My neighbours, the Razzis, have more photographs hanging from their walls than anyone I’ve ever known.

Thanks to their dad, Papa Razzi.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Aug 05 2020
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The first photograph of a black hole was released

It sucks

πŸ‘︎ 12k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/DumplingBoiii
πŸ“…︎ Apr 10 2019
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Rare photograph of The Milky Way viewed from Mars
πŸ‘︎ 64
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Cliffter
πŸ“…︎ Jan 17 2020
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I didn't really like the song Photograph

I want my Nickelback

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/BossMight
πŸ“…︎ Jun 16 2019
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What did the first person in a colored photograph say?

Color me impressed

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Icystuff
πŸ“…︎ Jan 23 2019
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What do you call it when a Jojo fan makes a photograph to capture the moment?

A Diorama

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/PuzzledKitty
πŸ“…︎ May 19 2017
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My friend the photographer always trims the outer edges of his pictures to be curved so that every edge is equidistant from the center...

He liked making crop circles.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Jun 16 2020
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Did you hear about the naked photographer who was taking timelapses in the Arctic?

They died from exposure.

πŸ‘︎ 17
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πŸ‘€︎ u/davidtheday
πŸ“…︎ May 04 2020
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What is the best quality to use when photographing forks?

4K

πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Killcams
πŸ“…︎ Jan 28 2020
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The news about this new Coronavirus is like a photographer...

It won’t stop developing.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Ew0k5AN0nomi5
πŸ“…︎ Mar 20 2020
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In a freak accident today, a photographer was killed when a huge lump of cheddar landed on him.

To be fair, the people who were being photographed did try to warn him.

πŸ‘︎ 237
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VVIIVVI
πŸ“…︎ Oct 09 2020
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My son and I both have Honda's and he's a photographer. I told him it would be nice to get a photo of the cars.

He took one, but not of his own accord.

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/axion87
πŸ“…︎ Aug 02 2019
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Just got the test shot from our wedding photographer, but we accidentally dropped them into the mixing bowl filled with sugar, milk, and Jell-O mix.

Wife to be can't believe we actually did that, but I told her the proof is in the pudding.

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/JackOfTrading
πŸ“…︎ Jul 03 2019
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Did you hear about the photographer who got lost in the woods?

He died of exposure.

πŸ‘︎ 57
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πŸ‘€︎ u/SlugBoy42
πŸ“…︎ Feb 17 2019
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[OC] At what time of day can a photographer get the perfect picture? When can they get just the right angle?

Either 3:00 or 9:00

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Kierkegaard_Soren
πŸ“…︎ Jul 31 2019
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Why did the bear photographer get disqualified from the Olympics ?

He took Polarorids

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Johnny_Two_Timez
πŸ“…︎ Aug 16 2019
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What was the photographer's defense in court?

Says he was framed.

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/stgm_at
πŸ“…︎ Oct 03 2018
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Good job coming dad. (3 year old son after he told me to come eat breakfast)

Me: Mommy tells me that all the time.

He has a near photographic memory, I'm hoping one day when he's twenty he coughs out his cold cereal in college as he gets the joke.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/zvive
πŸ“…︎ Oct 26 2020
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I once photographed a track team practice for the high school yearbook.

I guess you could call it timed laps photography.

πŸ‘︎ 836
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πŸ‘€︎ u/k-smackerel
πŸ“…︎ Aug 27 2015
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Why did the photographer not get any clients?

Image problems.

πŸ‘︎ 26
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Riipa
πŸ“…︎ Apr 10 2018
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"Say human" said the cheese photographer.
πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TommehBoi
πŸ“…︎ Oct 27 2018
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What happens to photographers when they make bad puns all the time?

They get ISOlated

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/akol404
πŸ“…︎ Dec 07 2014
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Why was the photographer arrested?

Indecent exposure.

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/r-and-b
πŸ“…︎ Sep 22 2016
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Did you hear about the photographer who flunked out of college

He didn't know how to focus

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/z0mbietime
πŸ“…︎ May 10 2017
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Why did the photographer like his hand model?

She had pose-able thumbs.

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/demon1177
πŸ“…︎ Apr 17 2016
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Dadjoked the wedding photographer...

So I'm at a family wedding. The dance floor has been pretty quiet all night. It's getting late and a lot of people left already. For some reason, the DJ brings up YMCA and finally manages to get the remaining people going. By the time the Beejees come on with Stayin' Alive everyone is moving around, myself included, and there's a somewhat big group really going crazy and doing dance moves. The photographer gets real close and starts taking pictures. Then she leans over to me to talk, as I'm dancing with my girlfriend and one of her kids.

