The results speak for themselves.
Because only ewes can prevent florist friars.
. She still regrets letting me name the kids.
But he never made it as a wise man
They got 6 Down and 3 Across.
Hes a small medium at large
He was Audi control
They'll have a hard time finding another man of that caliber.
I've been so happy with my dachshund. Best advice ever.
The police have nothing to go on
When I went home from college for Thanksgiving break I was discussing with him things I had watched while I was away. I mentioned that I had watched the "The Nevers", when he asked me what it was about I replied "6 hours". I don't think he's ever been more proud of me :)
Unicorn
They told me oh he doesn’t count, but I assure you he does.
He's a mock Sicilian
You never use water on a Greece fire.
It’s cutting-edge stem cell research.
It was called “Welcome Back Kata”
I don't want to step on anybody's toes here, but the amount of non-dad jokes here in this subreddit really annoys me. First of all, dad jokes CAN be NSFW, it clearly says so in the sub rules. Secondly, it doesn't automatically make it a dad joke if it's from a conversation between you and your child. Most importantly, the jokes that your CHILDREN tell YOU are not dad jokes. The point of a dad joke is that it's so cheesy only a dad who's trying to be funny would make such a joke. That's it. They are stupid plays on words, lame puns and so on. There has to be a clever pun or wordplay for it to be considered a dad joke.
Again, to all the fellow dads, I apologise if I'm sounding too harsh. But I just needed to get it off my chest.
Because you’re not a model citizen.
She got up, unplugged my laptop and threw out my beer….
EDIT: Thanks for the kind awards... My first ever! ❤️
It's called a "Xere-ox."
His name was Mr. Meowgi.
Apparently he's set for life!
It was the same crap, just a different day.
He looked at me and said simply, "hey, I'm serving a youthful porpoise."
Credit to the late, great Norm MacDonald, whose version is lengthier and, of course, funnier.
I broke the world record
Roll on Monday!
They treated him nicely, but he escaped anyway and killed a bunch of their people.
So they Hong Kong.
I guess you could say I'm Hans Free
🙄
The news was really hard to swallow.
He responded "whaaa?"
So I told him the product was de-livered!
He wanted poached eggs.
Geometry
It's called Wok Like an Egyptian.
Me grabbing a soda from my (what I thought was) half full 12pk...
Notices there's only 2;
Me: "Awe man... This is a damn bird box!" Her: "What the hell does that mean?!" Me: (Pulls both cans out & shows them to her) "It's only got Toucans."
I'm not ashamed to admit the look on her face was glorious.
Police are looking for a small medium at large
His cell mate was a total nut
A painful reminder that LIFE comes at you fast.
It was Rattan
I’m his uncle monitor.
Dave was bragging to his boss one day,
"You know, I know everyone famous there is to know"
"Go on - Just name someone, anyone, and I bet that know them"
Tired of his boasting, his boss decides to call Dave's bluff,
"OK, Dave, how about Tom Cruise?"
"Not a problem boss"
"Tom and I are old friends, and I can prove it"
So Dave and his boss fly out to Hollywood and knock on Tom Cruise's door.
Tom Cruise is at home and answers the door himself and shouts,
"Dave! What's happening?"
"Great to see you!"
"Come on in for a beer!
Although shocked and more than a little impressed, Dave's boss is still sceptical and he tells Dave that he thinks him knowing Cruise was just pure luck.
"No, no, just name anyone else then"
Dave says.
"President Biden!"
His boss quickly retorts.
"Yup"
Dave says, "We're buddies from years ago"
"Let's fly out to Washington and I'll show you"
So they fly out to Washington and go on the Whitehouse tour"
"While walking through the White House, Biden himself appears, spots Dave on the tour and motions him and his boss over, saying,
"Dave, what a surprise,it's great to see you again after all this time"
"I was just on my way to a meeting but you and your friend come on in and let's have a cup of coffee first and catch up"
After they leave the White House grounds the boss tells Dave that he's still not entirely convinced.
Dave again implores him to name another famous person.
After thinking about it for a long timethe boss replies with,
"The Pope!"
"Sure thing!"
Says Dave,
"I've known the Pope for years - since before he became Pope in fact"
So off they fly to Rome.
Dave and his boss are assembled with the masses in Saint Peter's Square at the Vatican.
Dave says,
"This will never work"
"I can't catch the Pope's eye among all these people"
"Tell you what, I know all the Pope's guards here as well so let me just go upstairs and I'll come out on the balcony with the Pope."
Sure enough, half an hour later Dave emerges with the Pope on the balcony, but by the time Dave returns, he finds that his boss has had a heart attack and is surrounded by paramedics.
Making his way to his boss' side, Dave asks him,
"What happened?"
His boss looks up and says,
"It was the final straw"
"You and the Pope came out on the balcony and a Japanese tourist next to me said, to me... "
"Who the hell is that on the balcony with Dave?"
I try to talk about my feelings with him, but he’ll just say vaguely supportive things that really don’t help. He’ll say things like “hey, cheer up buddy. I know things seem tough but at least you’re not stuck in one of those, you know, those holes in the ground? The thing with the bucket so you can get water from the hole.”
I know he means well.
I thought to myself , that's sod.
There’s a small medium at large
There’s a small medium at large
