Why did the pacifist refuse to join the orchestra?

He hated violins.

πŸ‘︎ 45
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πŸ‘€︎ u/EEZAK04
πŸ“…︎ Apr 30 2021
🚨︎ report
The guy at the hardware store tried to sell me a 500 ft spool of rope for $2, but I refused.

I hate long good buys.

πŸ‘︎ 19
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Mar 21 2021
🚨︎ report
Attila the Hun had a pet snake who refused to eat.

He tried everything: rodents, small animals, and even cuts from larger animals, but it wouldn't eat.

As a last resort, he offered a virgin, but still the snake wouldn't eat. So, he called up the village's wise man.

Without hesitation, the wise man put two pieces of bread on the woman, and the snake ate her whole.

When Attila asked why, the wise man responded,

"Thine anaconda don't want nun unless you've got buns, hun!"

πŸ‘︎ 3k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/a_wild_redditer
πŸ“…︎ Nov 14 2020
🚨︎ report
When the Wright Brothers were arrested for trespassing at Kitty Hawk, the judge refused to grant them bail...

...he considered them a flight risk.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/KW-DadJoker
πŸ“…︎ Mar 31 2021
🚨︎ report
Why did a father who's son was just born today refused a marriage proposal of a father who's daughter was born just the previous day?

He didn't want his son marrying a girl twice his age.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/DeathWagon21
πŸ“…︎ Apr 02 2021
🚨︎ report
Did you hear about the workaholic cop who got handcuffed by his colleagues because he refused to take a lunch break?

He was resisting a rest.

πŸ‘︎ 18
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Sodrohu
πŸ“…︎ Feb 22 2021
🚨︎ report
Why did the Jewish pilot refuse to land at the airport?

Because it was Passover

πŸ‘︎ 18
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thelummx
πŸ“…︎ Feb 05 2021
🚨︎ report
Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused Novocain during a root canal?

He wanted to transcend dental medication.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/viky_boy
πŸ“…︎ Feb 13 2021
🚨︎ report
Why did the anarchist refuse to go to the urologist?

Because he refuse to be a part of anything prostate.

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Jig813
πŸ“…︎ Feb 05 2021
🚨︎ report
Inmates at HMP Manchester are refusing to eat the Moroccan spiced chicken dish they're given every Friday, claiming it is being used to secretly medicate them with aggression-suppressants hidden in the sauce.

That sounds to me like one of those cons' piri piri theories.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ“…︎ Jan 10 2021
🚨︎ report
When my son refused to take a nap, the police got involved!

Understandable, since he was resisting a rest!

πŸ‘︎ 43
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πŸ‘€︎ u/mistermajik2000
πŸ“…︎ Nov 15 2020
🚨︎ report
Did you hear that they're replacing two letters of the alphabet? Instead of T, you have to say "Clowns". Instead of V, you need to say "Jokers". I refuse to use them, but I was singing the alphabet when they changed them, so I have a problem...

Clowns to the left of me, Jokers to the right, here I am, stuck in the middle with U.

πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/wolfyfancylads
πŸ“…︎ Dec 06 2020
🚨︎ report
Did you hear about the woman who refused to get her female cat spayed?

She was arrested for littering.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/MidnightArt145
πŸ“…︎ Nov 01 2020
🚨︎ report
Have you heard of the hair stylist that refuses to cut hair?

If she won't cut hair to earn a living, she'll certainly dye.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/jas280z
πŸ“…︎ Dec 01 2020
🚨︎ report
Why did the Sushi chef refuse to serve the musician?

Cause he was outta tuna.

πŸ‘︎ 49
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Rpdaca
πŸ“…︎ Aug 10 2020
🚨︎ report
Why did the drowning Pharoah refuse to ask for help?

he was in de Nile

πŸ‘︎ 38
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πŸ‘€︎ u/growupyall
πŸ“…︎ Aug 19 2020
🚨︎ report
Why did the LGBTQ pilot refuse to fly 747s?

He said he prefers bi-planes

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ“…︎ Oct 25 2020
🚨︎ report
A man brought his trike to a 4 Wheeler convention but was refused at the door for not following the dress code.

They told him that he was missing attire

πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Kashindabank
πŸ“…︎ Sep 09 2020
🚨︎ report
Why did the Pharaoh refuse to believe his son had drowned?

Because he was in The Nile

πŸ‘︎ 29
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πŸ‘€︎ u/SoNocive
πŸ“…︎ Aug 21 2020
🚨︎ report
Cardi B’s sister used to spy for the Russian government, but refuses to talk about it publicly

They call her Cagey B.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/RealTheAsh
πŸ“…︎ Sep 07 2020
🚨︎ report
They refused to hire the boat assassin to be the face of the company

They had a feeling he'd be a sails killer

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Trevhaar
πŸ“…︎ Sep 05 2020
🚨︎ report
What did the chicken say to the Lobster who refused to wear a face mask?