Photographer: "People suddenly really came to life, huh?"

Me: "Yes. This party is really... Staying alive."

Her groan was louder than the music.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TaTonka2000
πŸ“…︎ Jul 20 2014
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Punning replaced my old past-time.

I used to be a film photographer but learned it was a negative hobby.

One that lens itself to bad puns.

The kind that make you shutter.

I have proof.

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/BHK1961
πŸ“…︎ Sep 22 2019
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Some of the gem's of Steven Wright

The work of Steven Wright, he's the famous Erudite (comic) scientist who once said: "I woke up one morning, and all of my stuff had been stolen and replaced by exact duplicates."

1 Β  - I'd kill for a Nobel Peace Prize.

2Β Β  - Borrow money from pessimists -- they don't expect it back.

3Β Β  - Half the people you know are below average.

4Β Β  - 99% of lawyers give the rest a bad name.

6 Β  - A conscience is what hurts when all your other parts feel so good.

7Β Β  - A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.

8 Β  - If you want the rainbow, you have got to put up with the rain.

9 Β  - All those who believe in psychokinesis, raise my hand.

10 - The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.

11 - I almost had a psychic girlfriend, ...... But she left me before we met.

12 - OK, so what's the speed of dark?

13 - How do you tell when you're out of invisible ink?

14 - If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something.

15 - Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.

16 - When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.

17 - Ambition is a poor excuse for not having enough sense to be lazy.

18 - Hard work pays off in the future; laziness pays off now.

19 - I intend to live forever... So far, so good.

21 - Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.

22 - What happens if you get scared half to death twice?

23 - My mechanic told me, "I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder."

24 - Why do psychics have to ask you for your name.

25 - If at first, you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.

26 - A conclusion is a place where you got tired of thinking.

27 - Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.

28 - The hardness of the butter is proportional to the softness of the bread.

29 - To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research.

30 - The problem with the gene pool is that there is no lifeguard.

31 - The sooner you fall behind, the more time you'll have to catch up.

32 - The colder the x-ray table, the more of your body is required to be on it.

33 - Everyone has a photographic memory; some just don't have film.

34 - If at first, you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you.

35 - If your car could travel at the speed of light, would your headlights work?

πŸ‘︎ 24
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ksbalaji
πŸ“…︎ Jan 30 2020
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A group of photographers went out to dinner..

As they sat at their table, taking photos of their food for social media, one of the photographers realized he hadn't been given water. He approached the bar and asked for a glassful, with which the bartender obliged. Rather than immediately leaving, he stood there and stared at the bartender for a moment before returning to his seat.

Soon enough, he found himself thirsty again, and took another trip to the bar, and once again stared at the bartender. This happened again and again throughout the night, with the bartender becoming progressively more frustrated by the photographers persistent requests for glasses of water and uncomfortable stares. Finally, on the photographers fifteenth trip, the bartender loses his cool and yells, "Take a pitcher, it'll last longer!"

πŸ‘︎ 321
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πŸ‘€︎ u/BaconBoyReddit
πŸ“…︎ Dec 12 2018
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Girlfriend got me good, period.

Im a photographer and was telling her about an assignment to photograph a woman and her early 20th century car and that the woman would be wearing authentic era clothing for the portrait.

Me: And she'll be wearing period appropriate clothing. Girlfriend: So she'll be wearing sweatpants?

πŸ‘︎ 2k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thecameraman8078
πŸ“…︎ Dec 09 2014
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No matter how much you push the envelope,

it'll still be stationery.

If you don't pay your exorcist you can get repossessed.

I'm reading a book about anti-gravity. I just can't put it down.

I didn't like my beard at first. Then it grew on me.

Did you hear about the crossed-eyed teacher who lost her job because she couldn't control her pupils?

When you get a bladder infection, urine trouble.

When chemists die, they barium.

I stayed up all night to see where the sun went, and then it dawned on me.

I changed my iPod's name to Titanic. It's syncing now.

England has no kidney bank, but it does have a Liverpool .

Haunted French pancakes give me the crepes.

This girl today said she recognized me from the Vegetarians Club, but I'd swear I've never met herbivore

I know a guy who's addicted to drinking brake fluid, but he says he can stop any time.

A thief who stole a calendar got twelve months.

When the smog lifts in Los Angeles U.C.L.A. I got some batteries that were given out free of charge.

A dentist and a manicurist married. They fought tooth and nail.

A will is a dead giveaway.

With her marriage, she got a new name and a dress.

Police were summoned to a daycare center where a three-year-old was resisting a rest. Did you hear about the fellow whose entire left side was cut off? He's all right now.

