The Report Card Puns

because his teacher was crappe

There was a Bee on it

Because he went down in history.

It was degrading

Arr! He earned the seven C's.

No the guy said..... The thief Spends less than my wife.

I wrote a little skit for my grandkids let's see how much I remember. CHUM 8 news Ted Hammerhead reporting with sky Chompter traffic report. Top story, a lone shark, who is a loan shark is alone in the dark making loans to sharks! There is a new place to gamble, the place is full of sharks who turn out to be card sharks playing card games with sharks on the cards. Imagune the dogs playing poker for this story, but it's sharks. The other reporter asks Ted Hammerhead how he did on his recent drivers test, Ted responds "nailed it". Crime scene where a clown has been killed and the Detective states, " No way a shark did this as they taste funny". On a comment about the victim. I never did the weather or figured out names for the other reporters we used to laugh and laugh at my stupid puns.

Edit: I can't spell fixed typos

You wouldn't want the seas in your report card.

Son: Dad, I turn 16 in a few months and would really like a car for my birthday.

Father: Well son, I’ll make a deal with you. If you do three things for me, I’ll get you the car. First, you need to improve your grades. Second, I want you to see you in church every Sunday. And finally, I want you to cut your long hair.

A FEW MONTHS PASS

Son: Dad, next week is my birthday and I’ve done everything you asked. Can I get a car?

Father: I did notice you got straight A’s on your report card and I’ve seen you at church every Sunday. But you didn’t cut you hair. I told you to cut your hair.

Son: I wanted to talk to you about that. In bible study I learned that Moses, John the Baptist, and Jesus all had long hair.

Father: Yes they did. And they walked everywhere they went.

I'd always look at the report card and have 7 C's.

I read in the North Pole News that Santa didn't allow Rudolf to lead the team this year. Santa got Rudolf's report card last week. It seems that Rudolf's grades went from B's to D's this semester. Yes - Rudolf really DID go down in history!

"hahaha ok so my dad comes in my room and goes do you like disco music and I was like uhh yeah I guess and he goes cause it looks like your stuck in the 70's and hands me my report card that has 3 c's on it and I died laughing it was the funniest thing ever"

So, let's see that report card. Hmmm. Not so great this term, eh? Maybe you should have bought some tutor mice.

What are tutor mice? You never heard of tutor mice? No wonder. There's this elf, see, and he trains mice to teach kids different subjects. You buy one mouse for math, another for English, and so on. Each mouse you buy is a guaranteed A.

And the best thing is, this elf doesn't have a shop or anything. He comes to you. All you have to do is sing the song.

What do you mean what song. Everybody knows the song. You just have to sing it like you really mean it, and he'll pop up and sell you some mice. Like this:

♫I'LL BUY MICE, E-E-ELF...♫

♫DON'T WANNA 'B'!♫

♫I'LL BUY MICE, ELF!♫

So my mom is known for being a hard ass when it comes to grades, but this morning she tells us that in 5th grade she actually had straight C's on a report card. As she was describing how much she hates the school work back then, I couldn't help but stop her and say "so was it just too elementary for you?"

There was a Bee on it

You wouldn't like the seas in your report card.