Why did the man break up with his significant other?
Because of his significant mother
Two men walk into a bar. One man orders H₂O. The other man says: "I'll have H₂O, too."
"I found the culprit!" shouted the detective, pointing to a picture on the wall. "It is none other than this man!"
The man in the picture responded, "No! I was framed!"
What is the other name for Iron man?
(Fe)male
Edit: I thought of another owith the same answer,
What is a Females favourite superhero? Iron Man! (Damn this one felt much better...)
There are two muffins in an oven. One muffin says to the other, “hey man, it’s hot in here”
The other muffin says, “holy shit! It’s a talking muffin!”
A young man was in love with two women and could not decide which of them to marry. Finally he went to a marriage counselor. When asked to describe his two loves, he noted that one was a great poet and the other made delicious pancakes...
"Oh." said the counselor. "I see what the problem is. You can't decide whether to marry for batter or verse."
A man sprayed me with water the other day
A man was found dead at the other side of a circle
I mean, he did diameter away
I met a man named Jim Apple the other day.
He has trouble introducing himself in France.
A man on a business trip went into a singles bar, approached two women, and offered either of them two hundred dollars to spend the night with him. One girl stormed out in a rage, but the other remained cool, calm...and collected.
What did one Japanese man say to the other?
I don't know, I dont speak Japanese.
I put a man in my freezer the other day
He was the coolest guy I ever met
What did one snowman say to the other snow man?
A man was fired because he refused his company’s obligation of going out on the town with the other guys.
If only he had fulfilled their man-date, he could have kept his job!
Two men walk into a bar. One man orders H₂O. The other man says: "I'll have H₂O, too."
The bartender, having neither Hydrogen Peroxide nor the inability to understand contextual requests, gives both men a glass of water.
I visited a monastery the other day and as I walked past the kitchen I saw a man frying chips. I asked him "Are you the friar?"
He replied "No, I'm the chip monk..."
Had a fight with a bald man the other day...
I said he was going toupée
Did you hear that the invisible man had a new job offer the other day? He turned it down!
Apparently, he couldn't see himself doing it...
"I must say, you are the better than every other applicant we've spoken to so far," said the man at the end of my interview.
"Thanks," I smiled, leaving the room.
Then he poked his head out of the door and said, "OK, would the second candidate like to come in?"
A man on one side of a river shouts to a man standing on the other side, “Hey, how do I get to the other side of the river?”
The other man responds, “You are on the other side of the river.”
I saw a man giving away dead batteries the other day...
I suppose you could say they were free of charge.
I once saw two men quarreling because both claimed that his family name is Fuck and the other is lying. After seeing their IDs, I found out that only one man was telling the truth, the one with the first name What.
I ordered a Hit Man to take care of my business partner the other day.
After a change of heart I cancelled the order, but it was too late.
He'd been despatched.
Recently, I've been driving my wife crazy with how many friends named Fred I've been making, and they all look the same, no less. That said, one day a man rang our bell, and my wife, relieved that he did not look like my other friends, asked who he was, to which a replied:
"Don't worry, Honey, he's just another Fred of mine."
Two thistles are arguing over who has the better yard The one turns to the other and says "your dirt is way too loose, man, look" and yanks him up and out of the ground Second thistle looks up at the first and goes
"I artichoke you for that"
I was sitting at home the other day when man broke in holding a block of cheese.
He stabbed me with it and all I could think was damn, that cheddar is sharp.
I robbed a blind man the other day
Poor fella never even saw it coming
I met a strange man the other day really trying to sell me the health benefits of inhaling helium.
He spoke very highly off it.
The other day a man called me “a plateau”.
I took it a a compliment because a plateau is the highest form of flattery.
The other day a man tried to mug me with a blunt knife
A man was attacked by a guy with an upholstery nail gun the other day.
He's okay. He's recovered now.
Two friends are out shopping. One says, “Man there are ALOT of extra small clothes here...” and the other says “I know right, there’s an XS!” (excess)
I just came up w it today and I’m proud of it ok bye
What do you call an Italian man with arm shorter than the other
I was in the gym the other day, when I saw a man get down on one knee and propose to his girlfriend. Unfortunately she said no!
Well that didn't workout...
A man goes to the Doctor with a banana in one ear, a carrot in the other ear and a cucumber up his nose. “What’s wrong with me doc?” He asks ...
“It’s easy, you just not eating properly” the doctors replies.
I saw a German man squat down the other day to pick something up
A man walks into a doctor's office with celery in one ear, peas in the other, and a carrot up each nostril, and says "Doc, I don't feel well". The doctor replies "It's because you aren't eating right."
I was reading a book the other day and a man started adding dirt to a farmers land.
That’s the point in the book where the plot thickened.
I saw a dyslexic man from yorkshire the other day
I lent money to a blind man the other day, bug now I’m a bit worried
He said he’ll pay me back when he sees me again
I saw a headless man in a wheelchair the other day...
I guess he was handecapitated
I was making my way through Atlanta airport the other day when I noticed a man working on a broken escalator...
As I descended down the adjacent, working escalator I noticed the man tapping his screwdriver impatiently at the bottom; looking around as if he were waiting for something. I couldn't resist...
>Me: "Do you have everything you need to fix it?"
>
>Him: "No!" <looking frustrated>
>
>Me: "Well, have you tried escalating?!"
In about half a second the man's face erupted in a smile while he proceeded to laugh so loudly that he startled himself and a woman nearby who gasped, turning to look at him. Somewhere behind me a woman unleashed a loud, "Ha!" as well.
I smiled all the way to my designated boarding gate =D
person 1: I once met a man with a wooden leg named Smith. person 2: What was the name of his other leg?
What did one French man say to the other French guy.
I don’t know. I don’t speak French.
Two muffins were baking in the oven. One muffin says to the other. “Man, it’s hot in here”. The other muffin says
Ahhhh! A Talking Muffin!!!!
What did one snowman say to the other snow man?
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