A bicycle can't stand alone; it's just two tired.

The guy who fell onto an upholstery machine last week is now fully recovered. He had a photographic memory but it was never fully developed.

When she saw her first strands of gray hair she thought she'd dye.

Acupuncture is a jab well done. That's the point of it.

Those who get too big for their pants will be totally exposed in the ends.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/PewPewWizard2000
πŸ“…︎ Sep 08 2018
🚨︎ report
Puns for Kids

The funniest and shortest puns for kids, you always remember while teaching children puns, try to choose the short ones because they are easy for them to remember and register.

Puns for Kids

Why are teddy bears never hungry? They are always stuffed!


What do you get when you cross a snake and a pie? A pie-thon!


Where do polar bears vote? The North Poll.


What did the judge say when the skunk walked into the court room? Odor in the court!


Two silkworms had a race. They ended up in a tie.


Why are fish so smart? Because they live in schools.


The streets in the capital of Afghanistan are paved with Kabulstones.


How does a lion greet the other animals in the field? Pleased to eat you.


What do you get when a chicken lays an egg on top of a barn? An egg roll!


No matter how much you push the envelope, it will still be stationery.


Why did the turkey cross the road? To prove he wasn’t chicken!


What musical is about a train conductor? β€œMy Fare, Lady”.


A man drowned in a bowl of muesli. A strong currant pulled him in.


What do you get from a pampered cow? Spoiled milk.


What animals are on legal documents? Seals!


Why did the lion spit out the clown? Because he tasted funny!


Why did the bumble bee leave the house? It heard the school was having a spelling bee.


Being struck by lightning is really a shocking experience!


How do celebrities stay cool? They have many fans!


Why do fish live in salt water? Because pepper makes them sneeze!


Dockyard: A physician’s garden.


What did the angry mother say to the boiling pot of spaghetti? Simmer down!


The lights were too bright at the Chinese restaurant so the manager decided to dim sum.


β€œWhat’s purple and 5000 miles long?” β€œOoh! I know! The Grape Wall of China!”


Every calendar’s days are numbered.


This duck walks into a bar and orders a beer. β€œFour bucks,” says the bartender. β€œPut it on my bill.”


I used to be twins. My mother has a picture of me when I was two.


What sound do porcupines make when they kiss? Ouch!


When does a well-dressed lion look like a weed? When he’s a dandelion (dandy lion).


Two peanuts walk into a bar, and one was a-salted.


A bicycle can’t stand on its own because it is

... keep reading on reddit ➑

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Punsville
πŸ“…︎ Apr 25 2017
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My best friend and I were up in his uncle's cabin

and he showed me an old photograph of a family friend.

Me: "You weren't kidding about him being in the picture for a long time."

Him:"Yep, ever since they took it."

πŸ‘︎ 80
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πŸ‘€︎ u/bubuthefu
πŸ“…︎ Jan 10 2016
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I was at my grandmother's house, she was in the local paper recently

She was insisting she looked aweful in the photograph, "I can't take a good photo!" She said

My father looked up, "It wasn't you that took it, someone else did!"

He chuckled away to himself while my grandmother explained the joke to my aunt

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ“…︎ Feb 21 2016
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Got my mom with this one yesterday.

Yesterday started a new motocross season for my nephew, so for his inaugural race a bunch of family went to watch him. I'm an amateur/hobbyist photographer so I brought my telephoto zoom lens out and my Canon body to get a few shots of him on the track. The assembled camera is about 18 inches in length. After putting it together:

Mom (first seeing it): Holy crap! That thing looks like a damn cannon!

Me: (pointing to the label) You sure know your cameras, it is a Canon!

Typical dad joke responses ensued.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Primacron
πŸ“…︎ Apr 18 2016
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I got my student with this one. It's simple, but I'm proud of it.

My student asked this:

I'm looking for a violinist and a photographer for my wedding, any ideas?

My response:

Have the violinist play music and the photographer take some photographs.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/wuapinmon
πŸ“…︎ Jan 19 2016
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My father on modern art

My parents visited me last weekend. Short on ideas, we decided to hit up a widely-respected art museum. They had some new exhibitions, some of which were a little outside our personal tastes and expectations.

We walked into a photography exhibit and saw, along one wall, a sheet of green. This sheet of green was a little higher and taller than the average door, and stretched all the way down that bit of wall plus a few feet onto the floor.

"Oh," I said, "a green screen. That's kind of a neat little thing to have here. Sort of an homage to that style of film, I guess?"

Little did I know. In hindsight, I don't know why I expected anything different.

My father and I approached the plaque beside it. There we learned the truth: This was not a green screen. No. No, this was a specially printed photograph.

