twin? Im beside myself!
  4. I put aluminum on a villain's mind control devices. I foiled his plan!
  5. Even though I'm scared of heights, I still go skydiving with this girl I like. Im falling for her!
  6. My shoelace company collapsed. I couldn't make ends meet!
  7. I like using misdirection in my jokes to make people laugh. Or do I?
  8. I won my 17th straight Halloween costume contest dressed as a hotdog. I'm on a roll!
  9. I won my 17th straight Halloween costume contest dressed as a nerd. I'm honor roll!
  10. The answer to this question, "Who's the president of the United States?" is a no-brainer.
  11. I finished a race the other day. I won 'cause I killed all the Kenyans!
  12. I don't know how to wear a wig. At least not off the top of my head.
  13. I went grocery shopping at Harris Teeter for a 50% off everything sale. I went in for a carrot and came out with a half, which is why I now shop at Whole Foods!
  14. If youre being attacked by zombies, just throw a party! Nobody wants to kill the life of the party!
  15. I used to date a girl, who still uses a nightlight. What a turn-off!
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ADAToTheMoon
πŸ“…︎ Dec 10 2018
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My teacher told this to us today in class.

If you're skydiving and your parachute cord is tangled, don't worry about it. You have the rest of your life to figure it out.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Regis_DeVallis
πŸ“…︎ Mar 01 2017
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The difference between...

What is the difference between a bad golfer and a bad skydiver?

One goes "Smack....dang it" and the other goes "Dang it...smack!"

Also what is the difference between a plumbing supply company and a U boat

One ships sinks and the other sinks ships

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πŸ‘€︎ u/neostead2000
πŸ“…︎ Jul 22 2013
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I went skydiving.

I went skydiving for my birthday a handful of years back. Decided to call my mom to tell her what I had just done after I landed. Here is the phone call.

Me- Hey mom guess what I just did? I just jumped out of a plane.

Her- Really? (To my dad) Your son just jumped out of plane.

Him - Why? Was it broken?

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πŸ‘€︎ u/IamTedtheBellboy
πŸ“…︎ Sep 13 2013
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From my class today...

Taking a leadership class through my work in which we watch a video about a woman freaking out about skydiving. She eventually calms down and makes the jump. We go on to discuss what was going through her head and what had to be done to convince her to work through her fears. We discuss other things the leader in the video would need to do to help.

Another employee asks the instructor, "Well its just good she wasn't blind. I'm sure you know about blind people and skydiving."

Instructor replies with genuine concern, "Oh, no, I don't think I do. They have a hard time with skydiving?"

Employee, "Well yeah, it scares the crap out of the dogs."

The room explodes in laughter while the instructor slowly shakes his head.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/patariku
πŸ“…︎ Oct 11 2014
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What's the difference between a bad golfer and a bad skydiver?

What's the difference between a bad golfer and a bad skydiver?

A bad golfer goes, Whack, Dang! A bad skydiver goes Dang! Whack!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/bourbonpens
πŸ“…︎ Sep 24 2021
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What’s the difference between a golfer and a skydiver?

One goes whack "shit"

The other goes "shit" whack

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πŸ‘€︎ u/matthew2112
πŸ“…︎ Feb 11 2020
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What’s the difference between a golfer & a skydiver?

One goes whack...dammit! The other goes dammit...whack!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Lights0ut83
πŸ“…︎ Jul 29 2020
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What did the skydiver say when her pack didn't open?

Chute!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/2donutkid2
πŸ“…︎ Dec 26 2018
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What's the difference between a golfer and a skydiver?

A golfer goes whack "damn" and a skydiver goes "damn" whack.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Anthonybrose
πŸ“…︎ Apr 03 2019
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What is the hardest part about skydiving?

The ground

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πŸ‘€︎ u/EpicAloo
πŸ“…︎ Apr 30 2019
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Do you know what the hardest part of skydiving is?

The ground.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/JuneIris6
πŸ“…︎ Apr 29 2015
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One of my Dad's favorites, I use it on my friends now.

What's the difference between a bad skydiver and a bad golfer?

A bad golfer goes... WACK! "Darn it!"

A bad skydiver goes... "Darn it!" WACK!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/xxTheDoctor
πŸ“…︎ Sep 21 2013
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