You're so shellfish!

πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Mockturtle22
πŸ“…︎ Aug 09 2020
🚨︎ report
I refuse to vote for anyone in the dried fruit competition.

There aren't any good candied-dates.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ApologeticKid
πŸ“…︎ Jul 15 2020
🚨︎ report
Apparently there’s a group down the street that’s amazing at grabbing things, but they refuse to do it when I’m around.

They never seize to amaze me

πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/solemnbiscuit
πŸ“…︎ Jul 25 2020
🚨︎ report
Why did the bacteria refuse the invitation to the rodeo?

They’re too cultured.

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/tiktok131
πŸ“…︎ Jul 18 2020
🚨︎ report
Why did the man refuse to jump out the window?

He didn't want to go through any pane.

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/pengwin34
πŸ“…︎ Jul 14 2020
🚨︎ report
Why did the yogi refuse anesthetic to have his tooth extracted?

He wanted to transcend dental medication.

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Konamicoder
πŸ“…︎ Mar 31 2020
🚨︎ report
My Chinese friend refuses to believe that our friend Ty is now the state boxing champion.

The Chinese don’t want to recognize Ty won.

πŸ‘︎ 7k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jul 11 2018
🚨︎ report
I went to get tornado insurance for my camp site, but the bank refused.

They said, β€œIf your tent gets blown away, you won’t be covered.”

πŸ‘︎ 69
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jan 29 2020
🚨︎ report
There are reports that, because of the covid outbreak, Rick Astley is hoarding copies of a 2009 Pixar film, and all albums by a southern metal band from New Orleans. He is not allowing anyone to borrow them. It's also said that Mr. Astley is refusing to go out and purchase cake for others.

To summarize:

He's never gonna give you Up

Never gonna lend you Down

Never gonna run around, and dessert you.

πŸ‘︎ 12
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Mar 23 2020
🚨︎ report
I started a garden and the basil is refusing to grow.

It’s being such a pesto.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/CodyClay1
πŸ“…︎ Jun 12 2020
🚨︎ report
Did you hear about the three year old arrested for refusing to take a nap?

He was resisting a rest.

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/seausi
πŸ“…︎ May 05 2020
🚨︎ report
Why did Bernie Sanders refuse to return to the Senate after the primaries?

He wanted to practice socialist distancing

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/winkelschleifer
πŸ“…︎ Mar 23 2020
🚨︎ report
If a child is refusing to take their nap or go to bed... can I call the cops on them?

Technically they are resisting a rest!

πŸ‘︎ 43
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πŸ‘€︎ u/EvilWebMistress
πŸ“…︎ Jan 13 2020
🚨︎ report
Why did the jazz musician refuse to be quarantined?

Cause he was an outdoor cat.

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/JiminyKirket
πŸ“…︎ Mar 23 2020
🚨︎ report
To keep the virus away, I'm taking forever to open the door, refusing to change the temperature and only playing games in single player mode.

In other words, I'm doing everything I can to be a bad host.

πŸ‘︎ 14
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πŸ‘€︎ u/karmaniak
πŸ“…︎ Mar 24 2020
🚨︎ report
Why did the military general refuse to use social media?

It was his personal creed to never surrender or retweet.

πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/stooftheoof
πŸ“…︎ Mar 23 2020
🚨︎ report
The Emperor of Gorgasol refused to appoint his daughter as his heir.

Needless to say, she was not empressed.

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Miketar85
πŸ“…︎ Apr 05 2020
🚨︎ report
Did you guys hear about the Buddhist monk who refused anesthesia during his root canal?

Apparently he wanted to transcend dental medication.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Brave_council
πŸ“…︎ Feb 06 2021
🚨︎ report
The Police Showed Up When My Son Refused to Take a Nap

They charged him with resisting a rest.

πŸ‘︎ 186
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πŸ‘€︎ u/AstrosAtoZ
πŸ“…︎ Sep 27 2020
🚨︎ report
The hardware store guy offered to sell me a 50 ft spool of rope for $2, but I refused.

I hate long good buys.

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Aug 17 2020
🚨︎ report
I tried to get insurance for my camp site, but the company refused.

They said, β€œIf your tent gets destroyed, you won’t be covered.”

πŸ‘︎ 4k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Apr 19 2018
🚨︎ report
did you hear about the buddhist who refused novocain during a root-canal?

he wanted to transcend dental medication.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasismyname_
πŸ“…︎ May 06 2020
🚨︎ report

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