A photograph... of a green screen.

There we stood, astonished at the audacity of the thing before us. "My God," I said aloud, "This, right here, this is something else. This is just plain genius. Can you imagine getting money for something like this? Why didn't we come up with this? This is gold!"

To which my dad simply responded, "No, son...

... it's green."

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Habefiet
πŸ“…︎ May 31 2016
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Seeking "Dads' Night Out"-themed party help

For the past three years I've held scavenger hunts to celebrate my birthday. This year I've decided on the theme, "Dads' Night Out." Examples of items on last year's (non-dad-themed) list: "Play red light/green light with at least three strangers," "Switch pants with a stranger," and "Haiku written by a bartender." All items require physical, photographic or video evidence. What are your ideas for dad-themed items or jokes I can fit in here and there? Any other ideas on how I can make this year the best year yet would be appreciated.

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Fwish11
πŸ“…︎ Sep 13 2014
🚨︎ report
The Legend of Phillip Turr

Phillip Turr was one of the most handsome men to ever exist. Throughout high school, Phillip Turr was often called Photogenic Phil, due to his heartwarming smile.

Consequently, he was offered a modeling job before college. During his career, articles were often written about how photoshop was not even needed when it came to pictures of Phillip Turr, because he was just so flawless.

On one gloomy day, Phillip Turr was walking to one of his photoshoots and crossed the street at a busy intersection and sadly, Phillip Turr was hit by a reckless driver and was killed.

The next day, one of the photographers at the photoshoot that Phillip Turr was walking to posted a picture on Instagram to commemorate Phillip Turr's life. The picture was of an empty studio.

The caption of the photo read: Here is a picture of the place where the beautiful Phillip Turr would have stood yesterday had he not been tragically killed. RIP. #NoPhilTurr

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/CastYourBread
πŸ“…︎ Mar 11 2015
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My grandma just sent a chain email full of these. I'll just copy and paste them.

"Lexophile" is a word used to describe those that have a love for the use of words, such as "you can tune a piano, but you can't tuna fish", or "to write with a broken pencil is pointless." A competition to see who can come up with the best lexophiles is held every year in an undisclosed location. This year's winning submission is posted at the very end.

Here goes...

.. When fish are in schools, they sometimes take debate.

.. A thief who stole a calendar got twelve months.

.. When the smog lifts in Los Angeles U.C.L.A.

.. The batteries were given out free of charge.

.. A dentist and a manicurist married. They fought tooth and nail.

.. A will is a dead giveaway.

.. With her marriage, she got a new name and a dress.

.. A boiled egg is hard to beat.

.. When you've seen one shopping center you've seen a mall.

.. Police were summoned to a daycare center where a three-year-old was resisting a rest.

.. Did you hear about the fellow whose entire left side was cut off? He's all right now.

.. A bicycle can't stand alone; it's just two tired.

.. When a clock is hungry it goes back four seconds.

.. The guy who fell onto an upholstery machine is now fully recovered.

.. He had a photographic memory which was never developed.

.. When she saw her first strands of grey hair she thought she'd dye.

.. Acupuncture is a jab well done. That's the point of it.

And the cream of the twisted crop:

.. Those who get too big for their pants will be totally exposed in the end.

πŸ‘︎ 18
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πŸ‘€︎ u/All_Hail_Dionysus
πŸ“…︎ Feb 27 2015
🚨︎ report
Venice

I am just getting back from dinner with my girlfriend and her dad. He was telling a story about how, back in the day, he and a friend of his were on a trip to Europe. I forget why, but they had an option to either go back home to the states or travel without their group for another two weeks. They decided to stay and travel and made a stop in Venice. While there, he and his friend had made it their goal to find and photograph a blind man.

Why?

"So I could show people a picture of a Venetian blind."

My girlfriend groaned audibly. I laughed uproariously.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/fumantia_pardus
πŸ“…︎ May 14 2014
🚨︎ report
Got my friend with a good one the other day

So my friend is a photographer and always notices the lighting and comments on how it would be for taking photos. We walk out my house and it's all gloomy.

Me: Ugh, it's so gloomy out. Her: I love it! The low key lighting is great for photos! Me: As opposed to Thor lighting? Her: Grooaaannn....

Haha 'low key' = 'Loki'? Ehh, I'm a dork

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/LockManipulator
πŸ“…︎ Mar 05 2015
🚨︎ report
Taking a family portrait

In a freak accident today, a photographer was killed when a huge lump of cheddar landed on him. To be fair, the people who were being photographed did try to warn him.

πŸ‘︎ 12
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Dec 14 2020
🚨︎ report

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