- Will Will Smith smith Will Smith? - Yes. Will Smith will smith Will Smith. - Your will may get stronger if you watch "Pursuit of Happiness"
I was lecturing on the criminal law concept of hot pursuit, and I asked there were any questions.
A student asked "what if you're ugly?'
As an old dad, I was befuddled for a moment before asking "did you just tell a dad joke?" She grinned, and I commissioned her as a dad on the spot.
Why was the church song leader so happy when a member of her congregation was killed in a car accident?
The deceased was an organ donor.
If the winner of a competition cries happy tears, what does the runner up cry?
People ask my secret to a happy marriage. I tell them the trick is my wife and I go out to dinner twice a week.
I go Tuesdays and my wife takes Thursdays
I came home really drunk last night and my wife wasn’t happy at all. “How much have you had to drink?” she asked sternly, staring at me. “Nothing” I slurred. “Look at me!” she shouted. “It’s either me or the pub, which one is it?”
I paused for a second while I thought and mumbled, “It’s you. I can tell by the voice.”
The CEO of IKEA has been elected Prime Minister of Sweden.
He's currently assembling his cabinet.
My wife and I just celebrated 10 years of happy marriage...
It was coincidentally our 30th wedding anniversary.
True story, just happened, proud of myself: Dog starts barking furiously out of nowhere. Come to the door to see she's startled a pair of guys from a roofing company who've come to fix a hole where squirrels are getting in.
"Sorry about her. Her specialty is also roofing."
Blank stares. My talents are so wasted without kids.
How do you determine the mass of a red hot chili pepper?
Give it a weigh, give it a weigh, give it a weigh now
When I want to experience intense ecstatic happiness, I reach for the bottle of dish washing liquid...
I made this She's got of lumps and bumps but I'm overall happy she's finnished kings, queens, and non-binary beans I present to you, my Les-bee-ian 😂🐝❤️🧡🤍💗
the very peak of my existence about 6 months ago today
The cast of “Friends” got stuck at sea in a boat, but thankfully nothing happened.
The most important part of a mail pun, is the delivery.
What kind of bird doesn’t know the words to their own song?
The day I turned 42, my daughter walked up to me and said "happy...", and started timing on her watch. After a long silence she said...
"...40 second birthday".
I was so proud.
One of my daughters wants to marry the mailman...
What is the opposite of Ladies fingers?
Why was the man at the barbecue so happy?
He met the grill of his dreams
A lot of the jokes on this sub are just terrible, but at the end of the day...
What did the farmer say when all of his haystacks were stolen?
My wife was not happy with the new mattress I bought for us and wanted to return it asap
I asked her to sleep on it and decide tomorrow.
What is the smelliest kind of ox?
Friend of mine asked why I took a side job at the bakery
I told him I don’t knead the dough, but I do get a rise out of it
My wife tested my knowledge of common household herbs, and I’m happy to say I got 4 out of 5 right.
The big bad wolf converted to Buddhism and there was finally peace in the forest. But suddenly, the air was filled with screams of terror! A bear asked the animals running past him, "What's happening now?"
"The big bad wolf!" a goat shouted. "Is meditating!"
"So? Isn't that a good thing? questioned the bear.
"Noooo!" the goat bleated. "It's become aware wolf!"
My girlfriend left me while I was crying in the bathroom with constipation. She told me that I was so full of it.
It was the hardest dump I ever took
True story: I was a kid, watching TV in our living room. My dad was outside using the grill. All of a sudden he bursts in the door hopping on one foot yelling “I stepped on a Bee!”
I was so concerned I jumped up and ran over to him...
Earlier that day my friend and I who were really into mountain biking had been using really sticky letters to put our names on our bikes. We were working near the general area of the BBQ.
Apparently I had dropped one...
Stuck to the bottom of my dads foot was the letter B....
A legendary dad joke from a legendary dad.
Some people were arguing about the most important part of a kitchen.
"The sink is the most important! It's where you get water for cooking, wash your hands, clean fruits and vegetables, and clean the dishes up afterwards."
But another person said,
"The countertop is even more important. It's where the food is prepared. And if the counter weren't there, you wouldn't have a sink at all!"
The first person was shocked. They weren't expecting a counterargument.
A man attends a funeral for his best friend. He approaches the grieving widow, gestures to the podium and asks; "May I say a word?" The widow responds "Of course.."
The man stands up and speaks "Plethora." and steps back down.
"Thank you..." says the Widow, "that really means a lot."
EDIT The responses here are incredible! 👌
Guys, make your woman feel special. Place a framed photo of her in the kitchen...
....and write "EMPLOYEE OF THE MONTH" on top.
If Mary is the mother of Jesus and Jesus is the lamb of God
Does that mean that Mary had a little lamb?
Breaking News: Archaeologists believe that they've uncovered a cache of pencils that belonged to William Shakespeare. A spokesperson for the dig said they're so badly chewed on the ends,
we can't tell if they're 2B or not 2B.
What did the piece of wood say when it had nothing to do?
A lot of people can’t tell the difference between entomology and etymology.
I can’t find the words for how much this bugs me.
Why did the student throw a 64 pack of Crayola crayons at his art teacher after he was done with his test?
He wanted to pass with flying colors.
I thought of that myself.
Happy New Year fellow dad jokesters! For 2021, I’m going to turn all of my problems into opportunities.
Starting with my severe drinking opportunity
When you die, what part of the body dies last?
The pupils....they dilate.
The comments is full of puns like this one
The local bartender moved his pub to the summit of a mountain and the quality of his drinks improved
He really raised the bar on that one
If H20 is on the inside of a fire hydrant, what’s on the outside?
I only know 25 letters of the alphabet
This bloke said to me: ‘I’m going to attack you with the neck of a guitar.’
I said: ‘Is that a fret?'
What's the opposite of a croissant?
What kind of tree is the best for blocking water?
I once debated a flat earther. He got so mad he stormed off saying he would walk to the edge of the earth to prove me wrong.
He’ll come around eventually.
Why was the man at the cookout so happy?
He met the grill of his dreams.
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