Someone says, let’s get this show on the road.
The calendars are going to March...
Father-in-Law: And do people actually adhere to it? Me: No, cuz they put it sticky side down.
An LGBT Queue
Pride comes before the fall.
... because at the beginning, the announcer clearly said "Welcome to the 90-second Thanksgiving Day parade!"
New Year's Day... The start of a fresh 365 sunrises that symbolize a turning point in lifestyle and spending the entire day recovering from a dreadful hangover. Like many other people in America, this relatively fake holiday is a time that I spend with my family. One of my family's many traditions (alongside annihilating plates of buffalo wings and watching college football until we pass out on the couch) is watching the Rose Parade. At the very beginning of the event, before all of the flower-covered floats and high school bands came marching down the street, there was an introductory ceremony complete with a B-2 stealth bomber flyover. As soon as they passed by, zooming out of the camera's frame, my dad leans in closer to me and says "Well I sure didn't see that coming!"
That would be a shitty job.
That job must stink.
What a crappy career choice.
- Troupe of mimes starts a performance, turns to me: "Quiet! I wanna hear this!"
- Drum line guys walking around afterwards: "Why don't you take your drum and beat it!"
- Local art store named O'Dunn's: "Have you finished the painting yet? Are you o' dunn?"
All I could do was laugh and roll my eyes
I'd been doing yard and shed work on a hot day and bought some boardshorts/trunks from an op shop (goodwill) on my way home. Joked around with the older ladies at the register. They said I should try them on and give them a parade... As I was walking away I said "... nah, I'm too hot and dirty..."
As the words were still coming out of my mouth I realized what I'd done. I left in a confused haze of embarrassment and achievement. For a brief moment I touched the state of effortless dad joke.
Ouch I'm in alot of rain. What the hail. You little sleet. Sorry for raining on your parade I thought it would be snow problem. I'm going to sleet. What don't give me the cold shoulder. It's ice to see you. Water you doing. Fin
Well, sorry to radon your parade, but all of your belongings from your house argon. Someone stole them, and judging by the evidence, whoever stole them would want to barium. There he is! Cesium! Don't let him get away!
I went on a few dates with a girl who works at Macy's. We chat a lot and then she sprung a weird question on me. She said, "my boss thinks you're cute and wants your number. Should I give it to her?" I told her I'd prefer to keep dating her and not her boss, but if she just wanted to be friends, then she could give her my number, which she did.
When I told this story to my dad, he said, "you could date both of them at the same time and choose the most interesting one." I said, "that sounds like that could be a reality show" and without missing a beat he said, "yeah, it could be called Macy's Date Parade."
We were watching the parade of the countries.
Dad: "What comes after Guam?"
Me: "Guatemala I think"
Dad: "No, Two"
My husband and I were watching the parade of nations and Belize was entering the stadium. The population and number of athletes were displayed on the bottom and I said, "Wow, I didn't know Belize had such a small population. Not even half a million people."
My husband replied, "Yea, it's pretty unbeliezable."
Watching the Olympic parade of nations with my dad and sister.
Sister: Oooh Micronesia
Dad: Yeah that's just a small loss of memory.
Me: facepalm
A little while later...
Sister: Wait where was Micronesia?
Dad: You didn't see them because they're so small
Me: more facepalm
My 7yr old was in a parade last night and along with a bunch of candy, came home with a picture/buisness card for a local clown. This morning he was looking for it.
"Dad where is my clown picture?"
"Look in the bathroom above the sink" he looks.
"Not there Dad"
"Get your sister, there are two clowns in the picture now" They get halfway to the bathroom before I die laughing and get the" Hey!"
Watching the Macy's Day Parade. Some band with Dancers come on the screen.
Me- Wow, these dancers are very out of sync with each other.
Dad- That's why they are not named NSYNC.
...
